How do I keep from constantly bringing up engagements?

Re: How do I keep from constantly bringing up engagements?

• Stina51286 member

  

  November 2012

  How long have you been together? Maybe it isn't as far away as you think with regards to an engagement.

   

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• jemmini6 member

  

  November 2012

  For our purposes in giving advice, please answer some questions that'll help:  how old are you?  how old is your BF?  how long have you been together?

  
  

  Also, have you two actually sat down and talked about a general timeline for your future?  It doesn't have to be specific as in "we have to get engaged within the next 3 months, and married within the year", etc, but just a vague idea of how quickly you see your relationship progressing in order to know that you are both on relatively the same page (ie, making sure that your definition of 'soon' isn't 3 months while his definition is 3 years).

  
  

  Regardless of your timeline talk, keep it general and pressure free.  You don't want to make this sound like an ultimatum, or put pressure on him to do something he's not ready to do.  Also, don't hold too tightly to the answers you discuss.  If he defines 'soon' as about a year, don't translate that into a deadline.

  
  

  Most importantly, remember that even though discussions about your future are important, you should always try to value the present.  It's nice to know where you're going, but don't forget to enjoy what you have now.

  
  

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• poegirlsmores member

  

  November 2012

  I'm not very experienced, so you can take this for what it is. 

  I think you should just come out and talk to him. He obviously seems to want it eventually, so bringing it up shouldn't feel like pressuring him. Just ask him when he thinks this will all happen (keeping in mind you may want the proposal to be a surprise). And as for bringing it up without it being so soon, just tell him! Tell him that thinking about the future so much, when it's so far off, kind of takes away from the present (that's what all these lovely ladies have been telling me). Of course, only say so if this is how you really feel. 

  Just have an honest open conversation. He seems like a really nice guy, and like he really loves you, so it shouldn't be a scary thing.

  Good luck!

  "Love is hard and love is messy and it can hurt worse than fire, and sometimes it makes you wanna tear down a building with your bare hands, but it also happens to be the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm obviously not a big fan of hyperbole."
  
  
  

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• bethsmiles member

  

  November 2012

  Sounds like you need to have a discussion about where you see yourselves individually and as a couple in the next year, 5 years, 10 years, ect. It's important that you are both on the same page so you both have realistic expectations of each other. There is nothing wrong with asking what he is thinking about getting engaged and married time-wise.

  
  

  
  

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• alleycat821

  

  November 2012

  I agree with PP about having a realistic conversation with your SO.

  
  

  Also, try and focus on how wonderful and exciting it is that you have a boyfriend who wants to take those steps with you!  Enjoy your relationship for what it is.

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• Sorcha77

  

  November 2012

  I would just ask him if he has an idea of when he sees you moving in together and getting engaged, but very casual and without the tone of an ultimatum.
  
  When my BF talked about it a lot last year, as in location and colors and such, I asked him, "It sounds like you want to do this right now. Are you thinking soon or...?" I was washing dishes at the time and used my "just curious" tone. He said, "Oh, I don't want to be married in 2012, and even 2013 feels a bit early to me, so 2014 at the earliest. I don't want to rush."
  
  I haven't brought it up since because, given his timeline, I know there's no way he'll propose before 2013 or 2014. Since he shared his thoughts with me, it wouldn't make sense to ask again, and it honestly made it easier to know it wouldn't be for a little while. Once you know your BF's thoughts, maybe it'll be easier for you too. Good luck!

  

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• s-aries8990 member

  

  November 2012

  Get an idea for his timeline and tell him yours. Because of different family factors, mine has changed quite a bit and is kinda in limbo but, when he know's he's ready he'll talk more seriously about it instead of "wishes and dreams" type stuff
  

   

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• babyblues21 member

  

  November 2012

  I had a similar problem. I was very concerned that my FI's (then BF's) version of "soon" and mine were very different. Turns out they weren't : ) Hang in there and do your best to be patient...trust me, you don't want to have a blow up and end up ruining your own surprise. If you can't handle the wait, try having a VERY calm discussion with him of a possible timeline. Try and keep it free of emotion to keep him from feeling too pressured.

  

  May 2013 January Siggy

  

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