together 7 years, have wedding date..no ring yet

jaberjamie · July 2010

I am new to these boards.. But have been on the knot for years. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. We are both in graduate school, I am getting a Phd in Clinical Psychology and he is in Chiropractor school (he graduates in April). We have talked a ton about getting married and actually set a date April 30, 2011. Two years ago we had my ring custom designed.. The problem is I am started to get reallly worried.. No ring yet, and I am rather traditional and dont really feel like I can do much till I have a ring on my finger. I read these boards and I read about all these people who already have everything booked and planned for their april weddings and I flipp out. What if we dont have enough time? Will the venues be book? Okay I am a big planner so this is killing me. I pretty sure he has my ring.. but its not on my finger yet.. grr! Any advice, will I have enough time. I have never planned a wedding before but always thought I would be engaged at least a year.. What is your thoughts on lenght of engagement? help

tafft1 · July 2010

Edit - Okay maybe I am going crazy - but when I clicked on the name it had 2 posts..so..taking it down because I am probably wrong..anyway communication would be good.

Ana_2985 · July 2010

Most likely you will have plenty of time. Yes, there are a few people on this board (including myself) you have found in necessary to plan book things over a year ahead of time for personal reasons. However, most of the women on this board have planned everything in UNDER a year. As far as I know, no one has had to settle for second-rate venues and no one has had any trouble getting what they want.

I guess depending on the area, 9 months could either be cutting a little close or be plenty of time. Either way, you should really just talk to you BF. You don't need to pressure or panic him, just ask him if he's still planning on getting married next April. See what he says and go from there.

Ana_2985 · July 2010

Damn it! Why do I type so slow?

Wait...Taft, that is not the same person

Ana_2985 · July 2010

She didn't book anything.

OP- You need to be able to talk to your BF. It sounds like you think you're getting married on April 30th, but he might not have that plan as seriously as you did. Just talk to him.

leia1979 · July 2010

Ana's right. Talk to your BF and ask if he's still in agreement about getting married next April. If he is, let him know that you're not comfortable planning without being engaged and that you're also concerned about having sufficient time. Hopefully after that, you can just leave the topic alone until you are engaged (so he can propose at his own pace).

bethsmiles · July 2010

I agree with the PPs about talking to your BF. Communicate with him so he knows how you are feeling and you know how is he feeling. Many brides plan their weddings in under a year. But my question is does it have to be April 30, 2011? Because really nothing is forcing you to have that date, you can change it and I think you should be open to that possibility if you don't think you can plan a wedding in under a year. Remember its your wedding any date will be significant just because of that fact alone.

michelle.l · July 2010

My BF and I have budgeted, spoken to our parents and booked and paid for our venue already - together! And we are not engaged. Our date is 01 October 2011 (we liked the 01.10.11 thing> lol)

I get a feeling he's going to propose soon, but I don't mind - I know we are getting married next year, the ring is just a formality! Don't let something materialistic like a ring stop you from starting your wedding planning...

I work for an internationally renowned wedding planning company - and trust me, there is NOTHING wrong with planning in advanced.

bethsmiles · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_together-7-years-wedding-dateno-ring-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:e09dbc3b-b7b6-4402-8a52-eb2f7582b399Post:4291ea26-d31b-4bde-8a75-ffeb786d4cd4">Re: together 7 years, have wedding date..no ring yet</a>:
[QUOTE]My BF and I have budgeted, spoken to our parents and booked and paid for our venue already - together! And we are not engaged. Our date is 01 October 2011 (we liked the 01.10.11 thing /> lol) I get a feeling he's going to propose soon, but I don't mind - I know we are getting married next year, the ring is just a formality! Don't let something materialistic like a ring stop you from starting your wedding planning... I work for an internationally renowned wedding planning company - and trust me, there is NOTHING wrong with planning in advanced.
Posted by michelle.l[/QUOTE]

This is true IF you consider you and your BF consider yourselves to be engaged. Don't rob yourself of the experience of being engaged. There is no need to plan a wedding before you are engaged. You don't need a ring to be engaged but it sounds like you don't consider yourself to be engaged yet. Really you just need to relax. You will have time...so many brides plan their weddings in less than a year. Not a single one of my friends took more than 3 months to plan her wedding...you have time.

sweetness0721 · July 2010

I agree with all of the previous posts. You have to talk to your bf and see his take on it. You have time to plan the wedding of your dreams. A cousin of mine 3 months to plan her wedding so you definitely have time. But, still talk to your BF. Have fun planning your wedding. Keep us posted!

hetshup · July 2010

Op- Just talk with him. I know it's hard because you don't want to ruin the surprise, but seriously sit down and speak with him. You can be engaged without a ring, but if you feel like that is something that you have to have, then you need to tell him that. I've said this before, my MIL didn't really get a proposal until they had been married 10 years. You also have plenty of time, you may not get the "premier" place, but there will be plenty of venues. To be honest, the premier place is often overrated and overpriced.

Wow, I'm so nice today.

oceana919 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_together-7-years-wedding-dateno-ring-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:e09dbc3b-b7b6-4402-8a52-eb2f7582b399Post:e8e9d3e7-c48a-4daf-ad84-b4f9f6a39332">together 7 years, have wedding date..no ring yet</a>:
[QUOTE]I am new to these boards.. But have been on the knot for years. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. We are both in graduate school, I am getting a Phd in Clinical Psychology and he is in Chiropractor school (he graduates in April). We have talked a ton about getting married and actually set a date April 30, 2011. Two years ago we had my ring custom designed.. The problem is I am started to get reallly worried.. No ring yet, and I am rather traditional and dont really feel like I can do much till I have a ring on my finger. I read these boards and I read about all these people who already have everything booked and planned for their april weddings and I flipp out. What if we dont have enough time? Will the venues be book? Okay I am a big planner so this is killing me. I pretty sure he has my ring.. but its not on my finger yet.. grr! Any advice, will I have enough time. I have never planned a wedding before but always thought I would be engaged at least a year.. What is your thoughts on lenght of engagement? help
Posted by jaberjamie[/QUOTE]

1. You're engaged when both you and your BF/FI decided mutually that you are engaged. You don't need a ring to be engaged. A ring is just an object - a very expensive sparkly object, but an object nonetheless.

2. You need to sit down and have an adult conversation with your SO about the status of your relationship, at what pace you both see progression happening in, and whether or not he still intends on that date. If you cannot sit down and have a reasonable adult conversation about reasonable adult issues, perhaps you both need to slow down.

3. I'm an April 2011 girl myself - we're getting married three weeks before you intend to. I'm about halfway done with the planning and prep. That's not exactly "the norm". We both work two full time jobs, have a full time lab schedules, and I will be in the middle of prepping for comp exams right around the time of the wedding - hence me doing/finishing stuff earlier than normal, so I can concentrate on my studies sufficiently. If we didn't have the schedules we do, we probably wouldn't be much beyond having an idea of a venue at this point.

Just because other girls with similar dates are at a certain point doesn't mean you're behind in any way. Nine months, even 6-8 months, is plenty of time to plan a wedding. Ask half of the engaged/married girls on here - most of them planned their entire weddings in under a year.

I would say the first thing you'll want to do when you reach a point where you both consider yourselves engaged and are ready to actually start planning would be to determine a venue. That's it - the rest of the stuff can easily be done in the time allotted.

But again, none of this should be happening until you both sit down and have an adult conversation about the status of your relationship and both mutually agree that you consider yourselves engaged to one another and are ready to begin planning - whether or not a piece of jewelry is in the picture.

GreenPepperBurger · July 2010

I'm curious as to the fact that you designed the ring two years ago. Has it even been purchased? Ditto the PPs - just have an adult conversation with your boyfriend and find out if you're on the same page. If you still plan on getting married in April, I think you have enough time to book a venue if you're in a low traffic zone.

As for length of engagement, I always thought I wanted to be engaged for a year also. But then a little thing called life can happen, and it doesn't always adhere to the plans we make for ourselves. The length of MY engagement will be determined by when I do, in fact, get engaged.

You say you're both in grad school. Do you want to graduate before you get married? Are you OK with simultaneous wedding planning and studies? These are things you need to iron out and discuss with your boyfriend.

GL.

jaberjamie · July 2010

Hey girls. thanks I appreciate all the comments/advice. Him and I have had multiple converstations about getting engaged, wedding date etc. Two years ( when we designed the ring) ago we really decided we would get married when he completes him grad program ( April 2011). This was for a few reasons, one he would be done with school. And I also have a break between semesters from that third week in April to the third in May ( time to go on a honeymoon). I have always wanted an April wedding. Those are the reasons we picked that date. I know its odd to have a date set when we havent found a venue and arent officially engaged. Of course, it could change based on the venue but we dont have much wiggle room due to my doctoral program. I have talked to him recently about if he still wants to get married in April or if we should wait and he says no he still wants to get married in April. I think he just has no concept of how long it takes to plan a wedding. He kinda runs on his own time clock. lol. I dont want to sit down with him and have a big converstation about it again because we have done that he tells me he is sure and its coming. I dont want to put pressure on him. I just wish it would happen sooner. I am a big planner so this kills me.
I was mostly concerned about being able to plan everything in such a short time frame. With school and seeing patients my time is very limited. Which is why I have been planning a lot of it before we are officically engaged to try to limit what I have to do later. However, I just dont feel right about going to look at venues or dresses without a ring on my finger. I know its really traditional but thats just how I feel.

jeanacorina · July 2010

I do understand that you have a limited window in which to have a wedding due to school. However, I just planned a wedding while in college and it was incredibly stressful. Our engagement lasted 9 months, and our wedding was in June. Sure, I did it. Everything got done. But it was so difficult to do while in school and with other obligations!

You can't really do anything to make him propose sooner (without totally ruining it and causing yourself to wonder if he proposed just because you made him feel he had no other option).

I swear, things would have been so much easier on me if DH had proposed last June (giving me a year to plan) instead of in August (right before I went back to school). But he didn't, and it was stressful.... yet, we had a beautiful wedding, we're happily married and I survived.

together 7 years, have wedding date..no ring yet

Re: together 7 years, have wedding date..no ring yet

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