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Not Engaged Yet
wedding-ed out!
Hi all! Long time lurker, first time poster, so please take it easy on me.. 
Long story short... I'm going through that time where the majority of my friends are getting married and settling down. It's really great, and I'm so happy for them. I have been involved in so many weddings (3 in June alone!) over the past few months, and there are still many more to come.
I used to enjoy the fake-planning my wedding. You know, stalking the SMP blog, etc. with my girlfriends and mom.
Typical NEY behavior!
Here's the kicker: I'm wedding-ed out. I'm tired of helping plan weddings, dealing with crazy brides and bridesmaids and family members. I'm a little burned out!
And wouldn't you know, around the time that I DON'T want to plan my wedding, my boyfriend starts the pre-proposal talk.
Eloping never looked so good.
Please tell me this is NORMAL!
Long story short... I'm going through that time where the majority of my friends are getting married and settling down. It's really great, and I'm so happy for them. I have been involved in so many weddings (3 in June alone!) over the past few months, and there are still many more to come.
I used to enjoy the fake-planning my wedding. You know, stalking the SMP blog, etc. with my girlfriends and mom.
Typical NEY behavior! Here's the kicker: I'm wedding-ed out. I'm tired of helping plan weddings, dealing with crazy brides and bridesmaids and family members. I'm a little burned out!
And wouldn't you know, around the time that I DON'T want to plan my wedding, my boyfriend starts the pre-proposal talk.
Eloping never looked so good.
Please tell me this is NORMAL!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: wedding-ed out!
Just because your BF has started talking about getting married doesn't mean that you need to go deeper into wedding planning. A wedding is just one day, the marriage is what is most important. Talk with your BF about your marriage.
I think that is perfectly normal LindsayRae. Just remember everything is more fun when its your own..so when the time comes, it will be right. Until then, take a break from it all!
Have a great weekend!
Until he asks you I wouldn't worry about it... his proposal is not supposed to be about the wedding itself, it's all about the marriage that follows
*No pony, no I do!*
and yes, it IS normal to fake-plan your wedding. i've lurked long enough to know that there are some really unkind commenters. it IS normal to think about colors, and food, and who you would pick to be your flower girl. that is common behavior. it can easily get out of control, but so can anything else.
and when i say he is starting the pre-proposal talk, i mean he is talking to my parents about getting the family ring, and talking about how we are going to combine our finances, where we are going to live, what kind of budget and savings we need to be working on in order to be able to afford a downpayment AND a small, casual wedding on our two bachelor's degree, mine in computer sciences and engineering and his in music education.
and we do talk about the marriage more than the wedding. why do you automatically assume that it's "all about the wedding"? the wedding is only mentioned because it's how you GET to the marriage. our discussions mainly revolve around post-wedding life... bills, house, jobs, family values, what we expect out of marriage and future parenting, budgets, saving, combining incomes, how we're going to divide up family/housekeeping responsibilities...
so please, can we keep this light and fun? i only posted because i think it is ironic. i have been waiting and waiting for this day, taking part in many other people's weddings and marriages and even watching them start to raise families... but when my time finally comes, i am not "in the mood" to plan. i do not want to be a snarky, controlling, freaked out bride... which is what i have seen with a couple of my close girlfriends as they planned their weddings. sometimes i wish i could just fast forward to life-post-wedding!
thank you for being polite in your response, and not jumping all over me... your point is well taken, and i appreciate you putting it back into perspective for me. sometimes life and circumstances become overwhelming. i hope it will be more fun when it's actually mine... and that all those other girls i helped out will come to my rescue too!
happy friday!
Also, I will retain my opinion that its not normal to plan a fake wedding. Yes day dreaming, thinking to yourself oh that would be nice is normal. But actually planning to the point you are burned out before you are even engaged is not normal.
[QUOTE]Excuse me but I gave you good advice. If you are over wedding planning then just stop because you aren't engaged. Just because your BF is talking about proposing doesn't mean you need to talk about the wedding you can just talk with him about marriage. But if you go back and read your post you were complaining about all the wedding talk...what else am I supposed to assume except that alot of wedding talk is going on. I merely gave you an alternative topic of discussion...marriage. Also, I will retain my opinion that its not normal to plan a fake wedding. Yes day dreaming, thinking to yourself oh that would be nice is normal. But actually planning to the point you are burned out before you are even engaged is not normal.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]
i am not planning my wedding. i'm looking at SMP and other blogs, admiring other people's weddings and gleaning ideas for when my time DOES come, i won't be scrambling trying to get everything together. the only thing i "complained" about was that it's ironic that he wants to start putting things in motion at a time when i would like a break from wedding planning.
this was NOT a serious, drama-seeking post. you are injecting it with all sorts of drama. please, don't. i feel like i'm dealing with a crazy bride.
again, i was NOT planning MY wedding to the point of being burned out... i was helping plan and participating in OTHER PEOPLE'S weddings to the point where i was a little tired of it all.
please re-read my original post. this was intended to be a fun post. can we please be adult enough to stop the drama? :) hopefully i cleared up any confusion about the original post.
[QUOTE]she didnt mean she was burned out on her wedding planning, i think she meant on helping out her friends and everyone else who is going through it.
Posted by dawnkathleen[/QUOTE]
yes!!! i thought for a minute there i was going crazy. i spent 20 minutes trying to phrase the original post so i DIDN'T get hijacked. go figure...
[QUOTE]Hi all! Long time lurker, first time poster, so please take it easy on me.. ;) Long story short... I'm going through that time where the majority of my friends are getting married and settling down. It's really great, and I'm so happy for them. I have been involved in so many weddings (3 in June alone!) over the past few months, and there are still many more to come. <strong>I used to enjoy the fake-planning my wedding. </strong> You know, stalking the SMP blog, etc. with my girlfriends and mom. :) Typical NEY behavior! Here's the kicker: I'm wedding-ed out. I'm tired of helping plan weddings, dealing with crazy brides and bridesmaids and family members. I'm a little burned out! And wouldn't you know, around the time that I DON'T want to plan my wedding, my boyfriend starts the pre-proposal talk. Eloping never looked so good. Please tell me this is NORMAL! :)
Posted by lindsayrae1986[/QUOTE]
That's where I got that from. I get your friends weddings may be overwhelming, in that case just tell your friends you need a break from all of the planning. You are not required to do anything but show up in a dress the day of. Also, just because proposal talk just began with your BF doesn't mean he is going to propose in the immediate future, so its possible planning for your wedding is a ways off. Some girls started talking about marriage with thier boyfriends for years before he finally proposed. All I'm trying to say is if you are wedding-ed out then just step back, and yes you can do that and still be a good BM or MOH.
[QUOTE]In Response to wedding-ed out! : That's where I got that from. I get your friends weddings may be overwhelming, in that case just tell your friends you need a break from all of the planning. You are not required to do anything but show up in a dress the day of. Also, just because proposal talk just began with your BF doesn't mean he is going to propose in the immediate future, so its possible planning for your wedding is a ways off. Some girls started talking about marriage with thier boyfriends for years before he finally proposed. All I'm trying to say is if you are wedding-ed out then just step back, and yes you can do that and still be a good BM or MOH.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]
oooooooookay. can we agree to disagree, like adults? i mean, adult communication is often recommended on the forums here... :) this arguing back and forth about what i meant vs. what you read into my post reminds me of my man's junior high band students or my piano students... and it's mentally exhausting.
moving along...
he has picked a date, before the school year starts in 2011 and he has to go back to work, but he is waiting to give me the ring he got from my parents (a family ring that was passed down from my late great-uncle) until a "special day"... which is all fine with me because i don't really want to go through all the questions from other people. i know they mean well, but i would like to enjoy being "engaged" for a short period of time before succumbing to the actual wedding planning madness... not mention the where-are-we-going-to-live madness! i honestly enjoy dating my man, and as exciting as it will be to be "officially engaged" (aka, announcing it to the world) i would like to enjoy every day i have left of "just dating"... sans wedding/marriage/kids-yet? pressures. :)
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding-ed out! : i am not planning my wedding. i'm looking at SMP and other blogs, admiring other people's weddings and gleaning ideas for when my time DOES come, i won't be scrambling trying to get everything together. the only thing i "complained" about was that it's ironic that he wants to start putting things in motion at a time when i would like a break from wedding planning.<strong> this was NOT a serious, drama-seeking post</strong>. you are injecting it with all sorts of drama. please, don't. <strong>i feel like i'm dealing with a crazy bride.</strong> again, i was NOT planning MY wedding to the point of being burned out... i was helping plan and participating in OTHER PEOPLE'S weddings to the point where i was a little tired of it all. please re-read my original post. this was intended to be a fun post. can we please be adult enough to stop the drama? :) hopefully i cleared up any confusion about the original post.
Posted by lindsayrae1986[/QUOTE]
If you're not into drama, don't call an e-stranger a crazy person.
Welcome to public forums, where you don't get to dictate how people respond.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wedding-ed-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:a9211e7e-6fc9-414c-92ce-85dff01d9fc8Post:34336683-2f0a-4ab4-a9dd-18f44b06dcdb">Re: wedding-ed out!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding-ed out! : oooooooookay. can we agree to disagree,<strong> like adults? i mean, adult communication is often recommended on the forums here... :) this arguing back and forth about what i meant vs. what you read into my post reminds me of my man's junior high band students or my piano students.</strong>.. and it's mentally exhausting. moving along... he has picked a date, before the school year starts in 2011 and he has to go back to work, but he is waiting to give me the ring he got from my parents (a family ring that was passed down from my late great-uncle) until a "special day"... which is all fine with me because i don't really want to go through all the questions from other people. i know they mean well, but i would like to enjoy being "engaged" for a short period of time before succumbing to the actual wedding planning madness... not mention the where-are-we-going-to-live madness! i honestly enjoy dating my man, and as exciting as it will be to be "officially engaged" (aka, announcing it to the world) i would like to enjoy every day i have left of "just dating"... sans wedding/marriage/kids-yet? pressures. :)
Posted by lindsayrae1986[/QUOTE]
Oh, and being condescending like that? RUDE. Your OP could easily have been interpreted as Beth did. Slow your roll.
[QUOTE]In Response to wedding-ed out! : That's where I got that from. I get your friends weddings may be overwhelming, in that case just tell your friends you need a break from all of the planning. You are not required to do anything but show up in a dress the day of. Also, just because proposal talk just began with your BF doesn't mean he is going to propose in the immediate future, so its possible planning for your wedding is a ways off. Some girls started talking about marriage with thier boyfriends for years before he finally proposed. All I'm trying to say is if you are wedding-ed out then just step back, and yes you can do that and still be a good BM or MOH.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]
And ditto this in answer to your orginal issue. It's okay to say no sometimes!
Plus, it really is different when it's your own wedding, but it's more pressure and more stresfull b/c it's YOURS. So really, now IS the time to take a step back.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding-ed out! : If you're not into drama, don't call an e-stranger a crazy person. Welcome to public forums, where you don't get to dictate how people respond. In Response to Re: wedding-ed out! : Oh, and being condescending like that? RUDE. Your OP could easily have been interpreted as Beth did. Slow your roll.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
you're right, i was a little more condescending and blunt than it sounded in my head. and i can see how my post could have been taken that way (even though i deliberately tried to make it NOT sound like that!)... but now we've hopefully worked through the miscommunication in the original post.
I think I get it. You have weddings all around you. Everyone is getting married, and you think it's great. You've thought a little about what you might like for your own wedding SOMEDAY (but don't have your heart set on anything in particular), and now you're thinking "Woah. I've watched all my friends go through wedding planning ups and downs, and I feel it with them. I'm not sure I want to do that myself right now!"
Right?
Here's my advice: stop thinking about even the simplest things for your own wedding. I know, it really IS normal to think about it here and there... but you're getting burned out and you don't want that. I swear, you'll be so burned out anyway by your wedding day. So limit your wedding-related thoughts and discussions with friends when you can.
Also, remember that each wedding is different. You CAN have a low-key, low-stress wedding. The trick is focusing on what MATTERS. Don't worry about it now. But just know you CAN avoid getting wrapped up in vendors, matchy-matchy colors, and family drama. You've just got to know when to put your foot down and when to let things go. At the end of the day, as long as you're happily married, it's a success, right?
Finally- eloping is ALWAYS an option. So is having a destination wedding. DO NOT, under any circumstances, have a wedding you DON'T want. The planning process will be miserable. You don't have to decide what kind of wedding you want until you get engaged and talk guest list and budget. It will fall into place. So just rest assured you've got nothing to worry about there.
Enjoy your friends' weddings. Take a wedding time-out when you need to. In fact, take the bride out for a no-wedding-talk girls' night now and then. Having been a bride, I can tell you, sometimes that's EXACTLY what she needs.
[QUOTE]Uhh, woah, how did that even get weird? I think I get it. You have weddings all around you. Everyone is getting married, and you think it's great. You've thought a little about what you might like for your own wedding SOMEDAY (but don't have your heart set on anything in particular), and now you're thinking "Woah. I've watched all my friends go through wedding planning ups and downs, and I feel it with them. I'm not sure I want to do that myself right now!" Right? Here's my advice: stop thinking about even the simplest things for your own wedding. I know, it really IS normal to think about it here and there... but you're getting burned out and you don't want that. I swear, you'll be so burned out anyway by your wedding day. So limit your wedding-related thoughts and discussions with friends when you can. Also, remember that each wedding is different. You CAN have a low-key, low-stress wedding. The trick is focusing on what MATTERS. Don't worry about it now. But just know you CAN avoid getting wrapped up in vendors, matchy-matchy colors, and family drama. You've just got to know when to put your foot down and when to let things go. At the end of the day, as long as you're happily married, it's a success, right? Finally- eloping is ALWAYS an option. So is having a destination wedding. DO NOT, under any circumstances, have a wedding you DON'T want. The planning process will be miserable. You don't have to decide what kind of wedding you want until you get engaged and talk guest list and budget. It will fall into place. So just rest assured you've got nothing to worry about there. Enjoy your friends' weddings. Take a wedding time-out when you need to. In fact, take the bride out for a no-wedding-talk girls' night now and then. Having been a bride, I can tell you, sometimes that's EXACTLY what she needs.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
thank you. i'll think on that a little bit. i'll try the no-wedding-talk-allowed girls night sometime soon... although i haven't been able to get with her at ALL lately because she's so into the wedding planning... any advice on that? i miss our walks and gelato runs and movie nights, but since she's been engaged we haven't got together once! should i just let it run its course and wait until post-wedding calm-down?
thanks! :)
It'll be different when you're planning you own wedding as opposed to helping your friends with theirs.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding-ed out! : you're right, i was a little more condescending and blunt than it sounded in my head. and i can see how my post could have been taken that way (even though i deliberately tried to make it NOT sound like that!)... but now we've hopefully worked through the miscommunication in the original post.
Posted by lindsayrae1986[/QUOTE]
Kudos on this response. It's awesome that you can see where your posts might have not come across as you intended and you aren't afraid to admit it. Welcome to the board! And listen to Jeana, for she is wise. :)
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding-ed out! : And ditto this in answer to your orginal issue. It's okay to say no sometimes! Plus, it really is different when it's your own wedding, but it's more pressure and more stresfull b/c it's YOURS. So really, now IS the time to take a step back.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
i probably should, you're right. it's actually saying "no" that's the hard part, especially to some of my closest childhood friends. it's an exciting time in our lives and i want to be a part of it!
[QUOTE]Uhh, woah, how did that even get weird? I think I get it. You have weddings all around you. Everyone is getting married, and you think it's great. You've thought a little about what you might like for your own wedding SOMEDAY (but don't have your heart set on anything in particular), and now you're thinking "Woah. I've watched all my friends go through wedding planning ups and downs, and I feel it with them. I'm not sure I want to do that myself right now!" Right? Here's my advice: stop thinking about even the simplest things for your own wedding. I know, it really IS normal to think about it here and there... but you're getting burned out and you don't want that. I swear, you'll be so burned out anyway by your wedding day. So limit your wedding-related thoughts and discussions with friends when you can. Also, remember that each wedding is different. You CAN have a low-key, low-stress wedding. The trick is focusing on what MATTERS. Don't worry about it now. But just know you CAN avoid getting wrapped up in vendors, matchy-matchy colors, and family drama. You've just got to know when to put your foot down and when to let things go. At the end of the day, as long as you're happily married, it's a success, right? Finally- eloping is ALWAYS an option. So is having a destination wedding. DO NOT, under any circumstances, have a wedding you DON'T want. The planning process will be miserable. You don't have to decide what kind of wedding you want until you get engaged and talk guest list and budget. It will fall into place. So just rest assured you've got nothing to worry about there. Enjoy your friends' weddings. Take a wedding time-out when you need to. In fact, take the bride out for a no-wedding-talk girls' night now and then. Having been a bride, I can tell you, sometimes that's EXACTLY what she needs.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]
and your first paragraph is EXACTLY what i was trying to portray in my original post. i've seen the good parts and the nasty parts of the whole process, and it's not all it's cracked up to be. :) thank you again for clearing it up. really, thanks. this was going downhill fast (partly my own fault, yes, i admit!)
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding-ed out! : thank you. i'll think on that a little bit. i'll try the no-wedding-talk-allowed girls night sometime soon... although i haven't been able to get with her at ALL lately because she's so into the wedding planning... any advice on that? i miss our walks and gelato runs and movie nights, but since she's been engaged we haven't got together once! should i just let it run its course and wait until post-wedding calm-down? thanks! :)
Posted by lindsayrae1986[/QUOTE]
I'd give her a call and say 'hey we haven't had gelato run/movie night in awhile - want to go?' See what she says - maybe she's been so busy with the wedding planning that she just forgot. Going out and doing something not related to a wedding may be what she needs and just doesn't know it
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding-ed out! : Kudos on this response. It's awesome that you can see where your posts might have not come across as you intended and you aren't afraid to admit it. Welcome to the board! And listen to Jeana, for she is wise. :)
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
so do you think jeana would be up to planning my wedding FOR me when the time comes?? ;) haha!
thanks for the welcome, even though it was a bumpy start. look forward to more posting with you girls.
i'm out for dinner with my man! enjoy the forums! :)
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding-ed out! : I'd give her a call and say 'hey we haven't had gelato run/movie night in awhile - want to go?' See what she says - maybe she's been so busy with the wedding planning that she just forgot. Going out and doing something not related to a wedding may be what she needs and just doesn't know it
Posted by sapphirebaby926[/QUOTE]
i've tried that and she has said no every time. it's pretty frustrating! i think i might have to "kidnap" her for dinner sometime. ;)
ETA: ooops, sorry didn't see your post above. I say KIDNAP HER!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wedding-ed out! : i've tried that and she has said no every time. it's pretty frustrating! i think i might have to "kidnap" her for dinner sometime. ;)
Posted by lindsayrae1986[/QUOTE]
That is frustrating - I'd let her know that I was available for whenever she needed to go out but it sounds like you may have to wait until post-wedding for things to get back to normal
Second- I was guilty of neglecting my friends and pouring way too much time and energy into planning my wedding. Way more than it needed.
Tell her you'd love to give her a break from planning and have an old-fashioned evening together. Tell her you miss her. Remind her that you're very happy for her, and you'd be glad to help if she needs it... but you also want to make sure SHE doesn't get burnt out and stressed.
You could ask her what SHE would like to do... no wedding talk allowed, of course. You sound like a really considerate friend. I'm sure you can figure something out!