HELP!!!!!!

camo_princess · January 2010

Okay My mom and I have just recently started to get along really well, you know past the teenage rebellion period, and whatnot. My mom is SUPER excited about the up coming wedding, and honestly you would think I would be to but its starting to turn into a nightmare! All she talks about is the wedding which is great cause especially since we have started to finally get close I want her input, but she is SO negtive about EVERYTHING and every idea I have about MY wedding she says is stupid or ugly. I honestly dont know what to do. My fiance is getting highly upset about it cause she usually calls me during the day and by the time he gets home from work I am in tears and very upset, when this should be the happiest time of my life. My fiance says he is considering making a list of rules for anyone involved in planning the wedding Rule #1 Dont make Amanda cry.... and so forth and at the end of these rules saying that to anyone who breaks them will be told what to wear to the wedding and that we will see them there that there input is no longer needed. Part of me kinda wants to do it lol. but I really dont want to hurt my mom's feelings I am her only daughter. HELP anyone all advice welcome!!!!!!!

swim1011 · January 2010

Stop telling her every single detail, and she can't give you her input. Also, tell her that you appreciate she doesn't share your vision, but her negativity is really bothering you, and to keep her trap shut if she doesn't like whatever you tell her. Your wedding, not hers.

And btw, skip the list of rules.

Butter Cookie · January 2010

1) is she paying for the wedding? If not, this simplifies things greatly. You say, "Thank you for your suggestion Mom!" and hang up the phone, and go ahead with what you want to do. You could also give her something specific to have total control over, with a speach about how she's so great at picking out food with X budget, or picking out the centerpieces, or flowers, or cake. Give her total control, relinquish any rights to it, and move on. She'll be happy, you'll be sane, and your FI won't have to make her wear a big sign that says "I eat boogers" to your wedding.

If she IS paying for the wedding or part of the wedding you're going to have to accept that she gets some input. My Mom is contributing X amount and we're contributing X amount. She gets a say in the wedding. We too butted heads like a couple of budding bucks when I was a teenager, and that fear is always there that the anger and screaming will come back, so I understand. You can find a kind, non offensive way to get your point across. If you can't you're not trying hard enough. You might look into books on communication.

Look at it this way: "Babe, that dress makes you look fat" can be the same thing as, "That dress doesn't do you justice. You know which dress does? This one."

danieliza1127 · January 2010

I think your FI was just joking, and if he wasn't, just please don't do his idea. There is a much more adult way of handling your wedding planning. The first is to realize that just because someone doesn't like your idea, that doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't do it and it isn't a personal reflection on you that should send you to tears. The second is to stop telling your mom every wedding detail. If you two haven't historically had a good relationship, don't expect it to get better now just because you're getting married. You are both the same people you've always been and if you didn't get along before, you won't start now with wedding planning. Plan your wedding with you FI and if your mom isn't liking your ideas, stop telling her things.

HELP!!!!!!

Re: HELP!!!!!!

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