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What to do... My heart hurts...

So my dad is deceased and my mom is not a part of my life anymore (by her choosing). Both sides of the family are flaky and without spilling all of my family drama, I was not blessed with the best parents. When the time came to figure out who would walk me down the aisle, I was sort of at a loss. FI suggested my uncle (dad's brother). He and I were close when I was a child so it wasn't tooooo far fetched. So, I asked sometime before Thanksgiving and he said he'd be glad to. His wife and I had been trying to schedule a time for us all to have dinner so they could meet FI and all, but it never came to fruition.

Then yesterday, he leaves me a message (a FB post of all things) to let me know he was backing out. He said it was just going to "cost too much", which is just bull. I had told him he didn't have to rent a suit and could just wear slacks. And since they live about 2 hours away, I'd said they could just come for the day of and skip the rehearsal. So.... what cost? Besides gas.... are me and my wedding day not worth a tank of gas? 

It's so hard to feel like the people who are supposed to be your family don't even love you enough to support you in one of the most important days of your life. Uuuuuugh! I am just mad... and my heart is hurting... It just shouldn't be this hard... 

On top of that, I don't like the idea of walking alone... But i don't really have anyone else to ask... FI said I should walk alone since I am the one who got myself to this point (crappy parents, non-existant family and dealing with trials of life on my own) Makes sense, but I'm not crazy about the idea.

Re: What to do... My heart hurts...

  • I am really sorry about your family drama, I have been there and it is no fun. 

    Your FI could always come get you and the two of you could walk up the aisle, not traditional but who cares?
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_what-to-do-my-heart-hurts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:da9f1c0f-3a2f-4f60-bd61-dd750c382335Post:ba371cfc-e296-4f8f-a437-b9abc4b3c809">Re: What to do... My heart hurts...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am really sorry about your family drama, I have been there and it is no fun.  <strong>Your FI could always come get you and the two of you could walk up the aisle,</strong> not traditional but who cares?
    Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

    this is a great suggestion.

    Have you called your uncle to try and explain to him your suggestion on suit, coming up for the day only, etc? I wouldn't just let a FB message be the way yall talk about it.
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  • I told the uncle that prior to him backing out.

    FI and are tossing around some other ideas. One would be for him to meet me halfway. The other would be for my MOH to walk with me. Not sure what I will decide. But for today, I just feel hurt...
  • I'm so sorry to hear this! :hugs: 

    I love the idea of FI meeting you half way!

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  • Sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine what you're feeling.
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  • edited March 2012
    I'm sorry you'e going through this. I hope it all finds a good resolution.
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    "I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." -Isaiah 61:10 NKJV
  • I'm sorry, cwill. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you. Just remember that you have a Father who loves you very much and who would never desert you. He'll be with you.

    My first thought was a little like ravenray's, but I think hers is better. I thought he could just walk you down the aisle instead of standing at the front. But like she said, it would be really sweet for him to walk down and get you. After all, that sounds like it's a bit symbolic of your relationship since your family is not supportive. I think that would be beautiful, and besides sometimes weddings are so much alike that the guests are bored. After all, to an extent, they know what's going to happen (like the groom waiting for the bride at the front of the church).  I think your wedding has the potential to be much more interesting than some. My heart goes out to you right now, but I know you'll have a beaustiful day where you get to start your own family that will be all of the support you need (along with God, of course). 
  • That sounds really awful.  I very much understand that pain.  I felt a little that way -- probably not as much -- when my sister (the maid of honor) refused to do a toast for me at my wedding because she claimed it made her anxious.  I do like Ravenray's suggestion... she's Orthodox Christian like me, and generally, the groom and bride walk down together.  But I do like meeting the half-way-down-the-aisle idea.  Anyways, maybe there's something else going on with your uncle that we don't understand now, as that sounds like an excuse rather than a real justification.  But I'm really sorry you have to go through this difficult moment when wedding planning should be so joyous.     
  • Is there a guy that you are close to that's like a brother to you ?  Or what about your FI father ?

    Sorry to hear that
    Love is All You Need
  • I love the idea of your fiance coming to get you and walking you down the aisle, basically walking together towards the start of your new life and your true family.

    But there's nothing wrong with walking yourself down the aisle, like you said, you're the one who got yourself to this monumental moment in your life, you deserve the credit.
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