Catholic Wedding - Please help!

md1987 · June 2010

My husband is in the Marines so we got married before he was shipped off to Afghanistan. Now we are going to have our "official" wedding in march. Do we still have to go to the whole pre-marriage classes for a catholic wedding? Please help! Thanks!

aecappelli · June 2010

Check with your church.

unplainjane · June 2010

yes you need to talk to your priest. if you are already married i don't think a priest can marry you again. though he can bless your marriage especially under your circumstances.

MyNameIsNot · June 2010

You already had your wedding. You are already married. This will be a convalidation, a special blessing where the church officially recognizes your previous marriage and you make the sacrament.

Talk to your church about what is involved and what the parameters are. Typically, you go through the same pre-cana and all. Be warned, this is not a wedding, and most Priests will not allow you to parade around and pretend that it is. That means they typically don't allow the big white dress, the processional, the attendants, etc.

JeFlanigan · June 2010

Out of curiousity... when did he ship out...? My brother is 2-6 and left Sunday.

kristinanddan · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:42558922-271b-417c-8e53-345b112fb566Post:277073dc-601b-4da9-b989-4ffc95ced264">Re: Catholic Wedding - Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]You already had your wedding. You are already married. This will be a convalidation, a special blessing where the church officially recognizes your previous marriage and you make the sacrament. Talk to your church about what is involved and what the parameters are. Typically, you go through the same pre-cana and all. Be warned, this is not a wedding, and most Priests will not allow you to parade around and pretend that it is. That means they typically don't allow the big white dress, the processional, the attendants, etc.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

This is very well said.

preciosa4 · June 2010

It is a convalidation ceremony, but I do have to respectfully disagree with a couple of the previous posters on how to view it. (I recently went though this with my husband due to urgent immigration issues.) First of all, yes, you probably do have to go though the pre-marriage prep. Secondly, while there are a few priests who view it differently, you absolutely may have a regular ceremony. (It looks identical in all ways to the traditional ceremony, minus the marriage certificate at the end.) No, technically, it is not a "wedding" but it IS the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony which is not the same as your civil ceremony. In my husband's country, EVERYONE has 2 ceremonies: a civil and a religious. The religious ceremony (as they--and we--call it) is viewed as the real one. It isn't to mean that your civil marriage isn't real and recognized, but for Catholics the Sacrament is more important, yes? For our religious ceremony, we will absolutely be allowed the regular trappings of a religious ceremony. Ritual is important! There is no condemnation of this process in MY parish, at least, and in no way are we being treated as "a little less than." We aren't "parading" we are treating this sacramental occasion with the solemnity,reverence, and yes, joyousness that it deserves.

Talk to your parish. Hopefully, they will be as gracious, welcoming, and helpful as mine was. (We were in the process of planning the wedding when the unexpected and urgent need to speed up the civil union occurred.) No reason to return the dress. Celebrate your sacramental union.

As for the pre-marriage prep, I have to say that I am enjoying ours, though different parishes and dioceses have varying quality, I think. If I were you, I'd say go for it! Congratulations on your marriage and a strong thank you to your beloved for his service to our country. (What a sacrifice you and other military families make!) Good luck tou you!

Zippy88k · June 2010

I attended a wedding in which the bride and groom were already married due to immigration issues, and they had everything from the big white dress to the flower girl, and absolutely everyone understood. Was it a civil wedding? No, but it was very important to the bride to be married in her church and have the Sacrament, and I think you'll be hard-pressed to find a priest who would be unaccomodating in this way.

Mioh1 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:42558922-271b-417c-8e53-345b112fb566Post:f72942bf-b2e5-43c0-b41b-29e872d505db">Re: Catholic Wedding - Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]It is a convalidation ceremony, but I do have to respectfully disagree with a couple of the previous posters on how to view it. (I recently went though this with my husband due to urgent immigration issues.) First of all, yes, you probably do have to go though the pre-marriage prep. Secondly, while there are a few priests who view it differently, you absolutely may have a regular ceremony. (It looks identical in all ways to the traditional ceremony, minus the marriage certificate at the end.) No, technically, it is not a "wedding" but it IS the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony which is not the same as your civil ceremony. <strong> In my husband's country, EVERYONE has 2 ceremonies: a civil and a religious. The religious ceremony (as they--and we--call it) is viewed as the real one. It isn't to mean that your civil marriage isn't real and recognized, but for Catholics the Sacrament is more important, yes?</strong> For our religious ceremony, we will absolutely be allowed the regular trappings of a religious ceremony. Ritual is important! There is no condemnation of this process in MY parish, at least, and in no way are we being treated as "a little less than." We aren't "parading" we are treating this sacramental occasion with the solemnity,reverence, and yes, joyousness that it deserves. Talk to your parish. Hopefully, they will be as gracious, welcoming, and helpful as mine was. (We were in the process of planning the wedding when the unexpected and urgent need to speed up the civil union occurred.) No reason to return the dress. Celebrate your sacramental union. As for the pre-marriage prep, I have to say that I am enjoying ours, though different parishes and dioceses have varying quality, I think. If I were you, I'd say go for it! Congratulations on your marriage and a strong thank you to your beloved for his service to our country. (What a sacrifice you and other military families make!) Good luck tou you!
Posted by preciosa4[/QUOTE]

I thought this too, and wondered why everyone else got all crazy about it being a "fake" wedding which I don't agree with.

MyNameIsNot · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:42558922-271b-417c-8e53-345b112fb566Post:9ce1d976-7324-4792-9612-65f075751408">Re: Catholic Wedding - Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Catholic Wedding - Please help! : I thought this too, and wondered why everyone else got all crazy about it being a "fake" wedding which I don't agree with.
Posted by Mioh1[/QUOTE]

<div>This isn't another country. In the US, the civil and religious ceremony are done at the same time. If you were in another country, your guests would understand that they are witnessing the blessing of a previously performed wedding. </div><div>
</div><div>A wedding, by definition, is when you get married. If you are already married, it is physically impossible to have another wedding without a divorce. Thus, calling it a wedding is a lie. </div>

Mioh1 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:42558922-271b-417c-8e53-345b112fb566Post:7d379a33-d09a-427a-886d-b78a54cdd53e">Re: Catholic Wedding - Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Catholic Wedding - Please help! : This isn't another country. In the US, the civil and religious ceremony are done at the same time. If you were in another country, your guests would understand that they are witnessing the blessing of a previously performed wedding. A wedding, by definition, is when you get married. If you are already married, it is physically impossible to have another wedding without a divorce. Thus, calling it a wedding is a lie.
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

I haven't attended a wedding that wasn't held on U.S soil. My friends parents had their "official" wedding years after their civil ceremony and everyone treated it like a wedding. No one called it fake. The same as my cousin who went to Iraq and came back to have his official marriage. Everyone brought gifts, they had the big white dress and everything.

mica178 · July 2010

Convalidation =/= wedding. If you have your civil ceremony for whatever reason, fine, but you're married. Many priests will discourage the poofy white dress and the hoopla for a convalidation because technically you committed a mortal sin by getting married outside of the church and (presumably) consummating that marriage. That does not mean that the church doesn't welcome you to convalidate your marriage, it just means that the celebration should be different.

I look at it as prioritizing. If you want the fast marriage to get benefits, citizenship, etc., you don't the the fancy church wedding. You get a simple convalidation ceremony. Or take the risk without health insurance or deployment as a single person and wait for the big church wedding. Take your pick, but you can't have both.

Mioh1 · July 2010

*sighs*
I've still seen it done and people still do it regardless.

luckyme502 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:42558922-271b-417c-8e53-345b112fb566Post:d3cfe366-9646-4b14-afa9-fa63039dd306">Re: Catholic Wedding - Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Convalidation =/= wedding. If you have your civil ceremony for whatever reason, fine, but you're married. Many priests will discourage the poofy white dress and the hoopla for a convalidation <strong>because technically you committed a mortal sin</strong>by getting married outside of the church and (presumably) consummating that marriage. That does not mean that the church doesn't welcome you to convalidate your marriage, it just means that the celebration should be different. I look at it as prioritizing. If you want the fast marriage to get benefits, citizenship, etc., you don't the the fancy church wedding. You get a simple convalidation ceremony. Or take the risk without health insurance or deployment as a single person and wait for the big church wedding. Take your pick, but you can't have both.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

I don't think that getting married outside the church rises to the level of a mortal sin, I'm pretty sure it's a venial sin.

mica178 · July 2010

Meh. Probably a technicality, but consummated marriage outside of the church (civil weddings) is considered fornication, which is a mortal sin. Mortal sins are still forgiveable with confession and repentance. I wouldn't put fornication on the same level as murder, but it's still serious.

luckyme502 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_catholic-wedding-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:42558922-271b-417c-8e53-345b112fb566Post:3b13495e-ad0e-404a-ad09-14bf6e9ba56f">Re: Catholic Wedding - Please help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Meh. Probably a technicality, but consummated marriage outside of the church (civil weddings) is considered fornication, which is a mortal sin. Mortal sins are still forgiveable with confession and repentance. I wouldn't put fornication on the same level as murder, but it's still serious.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

No, fornication is not a mortal sin, still just venial. If you would like I can give you the exact reference in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

mica178 · July 2010

CCC 1857

CCC 2353

Again, I think most Catholics today look the other way on this matter, but fornication is considered a grave matter, and when done between consenting adults who know that it is wrong, it becomes a mortal sin.

Catholic Wedding - Please help!

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