How to compromise on the ceremony?

bdpowell7 · November 2010

My fiance and I are in agreement that we want a secular, semi-casual weekend affair, spending the time with our closest friends and family outdoors at a rustic mountain resort, complete with bonfires and pig roasting. However, we can't seem to get on the same page in regard to the ceremony. He is happy going to City Hall, and doesn't see himself standing in front of a group of friends and family saying vows. However, I want to wear the dress, walk down an aisle, and have my best friends stand by me, while we say our vows to each other. How can I compromise? Does anyone have suggestions to merge our two visions for the ceremony?

Summer2011Bride · November 2010

I agree with PP that if you are having a wedding where many people are from OOT (or even if they're in town), it is considered rude to only invite them to one or the other. Now, if you wanted a ceremony that was VERY intimate, like just you two and your folks, I could see just inviting people to a reception. But it sounds like you want the total opposite. The only compromise I can think of is to see if you can make the guest list really small, just immediate family and close friends maybe. That way, there's not a TON of people there for him, but you can still do all the things you wanted. Just realize that if you do this, it would be very rude to invite more people to the reception-only.

tldh · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_compromise-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:bca55332-e285-493a-b41f-931c6cc76deePost:669ec86e-a177-4751-87f4-02c9e4ceb03e">How to compromise on the ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are in agreement that we want a secular, semi-casual weekend affair, spending the time with our closest friends and family outdoors at a rustic mountain resort, complete with bonfires and pig roasting. However, we can't seem to get on the same page in regard to the ceremony. He is happy going to City Hall, and doesn't see himself standing in front of a group of friends and family saying vows. However, I want to wear the dress, walk down an aisle, and have my best friends stand by me, while we say our vows to each other. How can I compromise? Does anyone have suggestions to merge our two visions for the ceremony?
Posted by bdpowell7[/QUOTE]

I don't get it. Why invite everyone down for this celebration and then deprive them of the wedding? When you're talking about having all of your guests come from OOT, you don't have the option going to the JOP and then having a reception afterwards. Either you have a DW in this situation or you don't.

aerinpegadrak · November 2010

You only say what he doesn't want in the ceremony. What DOES he want? You can't reach a compromise by just saying no, you have to look at the elements that you both want in a ceremony and try to make sure each of you has something that you want represented.

Though I agree that if you're asking people to give up their entire weekend for you, they're going to want to see the ceremony, and might skip the whole thing if they're not invited to the actual wedding portion.

schadbourne · November 2010

if you are on the same page with the outside reception why not have a very simple ceremony outside, i think a lot of time what you need to do is reassure your FI, explain to him that walking down an aisle and wearing a white dress is important to you. If he is scared about writing his own vows, dont. Instead write your own ceremony with your FI, make the repeating part the bare minimum. It doesnt have to be more than 10 or 15 minutes. You dont even have to have a unity candle or sand or whatever.

A lot of guys have a very traditional idea of wedding ceremony in their heads, not that there is anything wrong with one but some guys dont think of the possiblity of having an short untradional ceremony. Find some photos and examples of short ceremonies and show him he may change his mind. Becaue they way you are describing it sounds like he thinks it is one way or the other (simple court house vs. large complicated traditional wedding ceremony)

lalap69 · November 2010

You can't invite people to your wedding and then exclude them from the ceremony. Talk to your FI. Explain how important to you it is that you get to have those things that you mentioned in your OP. Once you describe your vision, maybe he'll be able to imagine it too. Or maybe you could compromise on a scaled-down version of what you want. But you cannot JOP it and have a reception with people who weren't invited. That's rude.

How to compromise on the ceremony?

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