BM too quiet...

Liane28 · September 2012

Ok so I just need to get this off of my chest, because I'm in tears and kind of hurt over this. It might be silly, but that's just how I feel right this moment.

I posted a photo of my dress on the "attire and accessories" board last week and I just got back from paying the balance on the dress and picking it up. I went with 2 of my BMs and tried it on for them (they had not seen it). I stepped out of the dressing room and they litterally didn't make a peep. So I said, "you don't like it?" and then started the usual "it's pretty but it's not what we would choose", "don't you want to try on a few more"...etc.

Basically, I think they just didn't like it, but I am so in love with this dress and I guess maybe I was just expecting a different reaction from them and it hurt and frankly it was kind of embarassing to be standing there in my wedding dress that I love and ...nothing.

I might be over-reacting, but is it wrong to have expected at least a "wow, you look beautiful!" or something...I mean, it's my wedding and as long as I love my dress, isn't that what's important. Plus, I didn't ask for their opinion - I had told them that I loved it and I just wanted them to see it before I brought it in for alterations...So they knew that I was buying this one.

I know this is probably bothering me way too much, but have any of you had similar experiences?

This is just not how I pictured it.

kmmssg · September 2012

You know, if my friend walked out in her dress she had selected and paid for, I'd tell her she looked great even if I hated it. The magic has to be in YOUR eyes, not theirs. Make a choice to just let this go and be thrilled with your gown. They don't have to like it, but in all honesty, I do hope they don't burst your bubble anymore over this. Let it go.

MrsGandthebeag · September 2012

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. All that matters is that you like it.

J&K10910 · September 2012

That sucks. I'd be hurt and upset too. Do you need a lot of alterations? Maybe that's the problem. Maybe once it fits like it was made for you they'll like it more.

As much as it sucks for your friends to not gush over your dress--you said the magic words. All that matters is that you love it and feel amazing in it. Try to keep that perspective.

MyNameIsNot · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bm-too-quiet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0dce7503-771b-4980-af7d-b3802d458cadPost:7b3c8d0d-0b52-47ff-b533-f6dc1830294d">BM too quiet...</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so I just need to get this off of my chest, because I'm in tears and kind of hurt over this. It might be silly, but that's just how I feel right this moment. I posted a photo of my dress on the "attire and accessories" board last week and I just got back from paying the balance on the dress and picking it up. I went with 2 of my BMs and tried it on for them (they had not seen it). I stepped out of the dressing room and they litterally didn't make a peep. So I said, "you don't like it?" and then started the usual "it's pretty but it's not what we would choose", "don't you want to try on a few more"...etc. Basically, I think they just didn't like it, but I am so in love with this dress and I guess maybe I was just expecting a different reaction from them and it hurt and frankly it was kind of embarassing to be standing there in my wedding dress that I love and ...nothing. I might be over-reacting, but is it wrong to have expected at least a "wow, you look beautiful!" or something...I mean, it's my wedding and as long as I love my dress, isn't that what's important. <strong>Plus, I didn't ask for their opinion</strong> - I had told them that I loved it and I just wanted them to see it before I brought it in for alterations...So they knew that I was buying this one. I know this is probably bothering me way too much, but have any of you had similar experiences? This is just not how I pictured it. :(
Posted by Liane28[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You are contradicting yourself. You say you didn't ask for their opinion, but you're upset that you don't like their opinions. It's pretty obvious that they weren't big fans of the dress. That's fine, but you can't turn around and get upset that they weren't gushing about how much they loved it. Be happy that they love you enough that they kept their opinions to themselves and tried to avoid hurting your feelings.

</div>

crash2729 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bm-too-quiet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0dce7503-771b-4980-af7d-b3802d458cadPost:9582d6dc-fc1d-4bf8-8cbd-b296c92c3f4d">Re: BM too quiet...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to BM too quiet... : You are contradicting yourself. You say you didn't ask for their opinion, but you're upset that you don't like their opinions. It's pretty obvious that they weren't big fans of the dress. That's fine, but you can't turn around and get upset that they weren't gushing about how much they loved it. Be happy that they love you enough that they kept their opinions to themselves and tried to avoid hurting your feelings.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
Well, technically I think she did ask for their opinions. When they didn't say anything and she said "You don't like it?" was asking for an opinion in my mind. <div>
</div><div>Either way though, they should have at the very least faked it if they didn't like it. All that matters really is what you like.</div>

yoshijo · September 2012

I showed my 3 friends a picture of my dress. My best friend was so excited telling me how beautiful it looked. The other 2 were more quiet and when I showed them a picture of a dress that I almost chose they said they liked that one better. I learned my lesson and will not show anyone else my dress. I am also pretty short and the dress looked huge on me because there were no alterations yet. I personally would tell my good friend that they looked beautiful even if I did not care for the dress but not everyone is like that. No one will be as excited as you are about your dress and only you can tell which dress makes you feel the most beautiful.

MyNameIsNot · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bm-too-quiet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0dce7503-771b-4980-af7d-b3802d458cadPost:0e84b172-f899-44a4-97fb-94a4e412aea7">Re: BM too quiet...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM too quiet... : Well, technically I think she did ask for their opinions. When they didn't say anything and she said "You don't like it?" was asking for an opinion in my mind. <strong>Either way though, they should have at the very least faked it if they didn't like it. All that matters really is what you like.</strong>
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

<div>I wholeheartedly disagree. I don't think a friend should tell you that you look great when they don't believe it. </div><div>
</div><div>While OP's opinion on the dress is more important than everyone else's, she obviously does care what other people think. Everyone wants to feel beautiful in their wedding dress, but they also want other people to think they look beautiful. </div>

mmmendi · September 2012

When you posted last week, you felt your Mother didn't like it. You do! This week your friends have let you down because it wasn't how you pictured it. Your dress isn't as traditional as your Mom and friends may have pictured. And - the dress is too big and requires alterations. I have no doubt that once fitted, accessorized - you will be a breathtaking bride! In the meantime, be careful about setting expectations for others thoughts and opinions. Own that dress! If you love it, love it! No apologies. I'm sorry you feel so let down, but you still have a dress you love.

random4180 · September 2012

I would be kind of crushed, too. I mean, there's no reason to be anything other than positive about the dress at that point...they knew you were buying it! I mean, really, if I hated the dress, I'd still say something like "you look so happy!" Hell, the mermaid look is very big and I hate it but y;'know, what? A happy bride in a mermaid dress still shows through. You love the dress and as hard as it is, you'll just have try not to hold this against them. As someone else said, it's awkward and uncomfortable but if they're your BMs, you obviously have a good relationship with them- don't let this ruin that, okay?

Liane28 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bm-too-quiet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0dce7503-771b-4980-af7d-b3802d458cadPost:99c4c367-b93a-4cc4-afaa-f338b5fa2cda">Re: BM too quiet...</a>:
[QUOTE]When you posted last week, you felt your Mother didn't like it. You do! This week your friends have let you down because it wasn't how you pictured it. Your dress isn't as traditional as your Mom and friends may have pictured. And - the dress is too big and requires alterations. I have no doubt that once fitted, accessorized - you will be a breathtaking bride! In the meantime, be careful about setting expectations for others thoughts and opinions. Own that dress! If you love it, love it! No apologies. I'm sorry you feel so let down, but you still have a dress you love.
Posted by mmmendi[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks for your encouragement, mmmendi :) ...I think that's exactly what I needed to hear.</div><div>I do love my dress and I obviously think I look beautiful in it, otherwise I wouldn't have bought it for one of the most important days in my life. You're right - I really need to stop setting expectations for others' thoughts and opinions. I will work on that! I guess I was just really surprised, because when I went with another one of my bridesmaids and found this dress, her reaction was priceless - she really loved it...but it could be because she was there when I tried on the other 20+ dresses, so she had an idea of what looked good or didn't on me as far as wedding dresses went.</div><div>
</div>

mmmendi · September 2012

That is one of the things I reap from this site. Strangers can be brutally honest, but they are also not personally engaged - their input doesn't hold the same bias as those IRL. I hope I helped a bit

Liane28 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bm-too-quiet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0dce7503-771b-4980-af7d-b3802d458cadPost:07cc0fbe-613b-48ca-a36d-cde9e750806c">Re: BM too quiet...</a>:
[QUOTE]That is one of the things I reap from this site. Strangers can be brutally honest, but they are also not personally engaged - their input doesn't hold the same bias as those IRL. I hope I helped a bit :)
Posted by mmmendi[/QUOTE]

<div>you really did :) Thanks again!</div>

Liane28 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bm-too-quiet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0dce7503-771b-4980-af7d-b3802d458cadPost:5e1eeb8d-2f26-404f-bb56-e23d634c9793">Re: BM too quiet...</a>:
[QUOTE]That sucks. I'd be hurt and upset too. Do you need a lot of alterations? Maybe that's the problem. Maybe once it fits like it was made for you they'll like it more. As much as it sucks for your friends to not gush over your dress--you said the magic words. All that matters is that you love it and feel amazing in it. Try to keep that perspective.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, it really does suck!! haha...I have had some time to breathe since this morning, so I am not as upset about it as I was when I wrote my original post, but they still kind of got under my skin :S</div><div>I do need A LOT of alterations also. I had warned them of this before putting it on. The dress is currently a size 6 and I need to make it a 0, it's way too long, plus the bust is going to be re-fitted because I've got tiny boobs.</div><div>Also, my seamstress will be adding an extra piece of chiffon starting from the "belt" at the back of the dress, which will flow down the dress, just to add a bit more dimension. </div><div>
</div><div>...and I do feel amazing in it :) </div><div>
</div>

Summer2011Bride · September 2012

My feelings would be hurt too. Yes, I agree friends should be honest (maybe not brutally so, but let you down in a gentle sort of way), and that is fine if you were still trying on dresses. Saying, "I don't think that's flattering on you or accentuates your curves well" when you are in the process of picking a dress is totally different than when you've already bought and paid for it and are kind of stuck with it. Then I think it's a little cruel to say basically "It kind of sucks." At least I wouldn't do that to a friend if she had already bought an expensive dress.

Either way, all that matters if that YOU love it and feel beautiful in it. If you still love it, please don't let them make you question your choice. You know, I bet my wedding dress wasn't to everyone's taste, including my BMs or friends, and that's OK. I loved it and that's all that mattered to me.

Liane28 · September 2012

you girls are great cheerleaders!

Thanks ladies!!

crash2729 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bm-too-quiet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0dce7503-771b-4980-af7d-b3802d458cadPost:1035a724-2bf8-4ca1-8460-e5bc1ba48e57">Re: BM too quiet...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM too quiet... : <strong>I wholeheartedly disagree. I don't think a friend should tell you that you look great when they don't believe it. </strong> While OP's opinion on the dress is more important than everyone else's, she obviously does care what other people think. Everyone wants to feel beautiful in their wedding dress, but they also want other people to think they look beautiful.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
I only say this because OP had already paid for the dress. <div>
</div><div>If it was a regular fitting, I wouldn't think they needed to "fake" it but there was really nothing OP could do at that point without losing the money.</div>

Liane28 · September 2012

In Response to Re:BM too quiet...:[QUOTE]This is why I groan when I see brides with a large entourage at dress appointments.The friends and family will tell you what they think of the dress and it may not be what you want to hear.Don't let anyone see the dress until the wedding day. Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

I don't think 2 bridesmaids is a large entourage...

samantha24p · September 2012

So I went back to look at your dress. It's really pretty. One of my BMs had made mean comments about almost everything I chose for my wedding so I tell her nothing anymore. I think after alterations with your hair and makeup done everyone will see how stunning this dress is on you. don't let anyone make you doubt your decisions.

mrsbiss2be · September 2012

IMO.....I think your BM's are absolutely rude! It's not about it being their day, but yours.
Sometimes the wedding dress picking (it wasn't a huge thing to me which is why I say sometimes) is really important to a Bride and she deserves the feelings of feeling beautiful and special. Like others have said....they should have faked it. At least said that you looked beautiful. My MOH was picking a different style for me, than I liked I was honest with her and said and showed her what I wanted and she respected it. Her comment in the end was, you will look beautiful in ANYTHING that you wear. Which is what they should have said. PERIOD.

HiyaToots · September 2012

Maybe once they see the entire look together, your hair and makeup done and shoes and what not theyll appreciate it more. It could very well be that they arent very visual.

Sometimes our friends get carried away for us too, and place us in a certain dress they had in mind. I have one friend who is imagining me in a lace mermaid gown, and the other in a tulle princess ball gown. Who knows, yes they could of had a better reaction, but its better that you get a dress that makes you happy and not everyone else.

BM too quiet...

Re: BM too quiet...

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