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Wedding Party

Maid of Honor Accommodation Issue

Hi - My maid of honor will be attending my wedding in the summer from out of state. I also will be joining her from out of state. So it will be like a destination wedding but where I grew up. My question is is it my responsbility to pay for her accommodations at the hotel we are both staying at or help her cut down her accommodation costs? I sent out an email about blocking some rooms at a reasonably priced rate at the Hilton and she wrote back that she wants to know if she can share the cost of her room with someone that night. Because she is attending the rehearsal dinner she wants to know if someone will split the cost with her that night. The following night she will split it with 2 other friends. I'm a little upset about this because she's expecting me to take care of her, like pick her up since she won't have a car. I'm having a dilemma as not only do my fiance and I have to pay for our own rooms but we have to pay for his family's accommodations. What's the best way to handle this situation? What should I tell her? I feel like if I try to help her, then I only make myself miserable. When I was bridesmaids at my friend's weddings, I always rented my own car, paid for my own hotel rooms, etc. Why can't she suck it up and pay for her room for one night?

Re: Maid of Honor Accommodation Issue

  • You shouldn't assume that your MOH is in the financial place to pay for these things. No, it's not your responsibility to pay for her accommodations, but if she's not familiar with the area she may just be looking for some advice/guidance.

    Just tell her that you don't know of anyone that could share a room, but you'll keep an ear out for her. As for "taking care of her" if she mentions something that you really don't think you'll be able to do, just tell her and explain that you have a lot to take care of. She should understand.
  • While many don't follow this etiquette rule, technically the bride and groom are responsible for providing accomodations for their WP for the time that they need to stay.

    I did this for my BMs the night before the wedding as I knew they were in town until late for the RD and then we were up early for the wedding.  They were on their own for the wedding night (and by providing, we had a sleepover at my parents' home).

    However if you're not in a position to do this, be honest and talk to her about options. If this is her hometown, can she stay with someone the night before?  Could she crash with you?
  • I don't understand why you would be upset that she's looking for a way to reduce her costs.  If there was somebody who might be willing to share a room, then why should she "suck it up" and pay more if she didn't have to?  Are you staying with anyone that night?  Lots of people have something akin to a sleepover with their bridesmaids the night before so maybe she's hoping you can do that.  Or since it's your hometown, maybe you can find her a couch to crash on.
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  • xoxobxoxob member
    1000 Comments
    One of the first things we budgeted for was paying for the WP rooms the night before the wedding. The night after the wedding, they are on their own, mostly because they can go home right after the wedding (but we're still hoping they won't).

    Are you staying with anyone? Can she just come with you? Renting cars, hotels, etc can get really expensive and I don't blame her for wanting some assistance in this area.

    I don't think it would hurt to just cast a net to see if anyone is willing to split the cost of the room. I understand that you're going to be very busy and probably a little stressed right before the wedding, but I'm assuming your MOH is your best friend. Don't you want to help her as much as you can, the same way she has helped you over the years?
  • Your post is a little confusing to me. Is she asking you to pay for her hotel accommodations? If so, then you do not need to do that if it is not within your means. Is she asking you to help her find someone to split the room with on the night of the rehearsal dinner? If so, you should absolutely call everyone who is coming into town and try to find someone that she can split costs with. It is least you can do if she is spending money on airfare, hotels, a dress, bridal shower, gift, etc. all for you.
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    One of my sister's friends (a guest) e-mailed me and asked if anyone wanted to share a hotel room to cut down on costs. Turns out that my bridesmaid, who was attending solo and was going to book a single room, was delighted to be able to share the cost with someone. It's not an uncommon request.

    So ask around and see if anyone wants to split a room with her. Or, if you know anyone living in the area who has a spare room, see if they would let her stay there for a few days.

    You're not responsible for paying for her accommodations, but it would be considerate to find a way to help her out. Call a few hotels to see who has the best price, see if a Triple AAA card or student discount (or whatever you have) could help, reach out to other single girls and see if they want a roommate for the weekend.

    And as for why she can't "suck it up and pay" - don't assume that you know someone else's financial situation. Maybe she doesn't have the money. Even if you think you know for sure that she does. And even if she DOES, who wouldn't rather spend a bit less if they had the opportunity?


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  • Since the wedding is where you grew up, do your parents still live there?  Can she stay at their place?  Or another friend in town?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-accommodation-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:dac9d021-9746-41cd-80cd-fa2cb790d05cPost:438b68a0-a126-42cd-8888-23faa09f6c5f">Maid of Honor Accommodation Issue</a>:
    [QUOTE] I'm a little upset about this because she's expecting me to take care of her, like pick her up since she won't have a car. Posted by xstaticnyc[/QUOTE]

    I don't think you have any place to be upset by her wanting to see if you can help find someone to split the room with her or for her asking you to pick her up. I know you're going to be busy and I'm sure you have a lot to do, but she's your MOH and she's agreed to take on the expenses of buying a dress and traveling to your wedding so you can't blame her for trying to save on hotel expenses.

    She's not asking you to "take care of her," she's asking you for a little bit of help for <em>your </em>wedding. And if it's that big of deal to pick her up (again, I get it, you're going to be busy) ask one of your family members to go get her.
  • I paid for hotel and gas money for my MOH, her husband, and another BM (her best friend).  They were just going to drive in the morning of the wedding and drive out after the reception, but I positively begged MOH to let me get them a hotel for the night before because I wanted them to actually enjoy themselves and not be exhausted and stressed.  I would have been absolutely heartbroken had she not been able to come, so I was more than willing to do whatever was necessary to facilitate it.  (We're not talking the Ritz here, it was a $30 hotel room.  But that was money she didn't have, so I paid.)

    You don't know what financial obligations another person has, and what you might be asking her to go without in order to "suck it up" and fork over money she clearly doesn't have.  "Reasonably priced" for you might be way beyond her means.  Her money =/= your business.

    Show a little compassion.  Your MOH is supposed to be your best friend, it seems you've forgotten that.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • This is not uncommon.  She's spending all this time and money to travel just to be in your wedding.  Helping her find ways to cut the cost of the trip is a pretty fair request.  Remember, she's not making this trip because she thought it would be a fun vacation.  

    Every time I've ever been in a wedding, all the BMs stayed with the bride the night before.  You could split a room with her the night before.  
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