21-month-old ring bearer

coolbeansssx3 · November 2010

My BF/finace and I are getting married December 14, 2011. Our son will be 21 months old by then (8 months now). Would he be old enough to be the ring bearer?

aerinpegadrak · November 2010

No, I don't think he'd be old enough for you to expect any particular action of him at the wedding. My sister's ring bearer was just over 2 years, and he wouldn't go down the aisle by himself (the priest carried him), and then had to be taken out of the church when he started getting fussy. Trix's rule is a good one.

bablingbrooke · November 2010

Doubtful. A two year old would more likely than not have to be helped down the aisle by someone else, since most two year olds not only wouldn't quite understand the direction, they'd also be too scared to walk down an aisle full of strangers alone. And if the kid has to be helped, he's too young.

alyssalowe · November 2010

We have a running joke that our ring bearer is a 20 year old girl. Depending on what your asking the person/child to do depends if they will fit the role. We are doing a ring warming ceremony and our friend is walking our rings from the crowd up to us so we call her our ring bearer. lol.

If your 21 month old is fully capable of walking a straight line (doesnt matter if its too fast or too slow) then they can do it. I like that you want to involve your child in the ceremony, there is not much at that age they can do. If he isn capable of doing it alone, involve someone to help...he is your child. Not just friends child or cousin...

redman23 · November 2010

I think its important to make him a part of the ceremony, otherwise when he gets older he may feel left out. I was at a a wedding a few months ago where the grandma walked down with the ring bearer, it was adorable! I would find someone to help him be involved, you'll regret it when you he gets older. Good luck!

trix1223 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_21-month-old-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:1806b941-d550-4f06-8f75-49fb32a5fc9bPost:c4d5494a-8689-4014-9184-23e8b9e65c83">Re: 21-month-old ring bearer</a>:
[QUOTE]I think its important to make him a part of the ceremony, otherwise when he gets older he may feel left out. I was at a a wedding a few months ago where the grandma walked down with the ring bearer, it was adorable! I would find someone to help him be involved, you'll regret it when you he gets older. Good luck!
Posted by redman23[/QUOTE]

Oh please. He'll feel left out? My brother and SIL were married when all of their nieces and nephews (including my children) were young. None of them were even AT the wedding, much less in it.

Not a single one of them has been psychologically scarred by not being in the wedding. They are all happily centered adults who understand that the world doesn't revolve around them, and that they don't have to be included in everything.

How about this instead? If little person asks why he wasn't in the wedding, OP says "Because weddings are for grown-ups, and you weren't old enough yet."

xokristenelise · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_21-month-old-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:1806b941-d550-4f06-8f75-49fb32a5fc9bPost:1de9abf9-c1be-464a-84af-7f12fe290505">Re: 21-month-old ring bearer</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 21-month-old ring bearer : Oh please. He'll feel left out? My brother and SIL were married when all of their nieces and nephews (including my children) were young. None of them were even AT the wedding, much less in it. Not a single one of them has been psychologically scarred by not being in the wedding. They are all happily centered adults who understand that the world doesn't revolve around them, and that they don't have to be included in everything. How about this instead? If little person asks why he wasn't in the wedding, OP says "Because weddings are for grown-ups, and you weren't old enough yet."
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

there's a huge diffrence between somesone's niece or nephew and someone's child. I totally think he should be involved! marriage is about a family forming, so he should be apart of it.

mandi921vh · November 2010

He will not feel left out because he is far too young to even understand what is going on.

I agree that if he cannot tell people what his role is then he may not be old enough, however it all depends on the child. My six year old step nephew was terrified to be the ring bearer in my sisters wedding, however he still wanted to do it. He did great, but sister and BIL decided that if at the last minute he freaked then oh well he would sit with his grandparents, it was no big deal. Maybe you want to see how it goes the day of...?

If you are really set on him being the ring bearer you could wait to see how he is a year from now.

belletop · November 2010

In summary, he's too young to walk it by himself. If you would like someone to help him down the aisle then by all means do it. It's totally your call.

coolbeansssx3 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_21-month-old-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:1806b941-d550-4f06-8f75-49fb32a5fc9bPost:fe185224-0c94-4d56-82e4-482fd23d043b">Re: 21-month-old ring bearer</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: 21-month-old ring bearer : Neither me, nor either of my brothers had a part in my parents' wedding because we weren't born yet. We're all fine with it. How is not taking part in an event that you are too young to remember and that most kids aren't alive for anyway going to scar him? That's quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I've read on this site to date.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I'm thinking she meant he'll feel left out later on. But regardless of whether of not he'll be the ring bearer, he'll definitely have a part in the wedding.

trix1223 · November 2010

He'll only feel left out if you make him feel left out. If you are matter of fact about it "The wedding was where mommy and daddy promised to love each other forever, just like we love you forever. But weddings are for grown-ups, not little boys and girls." he won't feel "left out" at all.

You're really overthinking this. And yes, I understand the absolute and unqualified love of a parent for a child. I have three children, two incredible children-in-law, and have taught preschoolers for 23 years.

It's never wrong to teach children that they don't have to be, nor should they be, included in everything. Include you son in your wedding if you must. But please don't do it because you think he'll feel "left out" when he's an older child.

megk8oz · November 2010

It's nice you want to include him ... but I think he's way too young to actually have him be the RB (Like PP's, I believe if a kid can't actually tell you what his role in the wedding is, he's too young for it).

Since he's your son, it's perfectly fine to have grandma or somebody else that's important to carry him down the aisle. And you should most certainly dress him up cute and take a ton of pictures with him ... but you don't need to give him a real title or role to fill. "Son of the Bride & Groom" is title enough, imo.

Honestly, when really small children are given roles, it's more for the parents than it is for the kids. A 2-year-old doesn't even know or understand what a wedding is, and very likely won't even remember the day years down the road. And in 20 years, he's certainly not going to be looking at your wedding album and say "Mom, why wasn't I the RB? Didn't you love me enough?".

bablingbrooke · November 2010

I seriously doubt your kid will be sitting in a therapist's office in 20 years crying that he wasn't RB in his parents' wedding.

Sue-n-Kevin · November 2010

I think you can dress him in a cute little tux and hope he walks the rings down the aisle, but don't be totally set that it's going to happen. He may or he may not decide to walk, but no big deal. I would want my kid there no matter how old he was. Good luck!

I agree with Katiejo86 on this. I was at a wedding last summer where the couple's young son, under 2 years of age, walked down with a pillow and fake rings. It was outdoors, and he was just ADORABLE!!!! He had on a little tux, and no one there expected him to be perfect about it. He saw his grandma & grandpa at the end of the aisle, and walked to them and sat on their laps. At times he stood next to his mom & dad during their vows. It really makes for a nice story, and honestly, if you want him to do this, then do it. He's your son.

My fiance & I are having his 2 1/2 yr old grandson be our ringbearer next summer. We don't expect perfection, but it was important to us to include his grandkids (his 4 year old granddaughter is the flower girl).

Good luck.

mana8503 · November 2010

My friends used their 1 yo as their RB. The Groom's neice (5 or 6 yo) pulled him in a little wagon filled with toys. It was TOO cute. Then the MOB got him out and he sat with her.

SeptemberFall2011 · November 2010

I have been to weddings where the ring bearer was only 5 months old and was carried down the aisle or pulled down by a wagon. I think if you want your son involved have him involved! Just remember he may want to sleep more than be in the photos!

Fbrandye · November 2010

I think that its your child, include him how you want.

My wedding party is completly abnormal. MOH is best friend(normal), Bridesmaid is sister(18), flower girls are my twin sister and MOH daughter(two 9yr olds and 3yr old), ring bearer is my FI 12 yr old son.

In my opinion(which is something I get in trouble for alot on this forum) its your wedding do what you want. Its your day and you want it to be special to you not to a bunch of opinions on this board most of which are people whom you don't know and never will know.

DanielleZZ · November 2010

When my cousin got married last year her son was 15 months at the time and he was the ring bearer. It was very cute and went well. My aunt was sitting in the front pew of the church and when it was his turn my mom told him to go see his grandma and he walked down the aisle to her. I think if you want to do it than you should its cute!

AbbeyS2011 · November 2010

How important is it for you to have him a part of the ceremony? He is your son - he is a part of the ceremony. Maybe incorporate into your wedding vows to each other a promise to be loving parents to your son, and your future children? He does not have to be a RB to be included.

When my ex and I got married, our son was 2 1/2 - he refused to nap all that day - he knew something was happening. On the way to the wedding, he fell asleep and slept through the entire ceremony! He was still there, still a part of our wedding day. Your dreams of seeing him walk down the aisle are cute, but may or may not happen like you imagine them to. I personally love the cute little tux idea and include him in the photos.

Having said all that, it is your wedding day, so the ultimate decision is yours.

coolbeansssx3 · November 2010

I never said that the reason that I wanted to include him was so he didn't feel left out. It's more for me and my fiance than anything. I think it'd be cute, I wouldn't expect much from him.

banana468 · November 2010

Keep in mind that the marriage is about joining a couple as husband and wife and it's THEIR commitment to each other.

My own husband and I are expecting our child but the child isn't married to us. The child will be a part of our family. That doesn't mean that we're going to now have a separate ceremony to incorporate him or her into our marriage.

Lynseykay · November 2010

My bf/fiancee are having the same issue. Our oldest will be 2 1/2 when we get married and he may be a little older than yours but he is going to be a ring bearer in our wedding. If he does not make it down the aisle or someone has to help him down it or even carry him I don't really care he is my son and I totally want him involved. We are officially becoming a family and he is just as important as me or my fiancee. I say do what makes you happy it will be fond memories later in life.

21-month-old ring bearer

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