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Bachelor Party Dilemma

MOHofB2BMOHofB2B
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
I need some advice, please!

My hubby is best man for his best friend's wedding.  His best friend's brother is a groomsman in the wedding and the brother's wife is a bridesmaid. 

In discussing plans for the bachelor party happening in a few weeks, the brother told my hubby that he is planning to skip out for a few hours to see an ex-girlfriend (and cheat on his wife), but he doesn't want anyone else to know.  My hubby told the brother it is a bad idea and he is risk ruining the bachelor's party (there's only 1 best man and 2 other groomsmen, so his absence will easily be noticed by groom) but the brother doesn't think it should be a problem.

My hubby is afraid to tell his best friend about the brother's plan because he is afraid that telling the groom could potentially ruin all of the wedding plans (since his wife is a bridesmaid)  However, I'm afraid that if the groom later found out about what the brother did (using his bachelor party as opportunity to cheat on his wife) and also found out that my hubby knew about it ahead of time, my hubby could risk losing his best friend. 

My hubby asked my opinion on what he should do... so now I know about this plan and feel like keeping it from the groom, who is a good friend of mine, and his fiancee, who is also a very good friend of mine, is a form of betrayal.

My options to my hubby were the following:

A) Have my hubby talk to brother and tell him he should talk to groom about this first, and also tell the brother that putting my hubby in middle is jeopardizing his friendship with groom, if groom ever found out, and see if brother will either cancel plan because he doesn't want groom to know or talk about it with groom and then it's out of my hubby's hands

B) Hubby to tell groom and keep his friendship and loyalty to groom and say "forget you" to the brother, since they are only aquaintances through groom

C) Somehow convince groom and other groomsman to move party to different location, since no reservations have been made yet anyway, and hopefully prevent the brother from having opportunity to cheat

Any other advice from anyone out there??  I feel like I'm caught up in this too, since I am good friends with bride and groom, and also the MOH......   

Thanks for help!

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Re: Bachelor Party Dilemma

  • Behindthebook08Behindthebook08 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    How about you castrate the bastard.  Saves everyone the trouble.
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  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would probably go with A or C. What a jerk for putting your FI in the middle of that! He should NEVER have told him that.

    Since he's not really your FI's friend, I'd FI to give the bro a heads up that he doesn't feel comfortable keeping this a secret from the groom, doesn't know why bro told him in the first place, and that if bro doesn't change his plan then FI is not going to lie for him and that if anyone asks on the night of where bro has gone, then FI is going to tell them. And maybe do a combination of A and C and therefore tell the bro that changing the location of the bachelor party might be a good idea, and to never tell FI again when he's thinking about letting it out of his pants.
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I don't see what this has to do with the bride and groom at all besides the brother leaving the bachelor party. I don't see how the biggest worry  here is whether it will ruin the wedding- if the wife does find out about this, then there may be a problem with two people in the wedding party. But it really shouldn't change all the wedding plans. Perhaps there's something I'm missing here.

    When you get down to it, I think this is bigger than just a bachelor party problem. If you took that and the wedding out of the equation, what would your husband feel he should do about it?
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  • MOHofB2BMOHofB2B
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you all for your comments.  This has been weighing heavy on my hubby since the bro told him this. 

    I appreciate LoveMuffin's suggestion of telling bro that he isn't going to lie for him if someone asks where he went. The bro really had no reason to tell my hubby about his plans.

    @heyimbren - the potential screw up of wedding plans could be an issue, since the wedding is less than 40 days away, and there wouldn't be much time to find replacement wedding party members.  Plus, the groom's entire family is really close, and if the father of groom & bro found out about this plan of the bro's it could cause a serious rift in the entire family dynamic - and even if everyone did decide to stick through it and stay in the wedding, it still adds a lot of unwanted tension and drama to the mix.

    If anyone else has ideas or comments or thoughts, I am more than happy to hear from you!  I think my hubby is going to talk to the bro this Friday about the whole thing.
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