Sister of the Groom

corbindallas1 · January 2012

I am the groom to be. I have two brothers and one sister. My brother's are my best men. My fiance has one sister and one half brother. Her sister is her maid of honor. We originally agreed that my sister and her half brother would not be a bridesmaid or a groomsmen and that we would find some "other" role for them. I have never planned a wedding before and never thought deeply about any of these issues. My fiance and I had a civilized convo about it and agreed to exclude the sister and half brother. In the meantime, one of my brothers actually got married during this decisionmaking time and my sister was a bridesmaid. When my sister found out that she wouldn't be one at my wedding she was devastated. She didn't specifically want to be a bridesmaid, she just felt that the exclusion made her feel unloved by me and my bride to be and unequal to my brothers. Hearing my baby sister cry (19 yrs old) was never something I thought I was agreeing to. I suggested to my fiance that my sister become a "groomswoman" and stand on my side. For whatever reason my fiance didn't like this and wanted us to stick to excluding the half brother and little sister from the wedding party. She preferred to let her read a poem or give a toast instead. I want my sister on equal footing with my other siblings, but my fiance thinks that I am giving in to pressure from my family and that she looks like the bad guy. I told her that I would have never agreed to hurting my sister in this way and that it was my mistake for not figuring out her specific role at the beginning. Advice please.

OBX2011 · January 2012

When picking your WP, you chose the ones that are closest to you. If you heart of hearts is telling you to have baby sis in the wedding, then have her in the wedding. This could be something that you regret later and you only get 1 chance to make this happen.

She can still be a BM and it is totally acceptable if there are an uneven # of people.

This will be a good learning experience for you and FI to learn how to compromise on things. There may be something down the road in wedding planning world that FI really wants that you don't, thus you compromise.

If you feel strongly enough about this, talk to FI and tell her how you really feel about baby sister. And FTR (for the record), I don't think your FI will look bad at all. I would bet to say that your family and especially baby sister would be thrilled that she is now part of the WP and once that announcement has been made, no one is going to look back and think indifferently about FI.

What are you going to do about half brother though? Just curious.

em01092 · January 2012

Hmm. Well my first thought is to not ask her, because then it makes her seem like an afterthought and may make your sister feel like she is only being asked because she made a big deal about it. Being a reader at the ceremony is a nice, honorary position, so that would still be something she could do, but don't ask her to give a toast. That's rude.

However, if you want her on your side, I think that is perfectly all right. You get to pick your WP, not your fiancee.

I mean, ideally you want to be on the same page about this sort of thing, so defintely figure it out and come to some kind of compromise before talking to your sister again. So in your FI's defense, a reader is a totally acceptable and honorably role for your sister (maybe her half brother could be an usher?), but in your defense, your FI should not be dictating your WP. She picks hers, you pick yours. Oh and ask her if all this drama is worth the rift she may cause between you and your sister. Remind her that the wedding is one day, while your sister will be her SIL for much longer.

StephBeanWed61502 · January 2012

Your FI doesn't really get a say in who stands up for you at the wedding... she picks her bridesmaids, you pick your groomsmen, and that's that. If you were trying to force your FI into having your sis be a bridesmaid, it would be fair for your FI to say no, but since you want your sis standing on your side as a groomswoman, I don't think your FI should get to stop you from doing this.

RaptorSLH · January 2012

There is nothing wrong with a groomswoman or bridesman, and your party is free to have either if you choose. Your FI really doesn't get to dictate your side of the wedding party.

Her issues with her half-brother are hers to work out, and while you should be supportive, that does not extend to estranging yourself from your sister. I could easily be wrong, but I suspect this is at the heart of her objection. Your goal with your FI should be finding a way to support and respect her feelings, without giving up something that is important to you.

As for your sister, tell her you didn't realize how much this meant to her. You always wanted to include her, but thought she might prefer having a different job. Now that you know better, you would love for her to be a groomsmaid. From your reaction, it certainly seems to be the truth. If your FI doesn't want her to match the dresses on your side, she can wear a black dress, or whatever else matches the men on your side.

Starfish0116 · January 2012

I don't see what it would hurt including her. Any specific reason why your fiance doesn't want to include her half brother?

My FI and I have been together for 12 years, but I'm not super close with his sister, mainly due to distance. I really like her a lot, but we're not "talk on the phone each day and hang out friends". Similarly, FI is not super close with my brother. They were roommates for a couple years in college and are friends, but he wouldn't be a GM contender if he weren't my brother.

That being said, we are including siblings in the wedding. His sister will be a BM, my brother a GM. It's more of a southern tradition, and I just think it's a nice way to honor our family.

Maggie0829 · January 2012

What it comes down to is what you want. I think it is great that you and your FI talked about your wedding party, but in reality, who stands up on your side is completely up to you. If you want to include your sister then you have that right.

getaclue44 · January 2012

My brothers are not GM for my wedding and they are totally fine with it, we gave them different jobs...curious that your decision was made after your sister's tears and maybe your FI is feeling manipulated by the situation...you guys agreed on something, your sister cries, and you want to change it...is this a pattern?

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