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MOH duties...

dessy.williamsdessy.williams
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I need a LOT of help with this one. My sister is my maid of honor, and mainly because i'm having a private ceremony (different day from a reception or a destination, haven't decided) and only want my immediate family there. However, my sister happens to live in north carolina which is very far from here and won't be around until right before the wedding!! how does she do the MOH duties without being present? or should a friend have this role instead? if so how do i ask a friend to help me without actually getting the title? it would be offensive not to have her as my MOH and we are very close. 
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Re: MOH duties...

  • cougarettecougarette member
    100 Comments
    There are no duties except to buy the dress and show up on time.
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  • opalsky007opalsky007 member
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    Look, there aren't really any duties beyond showing up. You can do all of the planning work yourself, especially for a small wedding.

    I'd recommend you get a new screen name without your email address in it, you're going to get tons of spam.
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  • NebbNebb member
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    Pray tell what duties you speak of...
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  • FutureMrsDudley55FutureMrsDudley55 member
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    Oh jeez..

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  • laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2fdf8358-7030-4962-9055-ce76d9f84de5Post:734ecbaa-958d-46bf-aa55-960b951a8af7">MOH duties...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I need a LOT of help with this one. My sister is my maid of honor, and mainly because i'm having a private ceremony (different day from a reception or a destination, haven't decided) and only want my immediate family there. However, my sister happens to live in north carolina which is very far from here and won't be around until right before the wedding!! how does she do the MOH duties without being present? or should a friend have this role instead? if so how do i ask a friend to help me without actually getting the title? it would be offensive not to have her as my MOH and we are very close. 
    Posted by dessy.williams@gmail.com[/QUOTE]

    What, praytell, do you see as the MOH's duties, besides getting a dress and showing up sober? I'm genuinely curious.
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  • nda_roxybabenda_roxybabe member
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    edited March 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2fdf8358-7030-4962-9055-ce76d9f84de5Post:734ecbaa-958d-46bf-aa55-960b951a8af7">MOH duties...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I need a LOT of help with this one. My sister is my maid of honor, and mainly because i'm having a private ceremony (different day from a reception or a destination, haven't decided) and only want my immediate family there. However, my sister happens to live in north carolina which is very far from here and won't be around until right before the wedding!! how does she do the MOH duties without being present? or should a friend have this role instead? if so how do i ask a friend to help me without actually getting the title? it would be offensive not to have her as my MOH and we are very close. 
    Posted by dessy.williams@gmail.com[/QUOTE]

    What kind of duties are you thinking she needs to do?
    Heres my list of duties:
    Hold my dress and wipe for me when I pee
    Carry a bottle of water around to give me everytime I get thirsty
    Feed me (so I dont drop food on myself)
    Carry me into the ceremony (so I dont trip and fall)
    ETA: Put on my deodorat for me, so I don't get any on the dress. Can't believe I forgot that one!

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  • mwhitson14mwhitson14 member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    What exactly do you expect her to do?
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  • nda_roxybabenda_roxybabe member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2fdf8358-7030-4962-9055-ce76d9f84de5Post:d8d6b870-cfcd-4c86-be04-2d7b13e6a4f2">Re: MOH duties...</a>:
    [QUOTE]duties was a poor choice in wording--it's just how i've heard it said but it definitely comes across wrong.  i meant more so signing the marriage license end of things, not the "please hold my dress while i pee" ridiculous end of things. I would never assign anyone anything and I NEVER ask people to do anything for me. So is ok to ask a friend to do that since my sister won't be here?
    Posted by dessy.williams@gmail.com[/QUOTE]

    But your sister will be there at the wedding to be your witness. So what do you need the friend to do?

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  • laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
    5000 Comments
    I'm assuming since your sister is immediate family, she wil lin fact be at the ceremony? And she could sign the license.  I'm really confused by all this.
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  • whitneykaye87whitneykaye87
    500 Comments
    So your sister won't be there for your actual wedding?  If she'll be there for that, I still don't see a reason to have someone else do something because she's far away.  I might be confused though.
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  • nda_roxybabenda_roxybabe member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2fdf8358-7030-4962-9055-ce76d9f84de5Post:35c7d69f-f0f5-43f3-aa92-a6a0f233e4c2">Re: MOH duties...</a>:
    [QUOTE]So your sister won't be there for your actual wedding?  If she'll be there for that, I still don't see a reason to have someone else do something because she's far away.  I might be confused though.
    Posted by whitneykaye87[/QUOTE]

    Nope, she said her sister WILL be there.

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  • janedoe1113ajanedoe1113a member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I'm very confused.
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  • MCarmineMCarmine member
    500 Comments
    If by "duties" you mean help out with planning and such then she will have to help from a distance. My MOH is currently living in Australia but will be back in time for the wedding. She's offering advice and ideas via email or phone.

    Other then that her only duties are to hang out and drink beer with me.
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  • kikibabykikibaby member
    5000 Comments
    I think you may be confused on when the license gets signed.  It's at the wedding, after the ceremony.  As long as your sister/MOH is there for the ceremony, she can sign the license.
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  • kd.josephkd.joseph
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I'm so confused. Ok my MOH is in SC, I'm in Ohio. I have planned my whole wedding without bothering MOH. She is buying her dress and showing up. She stands next to me when I get married and AFTER the wedding she signs the license. Whats the question again?
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  • rubyjem00rubyjem00
    10 Comments
    Just to give you perspective - my MOH is in Iraq so not only does she not have any duties, but I have bought her dress and her shoes so that they are here when she gets back. Her only "duty" is to do what she can to get back in time for the wedding. We are all keeping our fingers crossed for that!
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  • kristinalilykristinalily
    100 Comments
    Okay, wow. I know what you mean. Things like helping with the parties and showers? Helping to choose dresses etc? I'm pretty sure everyone else knew what you meant too...they were just being harsh since you used the word duties. I felt like you did too because I thought my MOH was supposed to help at least a little in planning the wedding if they could. Mine showed no interest so I have done and chosen everything myself with no input from anyone.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2fdf8358-7030-4962-9055-ce76d9f84de5Post:015074c5-d220-4f07-8bc9-11a7b90c6d9b">Re: MOH duties...</a>:
    [QUOTE]So why give the title? I know you don't have to have a MOH but if everyone up there is a good friend why have one that's the best friend labeled? Why do we even do that anymore? My MOH isn't even signing the marriage license...so I'm kind of wondering why she has the title? I don't want to start any arguments or anything bc I know they don't have "duties" but why is it the norm to have a moh?
    Posted by kristinalily[/QUOTE]

    <div>The point of having attendants is to honor your closest friends.  MOH is a special honor for your best friend, just as the best man is the groom's best friend.  Since many people have more than one best friend or cannot identify their best friend, it is very common to see no MOH or more than one MOH.  </div><div>
    </div><div>The title has nothing to do with duties.  It is about honoring special friendships in your life.  </div>
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  • kristinalilykristinalily
    100 Comments
    ok, true. I get that. I think I'm struggling with the whole MOH thing because mine hasn't bothered to interact/talk to me for months. Looking back in history the maids actually did things for the bride. Obviously it's different now...just found it interesting to read about the history of weddings! :)
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