Jewish/Christian/Catholic

klm1421 · December 2010

We are getting married in August 2011. We are having a very small, informal ceremony with only 20 guests, outside in Denver. My fiancée is non-denominational Christian and fairly religious. He wants a Christian minister, non-denominational and I am fine with that. I am not very religious but consider myself catholic. However, my mom is catholic and my dad is Jewish. We do celebrate some of the jewish holidays. I would like to add a little sprinkling of their traditions into the wedding, while keeping the ceremony short, less then 20 minutes. I don't want it to be too religious in any way as not to make anyone uncomfortable. I want to add catholic/jewish elements more for culture and tradition then truly religion. I am thinking of doing the glass breaking at the end.

Any suggestions?

trix1223 · December 2010

I think the wedding ceremony should reflect the bride and groom. Not the bride and groom and bride's mom and bride's dad and groom's mom and groom's sister and bride's cousin and.......well, you get the idea.

If neither you nor your FI are Jewish, I would find it odd and disconcerting that you'd incorporate a tradition from Jewish weddings into yours.

And honestly, if your FI is fairly religious, I'm curious about why you don't want a religious ceremony. After all, it's his wedding too. I think you both need to sit down and have a talk together about the role religion will play in your lives. Will you be attending church together? What about holidays? What about if children come?

The question is religion is bigger than a wedding ceremony, and it sounds like you both have some conversations that need to be held.

Anyway: IMO, make your ceremony about you, and not your parent's relgious choices.

trix1223 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_jewishchristiancatholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b56b5a5-deae-47de-b8c1-b41c33264d7dPost:de4894f3-eda4-4dbe-b0ef-68a768a7dfc2">Jewish/Christian/Catholic</a>:
[QUOTE]We are getting married in August 2011. We are having a very small, informal ceremony with only 20 guests, outside in Denver. My fiancée is non-denominational Christian and fairly religious. He wants a Christian minister, non-denominational and I am fine with that. I am not very religious but consider myself catholic. However, my mom is catholic and my dad is Jewish. We do celebrate some of the jewish holidays. I would like to add a little sprinkling of their traditions into the wedding, while keeping the ceremony short, less then 20 minutes. I don't want it to be too religious in any way as not to make anyone uncomfortable. I want to add catholic/jewish elements more for culture and tradition then truly religion. I am thinking of doing the glass breaking at the end. Any suggestions?
Posted by klm1421[/QUOTE]

[Deleted User] · December 2010

Ditto trix. Listen to trix. She is very wise.

If you were raised Catholic and not Jewish, I don't see why you would incorporate Jewish traditions in the wedding. How does your FI feel about this? Are you talking having the chuppah?

Furthermore, it sounds like you are not a practicing Catholic nor are you religious. That being said and the fact that you are having an outdoor ceremony, there is not really anything from the Catholic faith that you can incorporate at your wedding.

sister2groom · December 2010

You could incorporate a short reading from the Psalms (or any other Old Testament book) because Catholics, Christians and Jews all use the Old Testament.

Lisa50 · December 2010

If you are Catholic, you are Christian.

Protestants (non-Catholic Christians) and Catholics share something very important beyond the Old Testament -- the New Testament. I am pretty sure you can find a reading from each (the Old and New Testaments) to incorporate into your ceremony. Prayers and blessings are universal, timeless.

My fiance is a lapsed Catholic; I am a practising Catholic. We are easily finding many, many ways to incorporate our shared faith in God and my religious beliefs into our wedding ceremony.

Best of luck to you and your fiance as you plan your ceremony!

KatyRoseM · December 2010

Incorporating the Jewish parts seems to be about family tradition, and not religion for you, am I correct? If so, incorporate only those aspects that fist with your family tradition. People have many traditions that come from a religion that are no longer part of how they celebrate life, I see no problem with that but be aware of what your doing.

LauraT25 · December 2010

If you want to keep your ceremony short, you could include a nod to your Jewish heritage by getting married under a chuppah (which is becoming popular with non-Jewish brides, though it's usually called something else), sign a marriage contract similar to a ketubah before or after the ceremony (some brides on my club board had custom contracts made on Etsy, and they hang them in their homes now), or smash the glass under your feet after the ceremony. The first two aren't specifically Jewish/religious and the contract can reflect you and your FI in a non-denominational way, but your dad and other Jewish relatives may appreciate it.

You might also consider doing the Hora, where you and the groom are raised on chairs, during your reception. Normally I don't advocate doing religious traditions during your wedding if you don't identify with that religion, but if your father is Jewish and you observe some Jewish holidays, I think it would be appropriate.

klm1421 · December 2010

Thank you KatyRoseM & LauraT25. We are not Jewish religiously, but do celebrate some of holidays. It is an important part of who I am and would like to pass some of the traditions on to our family and my fiancée appreciates that and likes to learn and take part. Definitely for me adding some of the things are about tradition and culture rather then religion.

Lisa50 - yes I realize as a Catholic I am Christian. I was thinking more around the traditional & ceremonial items that are typically done during a catholic wedding, that may be able to be added easily in outdoor, wedding that is not in the church or following traditional full mass. I wasn't sure if it was possible to add some items that were more about catholic tradition. For example those given by Laura for Jewish tradition.

trix1223 - Yes we have had all of these religious conversations. I was not clear before obviously about these questions were more about family tradition then religion. In the fact that my parents are of different faith different traditions have been passed down which will carry into our own family.

LauraT25 · December 2010

The Catholic traditions are a bit harder, since you an't really have any sacraments and you run the risk of offending people who might think you're using their traditions inappropriately. I'm better with ideas for Jewish traditions because I have friends who have incoporated them into their own weddings. I think that readings from the Bible, while not specifically Catholic, would be appropriate. You can actually get a 'rent-a-priest' to officiate your wedding; it won't be considered a sacrament by the Church, but he would have a good idea of readings, etc to reflect a tradtional Catholic ceremony. Or you could Google Catholic ceremonies and see what parts would work for your wedding. Good luck!

amandasturenne · December 2010

I know what you are going through, my fi is jewish and i was raised catholic but would like to convert to judiasm, but my fi doesnt want me to since he doesnt really practice, so we are having a justice of the peace perform the ceremony but we are having a chuppah, to incorprate some of the traditions.

SirJuliusVonHaast · December 2010

What do people think about registering for Judaica for an interfaith wedding? My fiance is Episcopal and we are having a non-religious ceremony, but I want to register for a fancy seder plate, menorah, etc. if it is appropriate.

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