Non obsessive brides!!!! Rant

Hilraythebride · January 2012

I just wanted to make a comment on something that happened to me today. My mother and mother of the FG and FG went to DB to pick out her dress tonight. I couldn't go because I am living in VA and they live in PA. It didn't really matter to me what kind of dress she picked; long or short, sleeves or not. I figure they have a price range and I don't want to pick something out too expensive. In the end my mother sent me some pictures via e-mail after they had narrowed it down and I picked the one she looked like she liked the most, it was really cute, and after telling some woman that it didn't really matter to me what kind of dress she picked they looked at me like I had three heads.

I also told the BM they could wear whatever tyle shoes they want as long as they are silver, people asked me well what if they aren't all the same. That is the point I want them to be comfortable in then as it will be an all day and night affair!!

There are many other details that I am being kind of lax when it comes to other people and them spending their money on my day. Are there any other brides that are taking it easy on the obsessive compulsive bride-zilla thing? I feel like it is almost expected of us to be totally crazy running around screaming like a manic about cakes and flowers and invitations and everything! When this expecation isn't met, we are looked at like WE are the crazy ones!

Has anyone else had similar experiences?

jaime10285 · January 2012

Nobody has said anything negative about it to me, but I'm like you. I told my mom she could wear whatever she wanted and same with FMIL. I would hate being told a certain color or style. I haven't decided what to do about BM yet but I'm leaning towards just black heels. I think shows like Bridezillas set up an expectation about how brides should act, when really they're the ones acting odd! I'm sure the people in your life appreciate you not dictating everything to them!

Megbo2012 · January 2012

I'm the same way. BM ended up getting similar dresses, anyways. People were surprised when I went in that direction. Oh well. Don't let the fact that you don't want to be stressed, stress you out

julbgordo · January 2012

Same here. All of my BMs are even wearing different dresses and one of them bought her's this weekend and won't even tell me what she got. LOL. I told her, that I'm good with surprises, but let the other girls know so that they can plan accordingly or whatever.

Unlike you though, no one has really said anything to me about it or made weird comments. I do think that some people really need to lighten up about this sort of stuff though.

CvilleClaire · January 2012

It's now pretty common to have bridesmaids in different styles. Those who don't know that probably haven't seen a wedding magazine or blog in the last 5 years...which is totally understandable. The average person isn't up on wedding trends.

julbgordo · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_non-obsessive-brides-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2ff6b847-eb13-48f2-8961-c3dc28828b58Post:70339378-b9ce-4c87-ae18-e827d5c8204d">Re: Non obsessive brides!!!! Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]It's now pretty common to have bridesmaids in different styles. Those who don't know that probably haven't seen a wedding magazine or blog in the last 5 years...which is totally understandable. The average person isn't up on wedding trends.
Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]

<div>That's a really good point! If we weren't in the midst of planning a wedding I might think it was strange, but I'd still just go with the flow.</div><div>
</div><div>Edit: When I originally told all of my BMs that they could pick their own dress and shoes (I just told them the color family), I think that really threw them for a loop.</div>

sjhansen28 · January 2012

I kind of know how you feel. I told my bridesmaids to just pick a short dress from David's Bridal in my color that they liked. I ended up having to give them some options, and then just pick two for them to choose from because they wanted to know what I liked. I mean, it's not my dress! I just want them to feel comfortable and like what they're wearing. Same goes for shoes...I just said silver shoes, whatever you want and they wanted instructions on what to buy. You guys can dress yourselves every other day...why do you want me to dress you for my wedding?? I guess people are just so used to bridezilla brides that they don't know how to handle us regular, laid back ones.

TEEDAH226 · January 2012

You are totally like me lol. My SIL is my wedding planner and she has scolded me multiple times about being so lax. The only thing I picked were the dresses and they still have 2 dresses to choose from. I don't care about hairstyles or shoes, just as long as they are silver. I trust my bridesmaids taste

I have work, school and three children, I'm not going to babysit someone's choices lol.

L&J2012 · January 2012

No one's said anything to me, either, but I'm very easy-going, too. I gave my bridesmaids guidelines and they picked out their own dresses (though one needs to pick out a new one by the end of this week and she's known for a month now so I'm getting a little worried). But our mothers are picking out their own dresses and I honestly don't expect my bridesmaids to do anything except show up to the wedding. Two are very busy and an hour away, the other one is my sister who is awful at planning things haha. Don't let it get to you and keep doing what you're doing!

Jessica632011 · January 2012

Yes I am the same way. I really have no guidelines for anything. I told my BM to pick dresses they like and shoes they wanted. But my MOH insisted that they pick out matching dresses and shoes. So I told her as long as she found ones she liked and my other two BM agreed I was fine with them. In my MOH wedding last summer she didn't want anyone's hair down because hers was down and we all had to have the same color on our nails and toes. So I told them whatever hair style they want is fine with me, and they think I'm so easy going.

midgetthemighty · January 2012

The thing I've gotten the most looks about is the fact that I'm letting my BMs pick out their own shoes (silver of any kind) and jewelry/hair. I told them the dress, that's it but we went together and I chose the one that looked best on all of those present. For the jewelry they can literally do whatever they want. Some probably won't even wear any and I couldn't care less. I chose them because they're my friends, not props so I get pretty mad when someone tells me I should be dictating every little thing.

Megbo2012 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_non-obsessive-brides-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:2ff6b847-eb13-48f2-8961-c3dc28828b58Post:d2cc372b-3609-4bc6-b677-0490956d7783">Re: Non obsessive brides!!!! Rant</a>:
[QUOTE]The thing I've gotten the most looks about is the fact that I'm letting my BMs pick out their own shoes (silver of any kind) and jewelry/hair. I told them the dress, that's it but we went together and I chose the one that looked best on all of those present. For the jewelry they can literally do whatever they want. Some probably won't even wear any and I couldn't care less. I chose them because they're my friends, not props so I get pretty mad when someone tells me I should be dictating every little thing.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm paying for everyone to get their hair done, but everyone has different lengths so they will have different styles, but I just wanted to pay so they didn't have to worry. They can wear whatever black shoes they want (I assumed most women own a pair already, I hoped it would save them money). </div><div>
</div><div>I think I definitely threw them through a loop. My youngest BM has been a BM many times, and she was familiar with the "choose your own" and was so grateful. The others were happy (I think!) but when a few picked the same dress, they were like, is that ok that we have the same dress, did you want us all to have a different one? hahaha No guys, point missed, chose what YOU want. I think it went 3-2 or something of 6 styles I showed them and 30+ available styles. haha</div>

KrisKenny · January 2012

My bridesmaids help me pick my colors, I am so lax. I had no idea what colors I wanted, so we took a trip to David's Bridal to see what colors looked good on the girls. Then, in conjunction with them, we decided that they will all wear short dresses, but each got to pick their own style.

As for shoes, I just asked that they wear silver, except MOH who will be wearing a mercury dress so she will wear lapis (other color) shoes. Style - I could care less, except FI's daughter. I helped her pick out her shoes wilth just a little heel (she's only 11 but sometimes acts 17).

I will be paying for their hair to be done, but whatever style they would like.

As for jewelry - I had a lia sophia show (my BM/aunt is a consultant) and let the girls pick what they liked. I ordered their jewelry with my hostess credits and that will be one of their gifts to them. My BM who is the consultant will wear whatever she picks of her own jewelry (as she has a ton) and I will get her something else in place of that for part of her gift.

MMRoberts11 · January 2012

Same here.
I'm having my BMs pick their dressk, shoes and hairstyle. I just gave them colors and told them not a shiny material for the dress. It's their hair and I want them to look like themselves too.
I also don't really care what my FG wears as long as she's cute (which happens no matter what) and she's comfortable in it and likes it.

[Deleted User] · January 2012

I told my BM's they could wear whatever they want as long as their dresses are the same color. I found three dresses at target that were the same color and they each picked a different one.

I'm pretty sure that one is wearing flats with leggings under her dress (she never wears dresses) and one is wearing chucks instead of dress shoes. The other will wear heels. And one of my "bridesmaids" is a guy. He's wearing a suit. None of them will match and I'm ok with that. FI's got a girl on his side who's wearing a black dress. My mom thinks it's crazy, but I don't care that much about matching.

Like OP said, I want them all to be comfortable.

G2SoccerTaz · January 2012

I keep telling my bridesmaids to pick whatever they would want to wear. I gave them pictures of colors I was looking at. They kept telling me that they would do whatever I want. However, I want them to be comfortable and be able to wear the dress again. When it comes to shoes, as long as they have a pair on, I am happy. They know what I am wearing, and my SIL wants to wear cowboy boots also. They want to wear a brown belt. I was asked if they had to match. I could care less if the belts mach. Pick one up that you like and will wear. I am just happy for them to be standing up with me. Hair - could care less. One has short and one has long. Do whatever you would like with your hair.

I am glad that they finally decided on a dress. I was getting tired of hearing "It is your day, we will do whatever you want."

HarperBargo · January 2012

I had a florist think that I was odd because I didn't have down exactly what I wanted. I told her I wanted lilac and purple flowers. That was my only requirement. I also have gotten strange looks because I let my FI have a say in almost everything. Which I always respond with "it is his day too."

Zimsgirl · January 2012

I'm actually very detail oriented. My girls all have the same dress with silver shoes. They will all have the same jewelry and hairstyle. I'm very much a control freak lol

littleluckypenny · January 2012

I'm non-obsessive too. I just wanted a certain color and length for the dresses, the bridesmaids thought I was weird that I wasn't putting them in the same dress or that they didn't need my approval when they were buying their dress. What took the cake for them was when I said it didn't matter what kind of shoes, as long as they were silver (they could be strappies, flats, i don't care) and they could wear their hair however they want.

My FMIL and my dad's wife kept asking me what I want them to wear, I told them whatever they want. They asked about my wedding colors (blue) and asked if they needed to match. I don't care!!! Just look presentable is all I ask. I don't care if you want to match the bridal party color dress or not!

They think I'm crazy. I just want everyone to look great and FEEL great! And it's less stress for me and them!

sweet_melissa81 · January 2012

I couldn't really tell you because I am one of those crazy brides!

abt87 · January 2012

I picked a universal flattering dress, and will probably just request that the get the same shoes, but they can wear flip flops during the reception. I'm in between. I care about the dress and shoes (but all will probably be less than $35, since target usually has decent shoes and my MOH's mother sews beautiful dresses). After that, hair and jewelry is up to them! I feel like people are always asking me how the planning is comig along, and right now, I feel like we're kind of in a holding pattern, so I wonder if I'm doing something wrong when I"m not completely stressed 24/7 like so many other brides

SheilaDancer43 · January 2012

I'm the same. I let FI decide what he and his GM are wearing. Some brides on the Attire and Accesories board are like, "Omg! FI wants to wear _________, but it's not going to go with my wedding at all! How do I tell him he can't wear that?!" I'm always like, really? I picked out my dress, and my BM dress, let him choose what he and his guys are wearing. Also, I went with my BM's to shop for their dresses and we luckily chose ones that we all LOVE. But, I wanted them in a purple (most likely an eggplant, but maybe a lighter lilac) and they pretty much said no, so we stuck with the charcoal. It's not that big of a deal to me, especially because they are paying so much for them. The guys are wearing gray too, so it will still look good. I definitely don't care what shoes they wear as long as they are the same color. I'm letting MOB and MOG pick theirs, too. My mom said I don't know what you'll think about this one, but I like it. I really liked it and told her to go for it, but that I didn't have to approve of it. I just want her to feel comfortable and beautiful! I'm pretty laid back with stuff like that. I don't care about uniformity, or symmetry, or anything.

mkgins · January 2012

I hear you. I WANTED to be lax and low key. I WANTED my bridesmaids (my sister in her 40's and my future step daughter-21) to wear any plum/purple/lilac dress in any length from tea length to just above the knee, whatever fabric they wanted, as long as they felt beautiful and loved the dress. They are so different; I wanted them to look like themselves. But for my fiance's daughter, I think the "bridesmaids dress" was a right of passage for her -- she was so disappointed that I wasn't going to pick a dress for her, and my sister is so bogged down with life stuff right now, she just wanted me to pick something and make it easy on her. She just couldnt see having the time to look when the Spring dresses finally arrive in stores. And both of them were dying to wear long dresses. So now they've both picked LONG Bill Levkoff chiffon dresses in plum. Different styles, but the same look and color. Not really what I envisioned, but they are both psyched and love their dresses. Whatever. (As long as they actually order them.)

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