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  • KellyBrian2013KellyBrian2013
    1000 Comments
    You're never obligated to send a gift or card, even when you do receive a formal invite. So no, I don't think you have to send anything for a wedding you were verbally invited to and at which you were not to be properly hosted had you attended.
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  • Cortney1982Cortney1982 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    I'd definitely skip a wedding gift in this situation.
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  • jennylee813jennylee813 member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Maybe a simple congratulatory card would be nice, but a gift is not necessary.
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  • Jessie42613Jessie42613 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    Agree with PPs that you're not obligated but since he's a close friend, I probably would give something. If you do a card, I'd maybe include a gift certificate to a restaurant or something.
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  • ftrmrsweatherdonftrmrsweatherdon
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_was-i-rude-not-to-send-a-gift-or-a-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e007f6d8-1db4-43e8-ad2a-59920277fa49Post:ca07b565-ac07-4c76-85e5-d192eda6c4c1">Re: Was I rude not to send a gift or a card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe a simple congratulatory card would be nice, but a gift is not necessary.
    Posted by jennylee813[/QUOTE]

     This. I like cards, and it shows your still thinking of them and wish them all the best, But a gift is not necessary.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Since you declined the invite due to money being tight I doubt they expect a present from you. But I agree w/PP a congratulations card would be nice. Required, no, but it does let them know you are thinking of them. Plus who doesn't love getting something in the mail that isn't a bill or junk mail.

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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    Also agree with PPs.  Nothing is required but if you can send a card with warm wishes, I think that would be a nice gesture.  You could also include the invitation to join you for a homecooked meal if you'd like to celebrate with them in a budget-friendly way.
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  • loca4pookloca4pook member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I think the way I look at gifts is, do you WANT to buy one since it is your close friend?...For me, if it was close friend of mine I would want to buy them a gift regardless of if they had a reception  or not because I want to "celebrate" their happiness with them. It's about the PERSON, not the EVENT

    I noticed people on here think they should only send a gift if invited to some type of reception [ not talking about situations where people are slighted by being excluded], but I view it differently. I sometimes buy birthday gifts for my friends whom I love, and usually no party is involved. People don't have bday parties every year, yet we sometimes buy gifts for them anyway. It's about our "connection" to the person, not always about an "event".

    If you feel "connected" enough to buy them  christmas gifts every year, you probably are connected enough to want to buy them a gift. Don't get caught up in an event, remember the PERSON. Would you feel hurt if you got married, and they didnt' even send a card?

    I come from the perspective of, it never hurts a friendship to BUY a gift, but friendships do end over hurt feelings which "could" happen if they think their close friend didn't care enough to send a card, at least.....not saying it's right, but it could happen.....
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  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    I probably would have sent a card but not a gift.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Well, it's not required, but I think giving a card at least would be nice because this is a close friend.
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  • SmallenForeverSmallenForever member
    100 Comments
    Thanks everyone! I'm going to send a card. 
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  • loca4pookloca4pook member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_was-i-rude-not-to-send-a-gift-or-a-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e007f6d8-1db4-43e8-ad2a-59920277fa49Post:c639ab17-5e28-4c03-a8b0-151d0ef5bf3b">Re: Was I rude not to send a gift or a card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Was I rude not to send a gift or a card? : OP said she didn't buy them a wedding present because money was tight and she already bought them Christmas presents and doesn't/can't buy them more gifts. I don't think it's about "being connected." As for the second part, yes a card would be lovely. <strong>But if a friendship ended because I didn't send you a congrats card, I'd say the friendship wasn't very strong and I wouldn't want you as my friend anyways. ETA: OP I'd send a card. A gift isn't really necessary.
    </strong>Posted by laurelrenee1[/QUOTE]

    You left out the part where I wrote I didn't necesarily think it was RIGHT, but that friendships DO end over this kinda situation. IF you think they don't, you're naive

    I think everyone is lying to themselves that you wouldn't feel hurt if a close friend of yours didn't even send a card for your wedding. IT's human nature, you'd probably feel hurt.

    If it is a CLOSE friend, yes a card at the least. Personally, if a close friend of MINE got married, I'd be sending a gift regardless of the situation...Because I am obligated to? NO, because I would WANT to celebrate their happiness....It doesn't have to be expensive, just a token that I was thinking of them....even cooking them a nice dinner like someone else suggested...
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  • SmallenForeverSmallenForever member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_was-i-rude-not-to-send-a-gift-or-a-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e007f6d8-1db4-43e8-ad2a-59920277fa49Post:9912ac53-27c1-4472-9c81-40492537a8f8">Re: Was I rude not to send a gift or a card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Was I rude not to send a gift or a card? : You left out the part where I wrote I didn't necesarily think it was RIGHT, but that friendships DO end over this kinda situation. IF you think they don't, you're naive I think everyone is lying to themselves that you wouldn't feel hurt if a close friend of yours didn't even send a card for your wedding. IT's human nature, you'd probably feel hurt. If it is a CLOSE friend, yes a card at the least. Personally, if a close friend of MINE got married, I'd be sending a gift regardless of the situation...Because I am obligated to? NO, because I would WANT to celebrate their happiness....It doesn't have to be expensive, just a token that I was thinking of them....even cooking them a nice dinner like someone else suggested...
    Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

    <div>It's not that I don't want to celebrate their happiness. I just completely forgot. My friend didn't actually tell me when the wedding was (I was invited to go to dinner afterward but that was before they were sure which date they were going to pick) and without a sure date or an announcement or something, I completely forgot. I love my friend and his new wife and I got them a Christmas present they'll love and I really can't afford to give two gifts. I don't think I'm a bad friend or that my friend even cares. I am sending a card though.</div>
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  • KellyBrian2013KellyBrian2013
    1000 Comments
    edited November 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_was-i-rude-not-to-send-a-gift-or-a-card?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e007f6d8-1db4-43e8-ad2a-59920277fa49Post:9912ac53-27c1-4472-9c81-40492537a8f8">Re: Was I rude not to send a gift or a card?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Was I rude not to send a gift or a card? : You left out the part where I wrote I didn't necesarily think it was RIGHT, but that friendships DO end over this kinda situation. IF you think they don't, you're naive<strong> I think everyone is lying to themselves that you wouldn't feel hurt if a close friend of yours didn't even send a card for your wedding. IT's human nature, you'd probably feel hurt. </strong>If it is a CLOSE friend, yes a card at the least. Personally, if a close friend of MINE got married, I'd be sending a gift regardless of the situation...Because I am obligated to? NO, because I would WANT to celebrate their happiness....It doesn't have to be expensive, just a token that I was thinking of them....even cooking them a nice dinner like someone else suggested...
    Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

    Well, you're wrong. I had one of my very best friends who I had asked to be a BM that couldn't make it to the wedding because of money (and living out of the country). She didn't send me a card and I never thought twice about it. Ever. In fact, this is the first time I've realized she didn't send me anything. And I'm not hurt in the least. Our friendship goes beyond a $3 piece of thick paper from Hallmark. She didn't need to send me a card for me to know she was excited/happy for me.

    ETA: Come to think of it, there were actually at least TWO other people that I consider to be close friends who did not attend our wedding because of funds and did not send a card of any kind. This is the first time I've thought about it, and I can honestly say I'm not hurt at all by it.
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