invites to reception dance only?

Miss_Sophia · March 2010

My fiance and I have realized that our guest list is a lot more then we had originally expected. Granted I know not everyone will come but at max we can only fist 225 comfortably in my church and I don't want the reception dinner to get too expensive.

Here's the question... I work in an office with about 50 people. I'm inviting the managers and the coworkers I work closely with in our area to the ceremony and the whole reception. Can I just post invitations at work inviting everyone else to just the reception part of the dance, just stating the time the dance actually starts? Or would this be considered rude?

Lasairiona · March 2010

If someone is invited to one portion of the wedding, they must be invited to everything on the wedding day. It's highly rude not to and people will be offended, even if they don't say anything directly to you. Those who say they don't mind have no grasp of proper manners. You decide how many people you can afford to feed, invite them to every event (ceremony and all of the reception including the dance) and send announcements to everyone who doesn't make the cut.

As far as coworkers are concerned, only invite those whom you regularly socialize with outside of working hours.

crakd · March 2010

nope, don't do it. sorry. you'll have to cut your guest list, or find a bigger venue and more money. and there's really no reason to invite all 50 people from your office.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

This is very rude.

People, especially co-workers, understand that not everyone will be invited. They won't understand why you are treating them like a second class citizen. Invite 225 and stop.

gottahavashorti · March 2010

Yes, it would be rude.

deepcovejackie · March 2010

Yep, rude. I went to a wedding like that, where I was invited to the whole thing. There were some folks invited only to the dance. When they arrived, people kept asking them why they were late, and why they missed dinner. They had to say that they weren't invited to the dinner part. Awkwaaaaaard.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

It's extremely rude and awkward for everyone invited. If you're not close enough to them to want to invite them to the whole thing, they're probably not close enough to you to expect an invitation at all.

You don't have to invite everyone to whom you've ever said "hello" to the wedding. Really, people will understand.

lalap69 · March 2010

Yes, it's rude. Please don't have a tiered wedding.

trix1223 · March 2010

Another voice for "This is extremely rude and you just can't do it."

memornar · March 2010

I am doing this with a few of my sorority sisters. They understand and don't mind, but we have so many family members that have to come and since they love to party, they don't mind just coming to the dance/open-bar part of the reception. Unless for some reason we have a lot of no's, then they will get an invite to the dinner. There are about 5 of them. My parents did the same at their wedding. They told all their friends just to come to the "party" since they couldn't afford everyone at the dinner.

You really don't have to invite all of your co-workers, especially if there are so many. Neither myself or my fiance are inviting any of ours.

Miss_Sophia · March 2010

thanks for the responses. I felt it would be rude as well but a coworker (one of whom i am inviting) said that people do it all the time and it's not a big deal. Glad I actually posted this and got responses pointing me in the correct direction, thanks.

Lasairiona · March 2010

People use that line "but everyone does it and no one minds" to try to justify rude behavior. Just because people do something that is popular doesn't make it proper and acceptable. Not to mention, even if everyone in the room is offended by something, most have the tact to not say anything to the couple because that is considered rude as well. So of course a couple who does something improper will never hear from their guests that folks were offended.

deepcovejackie · March 2010

OP--good for you for taking the advice in the way it was intended. Good luck with wedding planning!

SuMmErKuTiE · March 2010

Yes it's rude, and someone here at my job did it when he got married last fall and no one ended up going.

KRPadilla · March 2010

Any etiquette book you pick up will say absolutely not. Any professional you ask will say absolutely not. I come from a small town. Some of my classmates were family with damn near the whole town. The ceremony is usually open to a great deal of guests and really any one from town that would show up, but most of our local churches are pretty big. Then, you receive a dance invitation. I have been on the receiving end of multiple dance invitations and didn't think a thing about it. Once a group of us that didn't get the dinner invites went for appetizers together at a local restaurant during that time. Ultimately those close to you will understand that you are on a budget. And most people will be delighted to be a part of your day and not worry about if they were a part of every detail. It is about the wedding. The reception is just a perk. The day is about the wedding.

gottahavashorti · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_invites-reception-dance-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb9e55d4-3d82-4f7a-814c-15146667c4b0Post:ce40a278-7e48-421d-bce9-210f3da95b28">Re: invites to reception dance only?</a>:
[QUOTE]Any etiquette book you pick up will say absolutely not. Any professional you ask will say absolutely not. I come from a small town. Some of my classmates were family with damn near the whole town. The ceremony is usually open to a great deal of guests and really any one from town that would show up, but most of our local churches are pretty big. Then, you receive a dance invitation. I have been on the receiving end of multiple dance invitations and didn't think a thing about it. Once a group of us that didn't get the dinner invites went for appetizers together at a local restaurant during that time. Ultimately those close to you will understand that you are on a budget. And most people will be delighted to be a part of your day and not worry about if they were a part of every detail. It is about the wedding. The reception is just a perk. The day is about the wedding.
Posted by KRPadilla[/QUOTE]
But why not just have a cake and punch reception with everyone involved and dinner the night before or the next day with the close family? I'm assuming space isn't an issue if everyone can be invited to the dancing portion.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_invites-reception-dance-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:fb9e55d4-3d82-4f7a-814c-15146667c4b0Post:ee8187fd-a969-4aad-9da5-bde1e39d4256">Re: invites to reception dance only?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am doing this with a few of my sorority sisters. They understand and don't mind, but we have so many family members that have to come and since they love to party, they don't mind just coming to the dance/open-bar part of the reception. Unless for some reason we have a lot of no's, then they will get an invite to the dinner. There are about 5 of them. My parents did the same at their wedding. They told all their friends just to come to the "party" since they couldn't afford everyone at the dinner. You really don't have to invite all of your co-workers, especially if there are so many. Neither myself or my fiance are inviting any of ours.
Posted by memornar[/QUOTE]

<div>Wow. People will try to justify anything. This is horrible.</div>

Francesvm · March 2010

I had a friend do this at her wedding...sort of. They were 20 and 21 getting married so a few college friends came to the reception only after dinner. They weren't on the original list but just as conversation in passing they mentioned that they should come for the party. Under very rare circumstances, this might be ok. For co-workers...not so much. I think it woud be rude of them to expect that all 50 of them would be invited????? I would hate to have tem talking behind my back at work about how I invited some and not others to different parts. Not worth it to put yourself a funky position at work considering thats your living and you have to be with those people day in and day out ...

invites to reception dance only?

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