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Samantha Edmisten · March 2010

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bablingbrooke · March 2010

Yes, I think you are judging too harshly. People are in weddings for all sorts of reasons: family politics, tit-for-tat, avoiding drama, closeness, and DNA. What does it matter if he had a change of heart so long as he's there and supports the marriage?

I also think this should be 100% up to your FI since he hasn't done anything to warrant you vetoing his participation (he hasn't insulted you or your marriage or anything like that).

mbcdefg · March 2010

My opinion: if he's willing to rent the tux and be an usher, just let him.

I don't think that not wanting to be an usher "for the right reasons" is a big deal at all. He's just bringing people to their seats and posing for a few photos ... it's not like he's doing something serious under false pretenses, like becoming a priest or adopting a child. I think you're putting too much emphasis on this role and making it out to be something of utmost importance when it's really not, and I think that leaving him out to teach him a lesson about the "right reasons" is not going to have an affect other than making you and your FI look pretentious and snotty about all this (not saying you ARE being this way, I'm just saying that that's how it might come across).

Besides, he would've still been an usher had he not (rudely) opened his mouth in the first place, so it's not like you're adding someone new or kicking someone out. Nothing seems to be changing here, so it's not like his change of heart is thowing a wrench into your plans. Sometimes you have to pick your battles when planning a wedding, and personally I think that this is not a battle worth fighting.

What does your FI think about all this?

mbcdefg · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_advice-request-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:5abb6305-6247-4ab8-ab50-745e8cbec70dPost:fce405c0-1d29-4e4a-92fc-73e9116d76b4">n</a>:
[QUOTE] <p>My fiance and I decided on our wedding party over six months ago: 5 BMs and 5GMs. Because we are having a large wedding with about 400 guests, we decided to have 5 ushers as well. After we had made our decision, but before my fiance and I had talked to everyone in the wedding party, one of his friends asked my fiance, "Am I going to be a GM in your wedding?". My fiance told him that although he had chosen other guys to be GM, we really wanted him to be an usher for our wedding. His friend told him that he only wanted to be a GM, and made a comment about ushers standing in the back of the church and not doing anything glamorous. I was very upset that not only had asked to be a GM, but then did not accept the request to be an usher.

This weekend my fiance, GMs, ushers, and our fathers are getting fitted for their tuxes. Last night my fiance's and some of his friends were hanging out and the friend who previously did not want to be involved because he wouldn't be a GM found out that the ushers will be wearing tuxes. After that, he begged my fiance to let him be an usher in the wedding. My fiance told him that we (my fiance and I) would have to discuss it. I really feel that his friend's change of heart comes only with the knowledge that the ushers will be in tuxes, and that he does not want to be in the wedding for the right reasons. Am I judging too harshly by not believing that his change of heart is genuine and not wanting him to be an usher?

Any advice is appreciated!</p>
Posted by Samantha [/QUOTE]

stina93446 · March 2010

haha, I love it when people try to DD and get caught. Nice paste, malphabet.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

malphabet's exactly right. By trying to "teach him a lesson," you just look like a tool.

CTGirl30 · March 2010

Ooooh, I am always intrigued by posts that have a single letter as a subject - or better yet a "."

Thankfully this one was quoted for posterity!

lalap69 · March 2010

Thanks for catching that, malphabet

I love the quoting function

megandjay · March 2010

Yes, you are judging too harshly. Let him be an usher, or risk damaging the friendship forever.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

I love when people say "any advice is appreciated" then they get good advice, and get all baby about it.

What a child!

bablingbrooke · March 2010

I am actually going to come to OP's defense here. I responded really soon after she posted and she'd already DD'd by the time I finished my response (which didn't take that long to write). I'm guessing she wrote it, got it off her chest, realized that it was kind of a silly thing to be upset about, then tried to DD but I'd already started to reply so she couldn't. I think the reason you see "n" or "." in posts is that TK probably requires some text in the box in accordance with the anti-DD formatting. That's just a guess though.

jagore08 · March 2010

I think you're right about the single letter or period. I also think that anyone with less than 50 posts should be immediately quoted

I liked to be entertained through out the day.

stina93446 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_advice-request-wedding-party-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:5abb6305-6247-4ab8-ab50-745e8cbec70dPost:404ece5c-7677-46e0-8698-d0e8127b3c47">Re: n</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you're right about the single letter or period. I also think that anyone with less than 50 posts should be immediately quoted :) I liked to be entertained through out the day.
Posted by jagore08[/QUOTE]
Sometimes when I read the title and it sounds "whiny" or "immature" and I don't have time to actually read it, I'll quote it and run. I did this recently and the person was confused why someone would quote her....better safe than sorry though.

CTGirl30 · March 2010

Oh yes, they have to replace their original subject line and message body with something since they can't technically DD anymore once people respond so I know when I see someone has put either a period or just one letter I probably missed something good. ;-)

Sometimes I wonder if maybe their DD was a good thing - for them. In the sense that maybe they realized how unreasonable they were being and then felt embarrassed by their original post. I'd like to think it signifies a potential recognizing of the error of their ways and an intent to do better...or maybe I'm just being too optimistic. :-p

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