What if...

katiekrol · March 2011

What if I want a deacon to marry us... but outside of the church? Is this possible? Is it validly recongnized by the church?

ootmother2 · March 2011

I believe that a deacon is bound to the same rules as a priest. He may marry you in the church unless there is a special dispensation to do it outdoors (that seldom happens)

I guess he could do the ceremony outside but it's genrally against church rules and it would not be recognized by the church

Is there some reason you want to be married outside the church? Most reasons don't hold much water in these cases.

[Deleted User] · March 2011

Ditto oot.

We had a full mass and had a Deacon and Priest present for our ceremony. H and I wanted it that way as we were close to both of them.

katiekrol · March 2011

I want to have a valid Catholic marriage, but my FI is not Catholic and he feels very uncomfortable having a full blown mass in a church since he is not and none of his family is Catholic at all. I want to have the ceremony on my family's ranch because that is where both of my grandparents (who I was very close to) are buried and I would like to have that special connection to them on my big day. My FI and I want to raise our children Catholic, and our church's Deacon is very close to my family and I so I want him to officiate, but I don't want anyone, esp my FI to feel uncomfortable.

ring_pop · March 2011

A deacon cannot perform a mass, and your FI being non-Catholic would mean that you probably wouldn't have a mass anyway. A deacon would perform a Catholic wedding ceremony without a mass (but this would still need to be done in a church).

mica178 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_what-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:da92bf5d-fdcc-43f0-91a4-37de529ef0c2Post:9e4b1339-10a5-44d3-bbdd-78173f797dc3">Re: What if...</a>:
[QUOTE]I want to have a valid Catholic marriage, but my FI is not Catholic and he feels very uncomfortable having a full blown mass in a church since he is not and none of his family is Catholic at all. I want to have the ceremony on my family's ranch because that is where both of my grandparents (who I was very close to) are buried and I would like to have that special connection to them on my big day. My FI and I want to raise our children Catholic, and our church's Deacon is very close to my family and I so I want him to officiate, but I don't want anyone, esp my FI to feel uncomfortable.
Posted by katiekrol[/QUOTE]

If you want a valid Catholic marriage, then you need to follow the rules of the church. It's really rare to get a dispensation to marry outdoors. Most Catholic marriages happen within the walls of a church. However, you don't need the ceremony to be a full Mass, you can do a ceremony outside of Mass, which is a little shorter and does not include communion.

Could you consider having your reception on the family ranch instead?

Calypso1977 · March 2011

i like the idea of the reception at the ranch.

Irishcurls · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_what-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:da92bf5d-fdcc-43f0-91a4-37de529ef0c2Post:29e39466-a1a9-463a-ae1b-a490a73b71b6">Re: What if...</a>:
[QUOTE]A deacon cannot perform a mass, and your <strong>FI being non-Catholic would mean that you probably wouldn't have a mass anyway.</strong> A deacon would perform a Catholic wedding ceremony without a mass (but this would still need to be done in a church).
Posted by ring_pop[/QUOTE]

<div>Maybe this is a regional thing? My FI isn't Catholic but I wouldn't get married without a full mass and there's no issue with that. Come to think of it, I've been to 3 inter-faith weddings in the last two years that were full masses. </div>

ring_pop · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_what-if?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:da92bf5d-fdcc-43f0-91a4-37de529ef0c2Post:b8b88871-6bc7-4152-988c-29bc1bcf1b8a">Re: What if...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What if... : Maybe this is a regional thing? My FI isn't Catholic but I wouldn't get married without a full mass and there's no issue with that. Come to think of it, I've been to 3 inter-faith weddings in the last two years that were full masses.
Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]

I think it depends on the priest and parish. I've also attended a wedding with a mass at my parish where the groom was not Catholic, but the groom attended mass every week with his fiancee and they both wanted mass at their wedding.

Many, but not all priests, will advise against having a mass if one party is not Catholic because it can appear a little divisive when one party receives Communion and the other doesn't. Some priests feel more strongly about this than others. Some are more lenient about it.

In any case, a deacon definitely can't say a mass anyway.

agapecarrie · March 2011

If the non-Catholic isn't baptized, a full mass is not allowed (there are exceptions). If the non-Catholic is baptized, a full mass is allowed, but the rubric suggests just a liturgy of the word. It is merely a suggestion, though.

Calypso1977 · March 2011

my BIL is having mass and his fiancee isnt catholic. but she wanted the mass too, because she knew it was important to him and she's considering conversion at some point.

laurenes · March 2011

Your deacon can definitely participate in your ceremony, but it cannot be presided over soley by him. My godfather's dad is a deacon and when his daughter got married he said the homily and whatnot, but there was a priest celebrating mass. I was too young to remember if he did the vows or not. I do remember it being a touching homily since the deacon was the bride's father.

It is highly unlikely that you will be allowed to marry not in a church. It can't hurt to ask you deacon about this, but chances are the answer is no, as Catholics and their non-Catholic partners get married in the church all the time (so I can't see that as a reason to get special dispensation).

I would recommend doing the reception at your family's ranch if you have your heart set on that location - I always felt that outdoor receptions are all kinds of beautiful, although I was too chicken about the weather to try it myself. They only other suggestive I would have is to look into different churchs in your area. FI and I are getting married at the student center parish at our alma mater. The center only has blue chairs, no pews/kneelers, which we saw as a plus so that our non Catholic/non religious wouldn't feel awkward about all the kneeling there normally is at mass. Maybe something like would make your FI's family more comfortable?

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