Bmaid drama! Kicked out !!! help!!!

Re: Bmaid drama! Kicked out !!! help!!!

• cookie0803 member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2013-weddings_bmaid-drama-kicked-out-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:26a515ec-8009-4599-b81d-5edee3b3fb3cDiscussion:6720d3cd-b0c4-4806-8244-f979bb51df97Post:9acc3ee8-e139-469d-a480-f89974ce8756">Bmaid drama! Kicked out !!! help!!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]I went shopping for my Bridesmaid dresses before I had even found my own. I was oddly more excited to make my girls look amazing than pick my dress first. Anywhoo one of my bmaids, who literally calls me sister, was grumpy and grouchy the whole time and really put and damper on the day. I didn't get to do things that I needed to do because I felt like I was waisting her time, This happened 20 days ago and I told her i just don't know now if I want her to be a bmaid anymore. We also work together so its creating tension there as well. <strong>She hasn't done anything since my engagement and I'm 1/2 way to tying the knot</strong>. I just feel like I'm loosing a best friend not only a bmaid. What should I do? Anyone else have Bmaid drama yet?
  Posted by FUTUREMSWITHERSPOON[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>What is it that you're expecting her to do? It's nice to have your friends offer to help with wedding related activities, but the only thing they're required to to is buy the dress and show up sober and on time to the wedding. </div><div>
  </div><div>I know it can be really disappointing when your friends and BMs are not as into the wedding as you are, but no one is ever going to be as excited for your wedding as your and your FI. Think back to your conversations with your friend since you've gotten engaged. In how many of those conversations have you brought up the wedding? It can be hard not to sometimes, but she might be sick of hearing about it. Maybe sit down and talk with her about what is going on in her life. Just really be a friend, you know? Hopefully your friendship will last longer than your wedding, but kicking out a BM is a friendship ending move.
  
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• mrskloop

  

  January 2013

  I would just try to focus on talking about things other than your wedding for awhile and try building back the friendship as PP suggested. I have one BM that im hoping doesnt flake out on me and not show up... shes a little unpredictable. But, im hoping for the best. Lol i was really hurt that she got married last year which i wasnt hurt that i wasnt invited since it was immediate family only but then she had a party to celebrate this year and she never invited me or told me about it. I saw pics on facebook... awkward. Ive just decided to not bring it up. And i wasnt mad that she couldnt make it to try on bm dresses with the other girls but when i sent her pics she just talked about how annoying one of my other bm looks. She just doesnt like her at all. Im just going to overlook things and just tell her when and where to be which is all thats really needed. Oh and my MOH my sister loves to mention how muvh of an inconvenience my wedding is for her since she wont have extra money for her anniversary this year. Ughh other than that... i love my brudal party haha

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• FUTUREMSWITHERSPOON

  

  January 2013

  Wow!! I really appreciate your perspective on things. You made some valid points and I will take into consideration.  Thanks
  
  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2013-weddings_bmaid-drama-kicked-out-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:26a515ec-8009-4599-b81d-5edee3b3fb3cDiscussion:6720d3cd-b0c4-4806-8244-f979bb51df97Post:9041ee81-e426-43ab-8884-c443815f8fcf">Re: Bmaid drama! Kicked out !!! help!!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Bmaid drama! Kicked out !!! help!!! : What is it that you're expecting her to do? It's nice to have your friends offer to help with wedding related activities, but the only thing they're required to to is buy the dress and show up sober and on time to the wedding.  I know it can be really disappointing when your friends and BMs are not as into the wedding as you are, but no one is ever going to be as excited for your wedding as your and your FI. Think back to your conversations with your friend since you've gotten engaged. In how many of those conversations have you brought up the wedding? It can be hard not to sometimes, but she might be sick of hearing about it. Maybe sit down and talk with her about what is going on in her life. Just really be a friend, you know? Hopefully your friendship will last longer than your wedding, but kicking out a BM is a friendship ending move.
  Posted by cookie0803[/QUOTE]

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• mrskloop

  

  January 2013

  I meant bridal party at the end... damn typos. Im on my phone sounded like i was trying to make a dig and say brutal party lol

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• FUTUREMSWITHERSPOON

  

  January 2013

  Not to be rude but why, have you decided to incoporate her into bridal party since she didn't invite you to her wedding celebration?
  
  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2013-weddings_bmaid-drama-kicked-out-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:26a515ec-8009-4599-b81d-5edee3b3fb3cDiscussion:6720d3cd-b0c4-4806-8244-f979bb51df97Post:3ef61550-b81a-4b3c-a94d-4e4bbfd74d10">Re:Bmaid drama! Kicked out!!! help!!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]I would just try to focus on talking about things other than your wedding for awhile and try building back the friendship as PP suggested. I have one BM that im hoping doesnt flake out on me and not show up... shes a little unpredictable. But, im hoping for the best. Lol i was really hurt that she got married last year which i wasnt hurt that i wasnt invited since it was immediate family only but then she had a party to celebrate this year and she never invited me or told me about it. I saw pics on facebook... awkward. Ive just decided to not bring it up. And i wasnt mad that she couldnt make it to try on bm dresses with the other girls but when i sent her pics she just talked about how annoying one of my other bm looks. She just doesnt like her at all. Im just going to overlook things and just tell her when and where to be which is all thats really needed. Oh and my MOH my sister loves to mention how muvh of an inconvenience my wedding is for her since she wont have extra money for her anniversary this year. Ughh other than that... i love my brudal party haha
  Posted by mrskloop[/QUOTE]

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• mrskloop

  

  January 2013

  Well she is one of my best friends and her celebration was a few months after i asked her. My feelings were hurt, but knowing her she wouldnt have not invited me to hurt my feelings or leave me out of anything. From what she has mentioned of it it was family pushing her to have a party to celebrate her wedding so many months after. I do know it was only family and in town friends though so im sure she just did that to cut costs. She is one of my best friends and it wasnt a friendship ending move. Her other best friend wasnt invited either and he lives out of town too.

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• cookie0803 member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2013-weddings_bmaid-drama-kicked-out-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:26a515ec-8009-4599-b81d-5edee3b3fb3cDiscussion:6720d3cd-b0c4-4806-8244-f979bb51df97Post:0b9c4020-b9fb-4698-b8b1-e0e61f89f93a">Re: Bmaid drama! Kicked out !!! help!!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Wow!! I really appreciate your perspective on things. You made some valid points and I will take into consideration.  Thanks In Response to Re: Bmaid drama! Kicked out !!! help!!! :
  Posted by FUTUREMSWITHERSPOON[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>I hope I didn't come across as too harsh, I didn't mean to be. Also, don't feel like you can't EVER discuss your wedding with her again. You are friends and friends are interested in what is happening in each others lives. This includes your wedding, but like every topic, it can get pretty old. Did you actually kick her out of the BP, though, or is it just a thought? I want to make sure I read your OP correctly.</div>

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• Kimba2121

  

  January 2013

  This is a tough situation! I have been on both sides of the fence now. Has your friend ever been a bridesmaid before? I have to admit, the first couple weddings I was in, I was MORTIFIED at the cost of the dresses, and the worst part is, that they weren't really that bad. Being a bridesmaid stinks - and I have come to realize planning my own wedding, that no one is really as excited as me about it. They will listen and attend these events, but they won't be excited until about a week of. My sister in law was really hard to pin down to set up a time to go see the bridesmaid dresses, but I just tried to work around her schedule. I had to remind myself that even though the wedding is all about me and these people are in my wedding because they love me and my fiance, its still a favor and a big thing to ask of anyone. I have felt like kicking people out of my bridal party from day to day, but don't let your wedding ruin your friendship - but remember when you friend gets married - payback ;-) Thats how I got through my last friend's wedding with mandatory spray tans and whatnot.... hehehehe - My honest suggestion would be to talk to her and see why she is upset - I just read that you are actually not going ot her wedding, but maybe she is stessed out about her own wedding and potentially finances. I don't think you should kick her out, but maybe she doesn't want to be in it either with everything she has going on.... perhaps you could tell her that yoou know she has a lot going on, but you understand if she has changed her mind and won't be offended because her friendship means a lot? Just a thought - but there is one in every wedding!!

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• FUTUREMSWITHERSPOON

  

  January 2013

  Ii didn't offcially i told her that her attitude made me not know if i wanted her to be.
  n Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2013-weddings_bmaid-drama-kicked-out-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:26a515ec-8009-4599-b81d-5edee3b3fb3cDiscussion:6720d3cd-b0c4-4806-8244-f979bb51df97Post:fc83004c-f61e-4eab-b9cb-a688a3d44678">Re: Bmaid drama! Kicked out !!! help!!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bmaid drama! Kicked out !!! help!!! : I hope I didn't come across as too harsh, I didn't mean to be. Also, don't feel like you can't EVER discuss your wedding with her again. You are friends and friends are interested in what is happening in each others lives. This includes your wedding, but like every topic, it can get pretty old. Did you actually kick her out of the BP, though, or is it just a thought? I want to make sure I read your OP correctly.
  Posted by cookie0803[/QUOTE]

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• FUTUREMSWITHERSPOON

  

  January 2013

  thankyou very much.  She is single.. You are right though that it does require a lot. I did ask her if she wanted to be or of it was too much and she said no not at all. Its def not worth losing the friendship.
  
  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2013-weddings_bmaid-drama-kicked-out-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:26a515ec-8009-4599-b81d-5edee3b3fb3cDiscussion:6720d3cd-b0c4-4806-8244-f979bb51df97Post:149f4b52-14eb-439f-ac2a-e98b110437b4">Re: Bmaid drama! Kicked out !!! help!!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]This is a tough situation! I have been on both sides of the fence now. Has your friend ever been a bridesmaid before? I have to admit, the first couple weddings I was in, I was MORTIFIED at the cost of the dresses, and the worst part is, that they weren't really that bad. Being a bridesmaid stinks - and I have come to realize planning my own wedding, that no one is really as excited as me about it. They will listen and attend these events, but they won't be excited until about a week of. My sister in law was really hard to pin down to set up a time to go see the bridesmaid dresses, but I just tried to work around her schedule. I had to remind myself that even though the wedding is all about me and these people are in my wedding because they love me and my fiance, its still a favor and a big thing to ask of anyone. I have felt like kicking people out of my bridal party from day to day, but don't let your wedding ruin your friendship - but remember when you friend gets married - payback ;-) Thats how I got through my last friend's wedding with mandatory spray tans and whatnot.... hehehehe - My honest suggestion would be to talk to her and see why she is upset - I just read that you are actually not going ot her wedding, but maybe she is stessed out about her own wedding and potentially finances. I don't think you should kick her out, but maybe she doesn't want to be in it either with everything she has going on.... perhaps you could tell her that yoou know she has a lot going on, but you understand if she has changed her mind and won't be offended because her friendship means a lot? Just a thought - but there is one in every wedding!!
  Posted by Kimba2121[/QUOTE]

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• Abjurback member

  

  January 2013

  I agree with PPs that I would give her another chance, and maybe take a break from the wedding talk. It seems like when people get married all they can think about or talk about is the wedding. For someone not in that place in their life yet (sounds like your BM), it can be a bit much. Also, I agree that in the begining, there isnt a lot of assumed roles for BMs. The big things are trying on the dresses, fittings, the bridal shower, and bachlorette party (and obviously the wedding). She probably isn't going to come to you asking if she can help with invites/favors/etc. If you need her help with something along the way, I would ask for it.

  

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