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Meal Option Etiquette

chumlee7478chumlee7478
100 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Good afternoon ladies,

Is it ok to not have an entree choice offered to guests?

We were planning on offering chicken as an entree and a silent vegetarian option. There are a wide variety of apps during cocktail hour, so if people want beef, seafood, etc, those will be available in app form.

I just wanted to check, as I've been to weddings where we've had to choose our meal before sending in the RSVP.  I'm not sure if this is the norm, so I wanted to check to make sure we weren't being rude hosts. 

Thank you in advance!
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Re: Meal Option Etiquette

  • LDYGTR13LDYGTR13 member
    2500 Comments
    I think you're safe with chicken. People can suck it up for one meal, IMO. It's not like you're not feeding them. I look at it like a plated meal at a business meeting - the plate comes out, you eat it. 
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  • littleluckypennylittleluckypenny member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments
    As long as there are more than one option, with one being vegetarian, that's fine.

    We're not offering choices either, but we will have chicken, fish and vegetarian options.
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    As long as you do have a veggie option available for those who request it I think you're fine. Chicken is definitely your safest bet.
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    We only did one entree (which was chicken) and everyone was fine with it.  I did have one guest call before the wedding to ask what the dinner would be (since there wasn't a choice, it wasn't listed on the RSVP cards) and requested a vegetarian meal.  Our venue prepared eggplant as the main entree the same way they prepared the chicken and it came with the same sides, that way it wasn't so obvious to everyone else that it was different.
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    It's fine.  As long as there's a silent vegetarian option and a varied appetizer spread, your guests should be fine.
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  • lbarr088lbarr088
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Does anyone you know that is coming have food allergies?  That's where it might get tricky...
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  • StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I'd say one meal choice is fine, but I'd verbally tell my vegetarian guests about the "silent" vegetarian option beforehand.  I have a coworker who is vegetarian, and she'll generally just take what's offered, food-wise, and then just not eat or only eat the side dishes - she doesn't usually ask if there's a vegetarian option (I have no idea why she doesn't).
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  • chumlee7478chumlee7478
    100 Comments
    Thank you all!

    The apps at cocktail hour will be very varied (vegetarian, meat, seafood, and one vegan app). 

    It's a 5 course meal, plus a bonus dessert. I was hoping people would leave stuffed and happy, but I just wanted to make sure we weren't being rude with just one option. 
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  • chumlee7478chumlee7478
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_meal-option-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d38512d-2bec-46a6-99a6-d0185fa26fd6Post:3912539d-6a13-4408-af2d-4ad7b73b0455">Re: Meal Option Etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know about vegetarians who are that way for ethical beliefs, but I would never request a vegetarian dish for an event if it wasn't a listed option.  I can usually buck up and eat just the sides of a dish. Not sure what I would do if there were no food choices on an RSVP card.
    Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]


    The waitstaff will ask at each table who wants chicken or vegetarian.  I confirmed this with the coordinator.  Even if we put it on the RSVP card, they'd still check to make sure they had the proper count at each table.
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_meal-option-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d38512d-2bec-46a6-99a6-d0185fa26fd6Post:febbaa91-5c13-4b8b-85c1-5b669e03caa5">Re: Meal Option Etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does anyone you know that is coming have food allergies?  That's where it might get tricky...
    Posted by lbarr088[/QUOTE]

    I would think most people with food allergies know to ask beforehand because that's not something you can expect everyone to know.  I had a friend who was very allergic to strawberries and he always asked if any dishes had them anytime food was prepared by someone other than himself.  When you are that allergic, you can't just count on people to know or to tell you all of the ingredients of every dish.

    But of course, if you know for sure of anyone ahead of time, you can check with the caterer for other options for that person, but in most cases I think, you aren't going to know the allergies of everyone you invite unless they tell you.
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  • lbarr088lbarr088
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_meal-option-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d38512d-2bec-46a6-99a6-d0185fa26fd6Post:8f90cc09-c8b1-4fc2-84ed-39e57fb02a0f">Re: Meal Option Etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Meal Option Etiquette : I would think most people with food allergies know to ask beforehand because that's not something you can expect everyone to know.  I had a friend who was very allergic to strawberries and he always asked if any dishes had them anytime food was prepared by someone other than himself.  When you are that allergic, you can't just count on people to know or to tell you all of the ingredients of every dish. But of course, if you know for sure of anyone ahead of time, you can check with the caterer for other options for that person, but in most cases I think, you aren't going to know the allergies of everyone you invite unless they tell you.
    Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

    <div>Agreed.  I know of a few so I'm planning for them in advance (gluten free).  That one is tough because gluten is in so many things, I would feel awful if all they could eat was a salad.  </div><div>
    </div><div>If you don't know then yes, it is the responsibility of the person with the allergies to contact you so you can make small changes to the menu :)</div>
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  • chumlee7478chumlee7478
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_meal-option-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5d38512d-2bec-46a6-99a6-d0185fa26fd6Post:febbaa91-5c13-4b8b-85c1-5b669e03caa5">Re: Meal Option Etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does anyone you know that is coming have food allergies?  That's where it might get tricky...
    Posted by lbarr088[/QUOTE]


    Yes, myself and half my bridal party are allergic to a ton of stuff, so those have been noted.  We were told by the coordinator not to ask about allergies on the RSVP card because people tend to write the things they don't like vs what they're actually allergic to.  I have a bridesmaid who will die if she eats peanuts. My aunt had no issue telling me not to put potatoes on her plate because she doesn't want to be bloated (yep, true story).   So suffice to say, no one's being exposed to peanuts, but my aunt can push the potatoes to the side.

    The waitstaff will ask at each table if there's a guest with a reactive allergy, and they'll go from there.  Given that in the bridal party alone, we cover every food allergy (and 2 the coordinator hadn't heard of), the kitchen is prepped to cook the food in the best allergen free way possible.
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  • divadancer11divadancer11 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    We are not giving an option as we are having a semi-family style....soup, salad are individual and then each guest will get a plate of veggies/potato and then platters of london broil, champagne chicken and penne w/vodka sauce will be passed. Along with all of the appetizers and the cake, ice cream and pasterie platters at each table.......hope they leave full and happy!
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  • Jana711Jana711
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    What exactly is a silent vegetarian option?  I realized a few weeks ago that we didn't list a vegetarian option on the reply cards and I am hoping that it won't be an issue.  We're having a chicken and a beef option, and I know that a few guests are vegetarians and will be ordering them a vegetarian meal.  Is the silent vegetarian option just when people let you know informally that they'd like that option?
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