Friend just got engaged..will it last?

Hersheyk19 · August 2012

So I've been married for 2 months (both 29)...been with hubby for 5 yrs prior. My friend (25) was a bridesmaid, her now "fiance" (29) was our best man. They've been dating 4 yrs and she's been bugging him to get married for awhile now but he wasn't ready. All his friends are now engaged and or married so he finally proposed to her last week...I feel out of jelousy and didnt wanna be the last one standing unmarried. But in the months prior everytime he called my hubby and she got together with me, all they do is complain about eachother...She told me about a month ago and that she had a set date that if he didn't propose by she was outta there. Here's the main complaints after they've been living toegether for almost 1 year
He says:
she's lazy/no mioivation- finally got a real teaching job after subbing and not having a summer job
She has a crap car
she's clingy and jelous-stalks his phone all the time(even at my hubbys bachelor party)
he wishes she would work out more...shes thin on top but a little round in the hips and thighs

She says:

He's too OCD- which he really is

He gives her no space for her stuff in his condo only he ownes (she only pays the water bill)

she has 1 shelf in the fridge dedicated for her stuff (he eats nothing but chicken)

Overall, she is very clingy and jelous as she's only 25. They have fun together but it seems like she walks on egg shells around him in the own space they are now sharing and they don't do things people would (i think) normally do together such as shower, talk about gas, go to the bathroom while someone else is in there, all those funny things that just make you comfortable around someone you'll be with forever! I'm worried about my friend and if they will even make it through their engagement/marraige cuz its what she "wanted" so badly...any thoughts?

GoodLuckBear14 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_friend-just-got-engagedwill-it-last?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:9fd745e1-79ed-4662-8d7a-f0edafaf505bPost:2e55c2e1-1a2f-4d11-9e75-b2ed0be0205a">Friend just got engaged..will it last?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I've been married for 2 months (both 29)...been with hubby for 5 yrs prior. My friend (25) was a bridesmaid, her now "fiance" (29) was our best man. They've been dating 4 yrs and she's been bugging him to get married for awhile now but he wasn't ready. All his friends are now engaged and or married so he finally proposed to her last week...I feel out of jelousy and didnt wanna be the last one standing unmarried. But in the months prior everytime he called my hubby and she got together with me, all they do is complain about eachother...She told me about a month ago and that she had a set date that if he didn't propose by she was outta there. Here's the main complaints after they've been living toegether for almost 1 year He says: she's lazy/no mioivation- finally got a real teaching job after subbing and not having a summer job She has a crap car she's clingy and jelous -stalks his phone all the time(even at my hubbys bachelor party) he wishes she would work out more...shes thin on top but a little round in the hips and thighs She says: He's too OCD- which he really is He gives her no space for her stuff in his condo only he ownes (she only pays the water bill) she has 1 shelf in the fridge dedicated for her stuff (he eats nothing but chicken) Overall, she is very clingy and jelous as she's only 25. They have fun together but it seems like she walks on egg shells around him in the own space they are now sharing and<strong> they don't do things people would (i think) normally do together such as shower, talk about gas, go to the bathroom while someone else is in there, all those funny things that just make you comfortable around someone you'll be with forever!</strong>I'm worried about my friend and if they will even make it through their engagement/marraige cuz its what she "wanted" so badly...any thoughts?
Posted by Hersheyk19[/QUOTE]

Stay out of it. You have been told way too much about things that are none of your business to begin with.

As for your bolded part, I can honestly say that after 11 years together, DH and I have showered together maybe twice on vacation, have never discussed gas (of any kind unless you count a yelled "sorry" from another part of the house when a fart is unusually loud) or gone to the bathroom while the other person was in there. None of this would make me feel comfortable around him and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way.

Hersheyk19 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_friend-just-got-engagedwill-it-last?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:9fd745e1-79ed-4662-8d7a-f0edafaf505bPost:c64425b2-cdfb-4add-b6c7-014a237d65d9">Re: Friend just got engaged..will it last?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Friend just got engaged..will it last? : Stay out of it. You have been told way too much about things that are none of your business to begin with. As for your bolded part, I can honestly say that after 11 years together, DH and I have showered together maybe twice on vacation, have never discussed gas (of any kind unless you count a yelled "sorry" from another part of the house when a fart is unusually loud) or gone to the bathroom while the other person was in there. None of this would make me feel comfortable around him and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

LOL, sorry your insecure with yourself...that's too bad

firsttimersluck · August 2012

Every couple is different.

This is none of your business. She wil figure it out for herself. If things don't work out, it was a life lesson she needed.

GoodLuckBear14 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_friend-just-got-engagedwill-it-last?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:9fd745e1-79ed-4662-8d7a-f0edafaf505bPost:db3eff54-ea2a-45a3-ac6e-84f65b494b40">Re: Friend just got engaged..will it last?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Friend just got engaged..will it last? : LOL, sorry your insecure with yourself...that's too bad
Posted by Hersheyk19[/QUOTE]

Where in hell did you get insecurity from DH and I having enough consideration for eachother to not use the bathroom when the other is in there, not conversing about farting and preferring to shower or bathe by ourselves?

Summer2011Bride · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_friend-just-got-engagedwill-it-last?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:9fd745e1-79ed-4662-8d7a-f0edafaf505bPost:2e55c2e1-1a2f-4d11-9e75-b2ed0be0205a">Friend just got engaged..will it last?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I've been married for 2 months (both 29)...been with hubby for 5 yrs prior. My friend (25) was a bridesmaid, her now "fiance" (29) was our best man. They've been dating 4 yrs and she's been bugging him to get married for awhile now but he wasn't ready. All his friends are now engaged and or married so he finally proposed to her last week...I feel out of jelousy and didnt wanna be the last one standing unmarried. But in the months prior everytime he called my hubby and she got together with me, all they do is complain about eachother...She told me about a month ago and that she had a set date that if he didn't propose by she was outta there. Here's the main complaints after they've been living toegether for almost 1 year He says: she's lazy/no mioivation- finally got a real teaching job after subbing and not having a summer job She has a crap car she's clingy and jelous -stalks his phone all the time(even at my hubbys bachelor party) he wishes she would work out more...shes thin on top but a little round in the hips and thighs She says: He's too OCD- which he really is He gives her no space for her stuff in his condo only he ownes (she only pays the water bill) she has 1 shelf in the fridge dedicated for her stuff (he eats nothing but chicken) <strong>Overall, she is very clingy and jelous as she's only 25</strong>. They have fun together but it seems like she walks on egg shells around him in the own space they are now sharing and they don't do things people would (i think) normally do together such<strong> as shower, talk about gas, go to the bathroom while someone else is in there,</strong> all those funny things that just make you comfortable around someone you'll be with forever! I'm worried about my friend and if they will even make it through their engagement/marraige cuz its what she "wanted" so badly...any thoughts?
Posted by Hersheyk19[/QUOTE]

Are you implying all 25 year olds are clingy and jealous (it has an "a" in it)? I'm 26 and got married at 25, and I can assure you I'm neither of those things. Way to make an assumption. From your responses on here, I can tell you I know some 20 year olds that are more mature than you are coming across. Plus you're 29. I don't consider that ages beyond a 25 year old. It's 4 freakin' years. Give me a break.

Also, going to the bathroom in front of your spouse does not mean you have a good relationship. That is the absolute weirdest relationship indicator I've ever heard someone spout on TK. H and I PREFER to not pee in front of each other. In my opinion, using the restroom is something no one else needs to see except you. Do some couples do it because they don't mind? Sure. But it's not for us and not for many people I know.

My parents never did that and have been married 30 years. My grandparents don't do that (and I know because I practically lived with them every summer growing up) and just celebrated 58 years together. Going to the bathroom in front of each other does NOT equal a good, mature relationship. To say it does is just about the craziest thing I have ever heard.

firsttimersluck · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_friend-just-got-engagedwill-it-last?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:9fd745e1-79ed-4662-8d7a-f0edafaf505bPost:db3eff54-ea2a-45a3-ac6e-84f65b494b40">Re: Friend just got engaged..will it last?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Friend just got engaged..will it last? : LOL, sorry your insecure with yourself...that's too bad
Posted by Hersheyk19[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>WOOOOOW Now I just think that you're a snotty little girl that is jealous of her friend's engagement. </div><div>Especially since you feel the need to talk crap about her CAR and her hips.. Idk how those things are even relevant. It sounds to me like you have insecurity issues with your younger friend;as well as issues with grammar.</div><div>
</div><div>Get over yourself. </div><div>
</div>

mcskatcat · August 2012

OP, I would love to know who gave you the right to judge other people's relationships. Yes, it sounds like they might have some red flags to work through. But it's for them to work through. Unless you're concerned for her health/safety, it's none of your business.

And you are a real jerk for saying GLB is insecure. I know her plenty well and can say that she's not. In fact, I would say someone who calls others "jealous" a lot are way more likely to be more insecure.

catrb89 · August 2012

Wow OP, you seem to love judging everyone else. Just because a couple gives each other personal space doesn't mean that they're insecure.
And the couple you're asking about does seem to have some issues. But they may very well work out beautifully. Only they know how their relationship works, and something tells me they've been together for 4 years for a reason.

expats14 · August 2012

I don't know what sharing bathroom time has to do with the duration of a relationship. And if I'd been with someone for four years, I'd probably be asking about a future. In the past, this is how this conversation has gone:

Me: So, um, where do you see this going?

Ex: DUDE, I CAN'T AFFORD A RING RIGHT NOW, LEAVE ME ALONE, GIVE ME SPACE YOU CLINGY WOMAN.

Me: Um, peace out.

We don't know anything about your friend's relationship. But, from experience, people who use quotation marks to malign their friends' life choices and pass judgment on their friends behind their backs...those friendships DON'T last.

If you're worried about your friend, maybe you could try being a friend rather than passing judgment like that.

calliopeia2013 · August 2012

My thoughts are that you sound gossipy and judgemental and need to stay out of other people's business.

HobokensFury · August 2012

OP it's clear that you're the one with the problem, not your friend. You can add me to the list of insecure people that likes to shower and use the bathroom by myself.

hollyweenOR · August 2012

I'm saving the fun of peeing in front of my husband for when we're old and decrepit. Might as well have something new to look forward to, right? 0_o I'm an RN, I spend my working week all up in strangers' ones and twos (and lots else besides), I'm just not interested in sharing those when I get home. Plus we're planning starting a family soon, and frankly I'm enjoying my last year or so of private bathroom time. And people who do it differently? Fine by me. Let your freak flag fly. Bathroom habits are not, surprise, an indicator of the health of one's marriage.

Annas2013 · August 2012

Um I just had to add something. I see nothing wrong with showering together. It's fun. The bathroom part when someone else is in the room? No. I'm not comfortable with that. And that's okay. Not every couple does those things. Some do, some don't, and both options are normal.

Also? I think you need to stay out of your friend's business. It's her relationship. Whether or not it lasts, it's their decision to try in the first place. Keep your opinion to yourself. And airing their dirty laundry on the internet makes you look like a crappy friend.

GoodLuckBear14 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_friend-just-got-engagedwill-it-last?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:9fd745e1-79ed-4662-8d7a-f0edafaf505bPost:9c833bf0-f02b-4406-b667-ee0b34ca90cb">Re: Friend just got engaged..will it last?</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, <strong>I feel strongly that separate bathrooms are the ONLY way to go when living with a husband or significant other.</strong> I don't want to watch my husband urinate or defecate, and he doesn't want to see me do that, either. Nor would I want him to. There are some things that I feel are best done privately -- the aforementioned urinating and defecating, handling feminine hygiene matters, grooming and maintenance of one's lady business, plucking the odd, misplaced hair, and farting. I've only farted in front of my husband once, and purely by accident. I don't fart in front of people, period. It's just not something I feel is ever appropriate. I have no problem with showering together, but since we don't have the luxury of a humongous walk-in shower stall with shower heads coming from every direction, we don't do it. It's the kind of thing that seems really exciting and great when you're a teen or young adult but eventually you realize that someone always has to stand there naked and shivering because the other person has the "pole position" closest to the shower head.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

Yes. Yes. Yes!!!!

My SsIL told me that my mom and dad's favorite thing about our house is that DH and I each have our own bathroom.

LiLe422 · August 2012

OP, why so judgey? You do not sound sincerely concerned for your friend. You sound JEALOUS! Everything you described about their relationship is NOYB! Oh, and In the 10 years with FI I have never. ever. not once. pee'd or pooped in front of him, and vice versa. Although we do shower together all the time

Lilmama411 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_friend-just-got-engagedwill-it-last?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:9fd745e1-79ed-4662-8d7a-f0edafaf505bPost:2df1e323-ad50-4265-a79b-058959cf95dd">Re: Friend just got engaged..will it last?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Friend just got engaged..will it last? : WOOOOOW Now I just think that you're a snotty little girl that is jealous of her friend's engagement. Especially since you feel the need to talk crap about her CAR and her hips.. Idk how those things are even relevant. It sounds to me like you have insecurity issues with your younger friend;as well as issues with grammar. Get over yourself.
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE] I defin have to agree with you!!!!! This Post took the words out my mouth. I was just in the same situation with a friend of 15yrs!!!! I got Engaged and she has sooooooooo much stuff to say about my Ring... How did he afford that etc. NOT a Friend to me at ALL Anymore! She was suppose to get Married and because it never happened and I was, she had something smart to say about everything dealing with me being Happy. She was insecure with herself and not happy with her life. We are no longer friends I think she got the hint when she would text me I never responded. NOT a FRIEND!

AshleyMerworth · August 2012

You should stay out of it. Everyone is different. My first marriage (of 10yrs) we may have showered together everyone once in awhile. As for going to the bathroom with him i did that sometimes cause it was the only time I could pin him down to talk to him about important things otherwise he was too busy. I guess that could be considered weird but the only time we really talked. As for my FI I dont know if I would ever do that with him. We have an awesome relationship and i dont think that going to the bathroom with him will improve our relationship.

lindsaynewbride10 · August 2012

OP, sounds to me like you tend to be a little on the judgemental side- you probably need to stay out of it, enjoy your own marriage.

wrigleyville · August 2012

God forbid a woman be round through the hips and thighs and shaped like... a woman. The nerve of her being smaller on top than the bottom.

jessica121212 · August 2012

OMG, I can't even believe someone posted this...what kind of friend are you anyway?? I really hope that your newely engaged friend doesn't sign up for this website and see this, you will totally crush all her marraige hopes and dreams....

( I think this post needs to be taken down so a bad friend doesn't get ruin someones happy time

thejucheidea · August 2012

Man I wish someone had quoted the OP...

Friend just got engaged..will it last?

Re: Friend just got engaged..will it last?

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