Super Stessed out

Mattsbride10 · September 2010

I am so stressed with wedding planning, raising my child ,working all the time and not having anyone to talk to. And did I mention finances. When I started planning a year ago I was so enthusiastic and now I wish the wedding was here and gone already so it's one less thing I have to worry about . This should be a happy time and lately I've been so stessed I can't even enjoy the planning. I am really starting to think I may need some professional help. Please recommend your therapist if you have one and preferably a phyciatrist. Thanks ladies.

dibsontop · September 2010

Aww, <<<<<HUGS>>>>>

Okay, breathe.....

Is there anyone that can help you out with the wedding tasks? Or even, could someone watch your baby once or twice a week after work for the next two weeks so you can run some errands. Mom, sisters, friends, neighbors? There are probably a lot of people willing to help you out and you don't even know it!

It sucks to have to ask for help, but for your own sanity, you have to! And it doesn't have to be directly related to the wedding, but asking FI to help out with laundry or dinner just so that you can get some tasks done would be a huge help.

Also, write yourself a list of everything you need to get done. Prioritize and literally cross things off the list, it'll help you feel like you're accomplishing things. And don't forget to breathe. You're almost there!

Santorini2011 · September 2010

BWW???

Or grab wings, beer, and let's tackle your projects

Ms.BriarRose · September 2010

If you really want the name of a great therapist, I can message you the one FI and I used for Pre-marital; she's known in this area for specializing in "life changes" (ie getting married, babies, divorce, kids moving out, etc etc). She's an awesome therapist.

You are so close! Hang in there- I know how you feel. It will be here very very soon, and you will be married! Don't stress about the small stuff- you won't notice those things on the day of. All you will notice is your now-DH!!

miguelhilary2010 · September 2010

I know how you feel being alone in DE with all your family, friends and BP not around! Just hang in there. Tackle tasks one at a time, and what doesn't get done, just don't worry about. Seriously. No one will notice things are missing besides you. Take the "baby" for a walk and get some fresh air just to relax.

Mattsbride10 · September 2010

Thanks girls for all the support! I really appreciate it. And Brit please pm the info just in case I do need it. She sounds like she's just what I need with the move, the baby and now a wedding in less then 2 yrs.

JayElleJayCee · September 2010

AWWWWWW I'm sorry you are so stressed. I couldn't imagine doing all of that alone! I think definately getting help with the NWR things will help you out alot!! That way you can try to enjoy the wedding side of things. What do you have left to do?

Ms.BriarRose · September 2010

Sent you a PM with her info

MissDEusa2009 · September 2010

:::HUG::: I feel your pain, I've got a while to go before the wedding, and I've realized - I just plain HATE wedding planning! I thought this was supposed to be fun, but I really want nothing else to do with any of it. I am excited about getting married, but NOT the hassle that comes with the wedding.

What seems to be working for me is ignoring all of the silly details. Do I really care what the invites look like? Would it kill me if I just picked something plain white and saved myself the hours of searching? NOPE! Do I really need programs? NOPE! Do I care what each and every little flower is going to look like in every centerpiece? Will I even notice it the day of? NOPE! Will I care what my bridesmaids hair looks like the day of? NOPE! It's my day to have fun and I refuse to spend a year pulling my hair out over it.

Quite frankly, who had the bright idea of the bride planning her own damn party? People should be doing all of this for us and surprising us with the celebration rather than me and my family paying 140+ a head so my guests can eat stuffed porkchop.

Ignore all of the things that give you a headache - some things you have to just let fall into place. As for the rest - be willing to give up some control and ask for help to save your sanity.

Kate

Ms.BriarRose · September 2010

While I see where you are coming from, Kate, and definitely agree with you on some points (like ignoring the little things, and letting the BMs pick their own hair and shoes, etc. You are SO right when it comes to that!), there are some things you said that I don't think are necessarily true.

I think some of the planning details that you nix have to be geared towards you. For example, I am having a full blown church service with hymns and responses and the whole nine yards- it's what FI and I wanted, since we are very active in our church and faith is most important to us. There is no way, no way in you-know-what, that I would be able to get by without programs. In fact, our programs are more like church bulletins, because we are printing the entire service in them. Our guests would be hopelessly lost with out them, especially our family that is Catholic (we are Lutheran, and do things like hymns and such very differently). While things like bulletins may not be a major thing for you, others need to have them.

As for the statement about everyone should be doing everything for the couple, well, I think this statement, along with the "this is my day and everything is about me" statement are the two statements that get me the most riled up when it comes to weddings.

I hate to break it to all the brides out there, but it's not about the bride and groom. Yes, the ceremony is about them, and the celebration during the reception is in their name. But this celebration is being thrown by you in honor of your family and friends and guests that are attending. I cannot stand the brides who say because they are vegan, all the food is going to be vegan and the guest choices be damned. This statement and attitude is the furthest from the truth most wrong attitude you could have. You are throwing a party to celebrate with them. If a bride doesn't want to plan or doesn't want to think about the comfort of their guests, then IMO, they should not be throwing a wedding at all. Go to the JOP, or have a tiny intimate wedding with the pastor and witnesses. I cannot stand this attitude that has come up in the recent years saying it's all about me. Any ettiqutte book, and wedding/party planner (including David Tutera), will tell you that as the hosts the bride and groom are to think of their guests first.

I get really riled up about this because this greedy attitude has affected me personally. I am disabled, with a damaged nerve in my left leg. My best friend from college got engaged a year ago- and then told me that she wasn't having in her wedding because 1) it would be too close to mine and I wouldn't be focusing on her (i had set my date a whole year before she even got engaged), and number 2 and the one that infuriated me was if I got spinal surgery to help with my disease too close to her wedding date I would be too focused on healing and getting better and wouldn't be able to devote any time to her. She actually said that, followed by the "it's my day, I can do whatever the hell I want with it, and everyone better cater to me, and if you can't then you are not involved in it" statement. I was appalled that a person who was supposedly my best friend would put her day, ONE day out of her life, ahead of the health and wellbeing of her best friend (oh, btw, I had been fighting for this surgery for over a year; it wasn't like it got sprung on her). I also know, from comments and attitudes and suggestions, that she didn't choose me because of my weight/size- i am a size 18/20, and she wanted her pictures to look good; every girl she chose was a size 6 or smaller. I am sorry that my disease has put water weight on me, and I can't get it off because of what I have.

I have also been to weddings where, for example, the bride wanted the ceremony in a secluded spot by the river, so pretty- and not a bit handicapped accessible. Her own grandma could not come to the ceremony because there was no way for the wheelchair to get there. And all because of that "its my day, everyone should cater to me and I get what I want" attitude.

So, please, not just you but all the girls on here, change that way of thinking and get rid of it for good. Should you have things you like there? Absolutely- we are doing a candy buffet, and our favorite candy is Sour Patch Kids, so of course we have them in the candy choices. But we also made sure that we had choices in candy for those who need sugar free. Having that all about me attitude not only will bring your day down because everyone will be so annoyed with you that you will be miserable, it will give you a reputation among your guests because trust me, guests notice when simple things like their safety isn't taken into account.

Sorry for that vent- I just get really really annoyed and upset about statements like those because it's not the way it should be, and brides need to be reeducated about the true reason and correct attitude to take towards your wedding.

I totally agree with you though about giving up some control for your sanity- you can delegate things and it will be okay! If someone else goes and picks up white paper bags for the candy buffet, it saves you time, headache, hassle- white bags are not a big deal at all! Learning to accept offers of help, letting go when it's not precisely and exactly what you wanted, and realizing that many of those tiny tiny details won't be noticed if they are there or not by anyone but you, helps so much in the long run!

Super Stessed out

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