So I am already frustrated with trying to get things together to plan a wedding, I am ready to quit already...lol. It's basically financial stuff that is getting to me. I don't know how coherent it's going to be without all the background that is needed, but I am going to try.
CN: We are basically having difficulties with parents and getting them to say what they are contributing. They have said they are going to help pay, but will not be specific, which is making planning hard.
I want to preface this with the fact that I know that no one HAS to give us money to help with the wedding. I wasn't expecting a contribution from my parents, as we had never talked about it. FI's mom had said (when he told her he was proposing) that she would help with paying for the wedding. I am extremely grateful of ANY help that we will receive. However, the amount that they are helping us depends on what we can plan. Basically, if we have to pay for the wedding by ourselves, we would probably be waiting a little bit longer.
Here's what is frustrating me. I got together with my mom over the weekend. She let me know that they don't have a lot to contribute, but her and my dad would be giving us $5000 towards the wedding. I was shocked at this, because I thought if they were able to give anything at all, it would be much less. So that was a pleasant suprise and I am so grateful.
FI's mom is a different story. A little background on her personality: She is waaaayy emotional about everything. She overthinks stuff and has to be involved in every little detail. FI is her oldest son so he has always been kind of a mom's boy. His dad (parent's are still together) has had financial problems, so his parents keep their finances separate. Basically it is his mom giving him money.
I have not spoken to her about any of this, so all of this is from what FI has told me about their conversation. Basically she has said she will help, but she won't specify how much. She says that she doesn't want to say she will give us a specific amount (I didn't really understand FI's explantion of her reasoning). She keeps asking how much my parents are contributing, and FI didn't tell her that (he didn't know when she asked). I really don't want how much my parents are giving to influence what she gives. I don't want her to feel like she needs to give more than she is comfortable with to match what my parents are paying. This is something she would do because she takes things VERY personally and would feel left out if she were not contributing equally.
We really want to get going on the planning because we are looking at next October and would really just like to get a venue booked and out of the way. We can't really plan though until we know what we can afford. I don't want to sound ungrateful at all, but her reasoning just doesn't make sense with me, and it is just stressing me out. I just want to know if we can do it, or if we are going to have to wait.
We are going to visit our first venue on Thursday and she is coming with us. We are probably going out to lunch beforehand, so I assume that we will discuss things then. I am stressed out about it because talking to her about things are very difficult for me. I am very reason/logic based person and she is extremely emotional and takes things personally. I'm hoping to just kind of let FI take the reigns but I know that she is going to ask me directly about stuff, and I really don't want to overstep any lines or make her upset.
Anyways, I don't really know what I'm looking for here. I think it is mostly just a vent because I need to get it out to somebody who is not partial in the situation.