I'm sorry this is going to be long.
Fi and I have been planning on getting married in Oc 2013 and then a year later moving to Vancouver. Our wedding is going to be as minimal and inexpensive as possible (we're talking about $2,500) while still being able to properly host our closest famly and friends (guest list of about 70-80). Our fabulous network fo friends have already volunteered to do things to help us with this, plus we have connections through FI's work for deals on food/bev. I'll be DIYing anything I can to keep costs down. No unnecessary frills, only what is absolutely necessary to have a ceremony, then host a good dinner and party for our guests afterwards. While I think that the most important thing is saying our vows, for me, it is almost just as important to do so in front of the people that we care about and who care about us, and those who have been and will be a part of our life together. Basically I would rather not have flowers than not have a seat available for someone we want to have there, if that explains my attitude towards the whole thing. We don't make a lot of money, and are paying for all of it ourselves, so we have gone through our budget and set up savings account for the wedding and savings in general, emergencies and such. We put a certain amount into each every month so that we can pay off everything wedding related by september. We also planned on only having a small registry so we wouldn't have a ton of stuff to move and then any money given could then be put towards moving. The wedding savings account would then be turned into savings for the move after the wedding. This would all allow us to afford everything and still have that extra savings cushion for unexpected expenses or future major purchases.
However, now FI has thrown a wrench into all these plans. He now wants to move as soon as my current work contract is up, which is about 2 months before our planned wedding date. His reasons are totally legit. He feels like his career is stagnating here and it is becoming a major source of stress for him, which I completely understand and can see how much it is weighing on him. He is ready to get out of this city and work elsewhere, plus we are both ready to live somewhere new and are both completely in love with Vancouver. I don't even know that we will be able to get Visa's that soon, but aside from that potential problem moving across and out of the country is going to be a huge expense. I'm not sure that we can afford to do it at around the same time as the wedding. He thinks we should just skip having a wedding all together and elope or just do a courthouse wedding and small dinner with just parents and a couple friends. I'm trying to get into the idea, but like I already said, it's so important to me to have everyone there, it is hard to just give that up. This isn't because I wan't to be a princess and have my "special" day. It's just such a major life experience, I can't imagine it without all these people there with us. I'll be thrilled to be married to him under any circumstance certainly, I would just be disappointed not to share the day with my friends whose weddings I've been a part of or will be a part of. I don't want these feelings to overshadow FI's happiness or career goals but I do think there should be room for negotiation , especially since it isn't like I have an absurd or extravagant wedding plannned. If we could just up and move right away I would totally do it, but that isn't realistic either.
Plus, our famlies are putting pressure on us too; mine because I'd be the only one of my generation to NOT have a courthouse wedding where only parents are invited. My parents and aunts and female cousins are all ridiculously excited about getting to have a "real" wedding in the family, I'd feel bad disappointing them. FMIL and FI's step mom have also already told me that we aren't thinking big enough, so there's that : /
So it seems like our options are these-
1) Do as FI suggests, I suck it up and we forego the small (relative to most people I know) and simple wedding I want for a family only courthouse thing or elopement
2) We put off the wedding until a year or so after the move, so that we can put the savings toward the move first. (It seems kind of silly to hold off a wedding for 2 years just so I can have the wedding I want, but at least it put's FI feelings first and the wedding second. It would mean having to travel back for the wedding and planning it long distance)
3)Look over our budet and see if it is at all possible to have the wedding as scheduled, maybe a month or so earlier, and then move right after (given that we have visas and jobs in vancouver settled by then). This may be do able, especially if we can find a compromise where we scale down the guest list of our wedding some, without going to the extreme that FI suggested. This only concerns me in that we would have less cushion in our savings, as a lot of the non-wedding savings would be going to the move. This would also mean planning for both at the same time, which could be very stressful. Not sure how wise this is.
I know you will all be honest with me, am I being selfish in the way I'm looking at this? I'm not trying to be, I just think there is room for compromise. Which option would you choose? Any advice or alternative suggestions welcome! This is all such a big, grown-up issue, I'm not sure what the best decision is. Thanks for reading all this...sorry and thanks.