Honeymoon Registries

[Deleted User] · September 2012

hello everyone,

Since my fiance and I already live together I was wanting to know everyone's take on honeymoon registries. I see a lot of sites, but I don't kow which one's to trust. I also looked up some of the honeymoon registry sites on the BBB.org . I'm not sure who to trust or who to go with. We plan to go to Oahu, Hawaii. I wanted to know pros and cons of honeymoon registries and how they work. I've read some horror stories. I'm so scared! Don't know who to trust!

Thank you,
Sarah

Summer2011Bride · September 2012

We went to Oahu for our HM too. But we paid for it ourselves. HM registries are not looked upon kindly here.

The main reason is that they are deceitful to guests. I might go on and think I'm buying you a snorkeling excursion, but really I'm not. The website takes a cut (sometimes as much as 7%), then cuts the couple a check. If I wanted to give you money, I'd put a check in an envelope and you'd get 100% of it.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

That's what our original plan was to have just everyone give us money or a VISA giftcard.

MoonlightSilver · September 2012

You trust your guests, of course! Create a small registry for home items (even if you live together you must have items you wanted but never bought; items to upgrade like towels and sheets, etc). Then, when people ask you (and only when they ask!) you can mention that you're saving for the honeymoon trip. You can't tell your guests to give you cash, but you can create a situation where they understand what your preference is.

HobokensFury · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registries-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:e08de4b7-6e50-49cf-8181-e87784e578b2Post:c38db94b-b01d-44e2-ba50-491beb33d35d">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]We went to Oahu for our HM too. But we paid for it ourselves.<strong> HM registries are not looked upon kindly here. The main reason is that they are deceitful to guests. I might go on and think I'm buying you a snorkeling excursion, but really I'm not. The website takes a cut (sometimes as much as 7%), then cuts the couple a check. If I wanted to give you money, I'd put a check in an envelope and you'd get 100% of it.</strong>
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

Exactly this.

GoodLuckBear14 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registries-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:e08de4b7-6e50-49cf-8181-e87784e578b2Post:6f78cf17-3d40-4616-a108-23ca0d4a4cbf">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]That's what our original plan was to have just everyone give us money or a VISA giftcard. :)
Posted by sarahtx88[/QUOTE]

How exactly were you planning on accomplishing this?

[Deleted User] · September 2012

We thought it'd be a great idea for everyone to know where we were going and whatever money we receive we use it only for the honeymoon. For the people that we've talked to love the idea. We already live together, don't need anything or any upgrades whatsoever. We are also on limited income, so people are willing to give money or checks toward our honeymoon.we are also paying for everything that deals with the wedding. We are also paying for our hotel and flight. The best gift is when someone will give us whatever amount of money they wish and to use it as I said before for only the honeymoon.

AdeleDazeem · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registries-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:e08de4b7-6e50-49cf-8181-e87784e578b2Post:dde7aa3e-6b21-491c-954d-b9ea39390f1e">Re:Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]We thought it'd be a great idea for everyone to know where we were going and whatever money we receive we use it only for the honeymoon. For the people that we've talked to love the idea. We already live together, don't need anything or any upgrades whatsoever. We are also on limited income, so people are willing to give money or checks toward our honeymoon.we are also paying for everything that deals with the wedding. We are also paying for our hotel and flight. The best gift is when someone will give us whatever amount of money they wish and to use it as I said before for only the honeymoon.
Posted by sarahtx88[/QUOTE]

Yes... most people know that money is a wonderful wedding gift. The problem is when you start *telling* people flat out that you want money. That's no good. You never ask directly for cash. EVER.

The best things to do here is create a small registry (maybe 10-20 things). If people ask you where you are registered, you respond with where and add "Oh, we're also saving up for a honeymoon,"

That's ALL you say. It's much much easier for guests to put a check or cash in a card than to go through the decietful hoopla of a honeymoon registry.

For what it's worth - my husband and I did a small registry (20 things at BBB). We got some gifts, but mostly cash. We never opened out mouths about Visa giftcards or wanting money - people did it of their own accord. Yay for following etiquette.

Summer2011Bride · September 2012

Ditto Joy completely. It's no good to go up to a guest and say, "Hey, we'd love if you gave us money or a VISA gift card for our HM." Nope, not good at all. You shouldn't be asking for money.

Also, just a piece of advice: I think Visa gift cards will be a real PITA to use, especially on a vacation. Just going into retail stores they're a pain because unless you know what's left on them to the cent, you can't use them if the total amount exceeds what is on the card. It will decline it. It doesn't act like a store gift card. That seems like a major pain to pay for vacation things with those. So another reason to not tell people to get you those

allychase · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registries-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:e08de4b7-6e50-49cf-8181-e87784e578b2Post:dde7aa3e-6b21-491c-954d-b9ea39390f1e">Re:Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]We thought it'd be a great idea for everyone to know where we were going and whatever money we receive we use it only for the honeymoon. For the people that we've talked to love the idea. We already live together, don't need anything or any upgrades whatsoever. We are also on limited income, so people are willing to give money or checks toward our honeymoon.we are also paying for everything that deals with the wedding. We are also paying for our hotel and flight. The best gift is when someone will give us whatever amount of money they wish and to use it as I said before for only the honeymoon.
Posted by sarahtx88[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>How exactly are you telling the guests? Or are you just telling people you're close with and letting them spread the word?

</div>

alithebride · September 2012

the thing about HM registries (and using the money you wont get until the wedding) is that unless you wait to see how much people give you you still have to book the trip you can afford iwthout their help.

MoonlightSilver · September 2012

I'm starting to think I'm the only person in the whole world who lived with her partner before marriage, yet still needed a few household items come wedding time. How can you already have absolutely everything you want if you're on a limited budget?

KellyBrian2013 · September 2012

Have a small registry. We had 50-60 items on our registry, but most were small (under $10) and we received most of them at my shower. In turn, we received almost exclusively cash/checks at the wedding... and we never told a single person that money is what we "preferred".

KellyBrian2013 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registries-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:e08de4b7-6e50-49cf-8181-e87784e578b2Post:9a28e296-c1a4-4dbb-9b89-7ef9b93d9b58">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm starting to think I'm the only person in the whole world who lived with her partner before marriage, yet still needed a few household items come wedding time. How can you already have absolutely everything you want if you're on a limited budget?
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]

You're not. We owned our house for a year prior to our wedding, and had most of the "essentials"... but I specifically refused to buy myself a blender, hand mixer, etc. for that year so I could register for it for the wedding. We registered for mostly kitchen items: new place settings (set of 4 dinner plates, salad plates, bowls, and cups), new silverware, hand mixer, blender, serving spoons, etc but we also registered for a comforter/sheet set for our bed, picture frames for wedding photos, and just miscellaneous items that we discovered as we went through the store.

dazyabbey · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registries-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:e08de4b7-6e50-49cf-8181-e87784e578b2Post:9a28e296-c1a4-4dbb-9b89-7ef9b93d9b58">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm starting to think I'm the only person in the whole world who lived with her partner before marriage, yet still needed a few household items come wedding time. How can you already have absolutely everything you want if you're on a limited budget?
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]

My husband and I got married this summer (June) and we had bought a house together two and a half years ago but have lived together for almost 5 years. Every year my parents and his parents would always ask if there was anything for the house we needed. We always ended up getting household presents for Christmas and so we ended up getting most of our upgrades before we got married. When I registered I did register for some small things I wanted like new towels, a nice pan set and silverware but we ended up getting mostly money. But most of the things in our house we already had (Except a crock pot!)

I have only been to probably about 5 weddings and most of those in the past 3 years. I had always went to the store they registered at and bought the people things off of their list. I always assumed Cash was a bit rude and impersonal because people tend to say that about Birthdays and Christmas. I did notice that a lot of the younger people invited (my friends, etc) they almost all gave us actual gifts instead of money. The 30 yo+ people gave us cash. I don't think anyone that was over the age of 30 actually gave us a physical gift. I find that a bit odd.

Anyway just pointing out what i noticed with our wedding.

ameliah19 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registries-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:e08de4b7-6e50-49cf-8181-e87784e578b2Post:9a28e296-c1a4-4dbb-9b89-7ef9b93d9b58">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm starting to think I'm the only person in the whole world who lived with her partner before marriage, yet still needed a few household items come wedding time. How can you already have absolutely everything you want if you're on a limited budget?
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]

<div>Your not. FI and I have been living together for over 2 years and we still have hefty registry list of stuff we just never bought ourselves and really wanted.</div>

alithebride · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registries-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:e08de4b7-6e50-49cf-8181-e87784e578b2Post:9a28e296-c1a4-4dbb-9b89-7ef9b93d9b58">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm starting to think I'm the only person in the whole world who lived with her partner before marriage, yet still needed a few household items come wedding time. How can you already have absolutely everything you want if you're on a limited budget?
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]

you're not. i had my own place for 5 years and dh and i bought ur place 1 year before our wedding. i think it's just an excuse to ask for $ for a HM. jmho

WonderfulSavior · September 2012

II am in the EXACT same boat, girl...my Fiance and I are paying for everything!!!! We really need the money and I told my girls for my shower, we want to make it a "MoneyMoon Shower"...all money will go towards our Honeymoon to Florida!! I dont think there is anything wrong with that and neither did they..

n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registries-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:e08de4b7-6e50-49cf-8181-e87784e578b2Post:dde7aa3e-6b21-491c-954d-b9ea39390f1e">Re:Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]We thought it'd be a great idea for everyone to know where we were going and whatever money we receive we use it only for the honeymoon. For the people that we've talked to love the idea. We already live together, don't need anything or any upgrades whatsoever. We are also on limited income, so people are willing to give money or checks toward our honeymoon.we are also paying for everything that deals with the wedding. We are also paying for our hotel and flight. The best gift is when someone will give us whatever amount of money they wish and to use it as I said before for only the honeymoon.
Posted by sarahtx88[/QUOTE]

MoonlightSilver · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registries-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:e08de4b7-6e50-49cf-8181-e87784e578b2Post:6fcc51fe-675f-41c7-9bbf-18de34b7cd02">Re:Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]II am in the EXACT same boat, girl...my Fiance and I are paying for everything!!!! We really need the money and I told my girls for my shower, we want to make it a "MoneyMoon Shower"...all money will go towards our Honeymoon to Florida!! I dont think there is anything wrong with that and neither did they.. n Response to Re:Honeymoon Registries :
Posted by WonderfulSavior[/QUOTE]

<div>The whole point of a shower is to shower the bride/couple with gifts. If you don't want gifts, you shouldn't have a shower. Having a party for people to give you money for your vacation is just rude. </div>

Krikin22 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registries-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:e08de4b7-6e50-49cf-8181-e87784e578b2Post:93821cb1-e86a-4f53-95d7-2c2018e90fa0">Re:Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Honeymoon Registries : The whole point of a shower is to shower the bride/couple with gifts. If you don't want gifts, you shouldn't have a shower. Having a party for people to give you money for your vacation is just rude.
Posted by MoonlightSilver[/QUOTE]

Unrelated but, omg I love the beluga whale picture!! So cool!!

AdeleDazeem · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registries-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:e08de4b7-6e50-49cf-8181-e87784e578b2Post:6fcc51fe-675f-41c7-9bbf-18de34b7cd02">Re:Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]II am in the EXACT same boat, girl...my Fiance and I are paying for everything!!!! We really need the money and I told my girls for my shower, we want to make it a "MoneyMoon Shower"...all money will go towards our Honeymoon to Florida!! I dont think there is anything wrong with that and neither did they.. n Response to Re:Honeymoon Registries :
Posted by WonderfulSavior[/QUOTE]

Oh my god.

OH MY GOD.

luciintheskii · September 2012

First of all, she already said they have everything they need. So, people keep telling her to just do a small registry of about 20 gifts (for example). What part of they have what they need is not being understood? My FI and I do have everything we really need and they are all in working order. Getting new stuff to replace perfectly good stuff seems materialistic. Should they register for stuff they won't ever use? Or stuff they plan to return for cash? I find this to be ruder than letting people know that you prefer cash for a honeymoon. I would rather get someone something they want like straight cash. If I found out that the $100 I spent on a gift is sitting in a closet or the lovely dishes I picked out were returned, I'd be much more offended then reading a little note telling me that they prefer cash for a honeymoon. Why is registering for a $150 blender or sheets acceptable but requesting a donation towards a vacation is not? Either way, it is requesting somthing specific. If we really want to get into manners, a gift is a gift and is something that should be picked out by the person giving it. Once you start requesting certain items, be it cash or a toaster, you can be seen as being rude in my opinion. And if their family and friends don't have a problem with it then why should you? Are you going to their wedding? No. She didn't ask for etiquette advice, she asked for advice on the pros and cons of the sites. And for the record, I do agree that HM Registries are not the way to go because they do take a portion of the money; so that's a con (to answer her question). But I don't see a problem with a cute little poem or note in the bridal shower invite or by word of mouth letting people know that the couples dream gift is one of travel and memories.

hoffse · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registries-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:e08de4b7-6e50-49cf-8181-e87784e578b2Post:db98f364-feda-4041-afa7-9ef951ade8e8">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE] First of all, she already said they have everything they need. So, people keep telling her to just do a small registry of about 20 gifts (for example). What part of they have what they need is not being understood? My FI and I do have everything we really need and they are all in working order. Getting new stuff to replace perfectly good stuff seems materialistic. Should they register for stuff they won't ever use? Or stuff they plan to return for cash? I find this to be ruder than letting people know that you prefer cash for a honeymoon. I would rather get someone something they want like straight cash. If I found out that the $100 I spent on a gift is sitting in a closet or the lovely dishes I picked out were returned, I'd be much more offended then reading a little note telling me that they prefer cash for a honeymoon. Why is registering for a $150 blender or sheets acceptable but requesting a donation towards a vacation is not? Either way, it is requesting somthing specific. If we really want to get into manners, a gift is a gift and is something that should be picked out by the person giving it. Once you start requesting certain items, be it cash or a toaster, you can be seen as being rude in my opinion. And if their family and friends don't have a problem with it then why should you? Are you going to their wedding? No. She didn't ask for etiquette advice, she asked for advice on the pros and cons of the sites. And for the record, I do agree that HM Registries are not the way to go because they do take a portion of the money; so that's a con (to answer her question). But I don't see a problem with a cute little poem or note in the bridal shower invite or by word of mouth letting people know that the couples dream gift is one of travel and memories.
Posted by luciintheskii[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Right and see - you might not have issues giving cash, but plenty of people do. I will never, ever give cash for one very simple reason: I don't want the bride/groom to know what I spent on them. I bargain hunt like nobody's business, and I save a LOT of money getting the precise items on people's registries at a discount by waiting for sales, using coupons, buying at other stores, using promo gift cards I get through work, etc. Like FI and I are going to a wedding in Nov, and we are getting the couple a gift that lists for $150 on their registry. I spent around $63, and my budget was $75. I did well all around. There's no such thing as a discount on cash. Cash is cash. And that's why I won't give it.</div><div>
</div><div>OP certainly doesn't need to do a registry if she doesn't want. The reason people suggest she still do one is to give people like me guidance. I will never "punish" a bride and groom for not having a registry by getting them something that's ugly - but without a registry I only have my own tastes to go on, not theirs. I will get them something I think is very very nice, but it may not be consistent with their preferences, needs, or style. A registry eliminates that. People who want to give cash will give cash, registry or not. People who don't want to give cash won't give cash even without a registry, and this way the OP doesn't risk getting things she hates.

</div>

shannie11 · September 2012

If none of you like Honeymoon registries, I would hate to see how you feel about Jack and Jills. I think Jack and Jills are just plain rude. However, I find nothing wrong with honeymoon registries as well as gift registries as long as you register for both. People like options. if they do not like one then feel free to get from the other.

[Deleted User] · September 2012

Thank you luciintheskii

[Deleted User] · September 2012

thank you wonderfulsavior. i ended up just posting links of the activities that we will be doing on our website on here. we just might not do the honeymoon registry after all.

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