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Bachelorette Question

LittleMissCutiePieLittleMissCutiePie
500 Comments
in Moms and Maids
Hey gals. My MOH has already told me she would be throwing me a bachelorette party. I am very grateful, and am very aware that this is a privilege, not a right. When she and one of my other BMs told me the plans were underway, I asked them if there would be bar-hopping involved. They told me that it was a surprise, and now I'm a bit nervous. I don't really drink, not that I have any moral problems with it, but due to health issues I usually just go without. Also, my FSIL, who is also a BM, is very uncomfortable in bar settings and doesn't hardly ever drink.

How can I tactfully ask that we do something that isn't bar hopping and male strippers? I know this party is a gift and I am very appreciative, but I'd much rather go to the spa or have a barbeque than get drunk and stuff money in a guy's thong...
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Re: Bachelorette Question

  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would just say what you said here. "I realize a bachelorette party is a gift, not a right. I am very appreciative that you are putting something together for me but I am a little apprehensive that it may involve bar hopping/strippers. Myself as well as FSIL are not comfortable with that environment and I really want eveyone invited to have a good time." Make it clear that you do not want any details and are leaving it entirely up to her but just wanted her to know how you feel about bar hopping/strippers.
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  • RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    You have the right idea, but it's perfectly OK to make her aware of relevent medical issues and ethical boundaries.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I think it's perfectly okay to casually mention that you aren't really into the bar scene.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    ditto redhead - you can certainly express your preference to your friends; they don't have to heed that request, but hopefully their goal is to make YOU have a good time, so they would.

    Good luck!

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2011
    If there is something that you aren't comfortable doing then you have every right to tell them.  Granted the bride should not have a say in the planning of such parties but if you are highly opposed or would like to refrain from something that may make you or others feel uncomfortable I would voice those now before your party gets too close.  Your BM's should take your feelings and wants into account.

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  • graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pps. You have a right to give them an idea of things that would make you and other guests feel uncomfortable. One of my BMs really wanted a stripper, but I told her very clearly that I didn't want that and they respected my wishes.
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  • rebarobert2012rebarobert2012
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You can certainly mention to her that you aren't into the bar scene or male strippers.  You are right that the bachelorette party is a gift, but at the same time, you shouldn't have to be places or do things you are not comfortable with. 

    If I were planning a bachelorette party for a friend and she mentioned to me that she was uncomfortable with certain things, I would definitely make sure not to include them.
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  • mrssmiffmrssmiff
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I just had this type conversation with my MOH, who is my sister. She knows me better well and knows that I do not like strippers at all. But I had a casual convo with her just to express it again. She told me to mind my business  and that she had everything under control. I can only trust that she does.
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  • futuremrsgatesfuturemrsgates
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm on the opposite side! I agree with all the girls above - it's your party and you should have fun! It's completely within your rights to request no bars or strippers. I myself am trying to figure out how to make SURE my party has strippers and booze - I'm the last of my friends to get married and am so worried they'll have a case of the couples coma and I won't have abs in my face :(
    "So what? So it's not going to be easy. It's gonna be hard.
    Really hard. But I wanna do that because I want you
    - all of you, you and me, every day. Forever."

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  • Lcam510Lcam510
    10 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    If you don't really drink, would your MOH really throw a bachelorette party revolved around drinking? Im sure she knows you well enough to throw a party that you will enjoy.
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  • a8r9oa8r9o member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My girls have barely started planning, but I just flat out told them that I know they are planning it and they want to, but I DID NOT want strippers or bar hopping. My MOH (my sister) is not 21, and I want her to be able to do whatever it is they plan.

    I think what you said is perfect. You should have some input as to what you DO NOT want. It is not fair for them to plan a party for you that you are not going to enjoy.
    Met: 8-24-07 Dating: 9-23-07 Engaged: 12-29-10 Getting Married: 6-23-12 Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • Grits8812Grits8812 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Just be honest with her.  Tell her things that you for sure don't want.  Even though she is throwing the party for you, and gets to plan it, doesn't mean she can do something that will make you uncomfortable, or something you don't want to do.  It is a party for you, and she needs to plan it with things that she knows you would enjoy.
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