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Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Step Dad Issues

Hello Girls

Background info: My mother hosted a bridal shower for me 2 weeks ago and the day I was leaving (boarding the plane infact) she mentioned to me that her husband is offended that I didnt ask him to walk me down the aise. My mother married him less than a year ago and I can count on one hand how many times I have crossed paths with him. I dont have a dad and bc he doesnt have any kids of his own he assumed that we could fill in eachothers "missing pieces." The thing is I already asked my best friends dad to walk me down the aisle (has been there for me my whole life) and I wont "unask" him.

When my mother was finished saying that "HUSBAND feels so much of a father to you that he wanted to pay for your whole wedding"...my thoughts were "why didnt he bring that up months ago when we announced our engagement?" I feel it was my moms way of getting in the last word about her husbands feelings towards me though they didnt actually offer any financial support.

The conversation ended and all I said was that i didnt know if she was just venting or if she wanted me to respond...How, and I mean a suble way of doing it, should I incorporate my mom's husband into my wedding?

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BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013

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Re: Step Dad Issues

  • How about having him dance with you during the father/bride dance?  That would give him a little spotlight and I think it would be a fair compromise.

    Sucks to be in a situation like this.  Hope things work out.
  • Payment has nothing to do with who walks you down the aisle. If you want your best friend's dad to escort you, then that's your decision. (Another option would be to have your mother escort you.)

    Anyway, if you want to involve your step-dad, I would have him escort your mother during the processional. Get him a boutonniere and list him in the program under Parents of the Bride or Mother and Step-Father of the Bride. I would also consider dancing with him during the reception (maybe not a "Father-Daughter Dance," but you could pick a special song and have the DJ announce that it is for him ... does he have a favorite song or band?), or maybe asking him to give a dinner blessing or a toast.

    Maybe this is his way of trying to reach out to you. I wouldn't brush him aside completely. I would call your mom (and maybe include him on the line if possible) and just say, "I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. I am totally willing to talk about this, I just wish it hadn't been as I was boarding a plane when we couldn't discuss it calmly."
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  • This sounds like a tough situation, indeed! I wouldn't let him walk you down the aisle simply because he isn't your "dad" simply since he hasn't been there long enough to fulfill that type of position.

    Perhaps compromise. Allow your friends father to walk you down the aisle, put your step-father in the programs as such, and maybe have a dance with him AFTER the father/daughter dance...have a step-father dance. That is what I am having to do!
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  • Um speaking as somebody who does not like her step-dad let me say you are under NO obligation to incorporate your mother's choice of men into YOUR wedding.  Seriously I would be so offended if my mom asked me this.  Don't feel guilty and don't change anything even if he gives you some money.  My mom tries to pull that guilt crap. 
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  • I don't think you are under any obligation.  I wouldn't change your plans.  Let him walk your mother down the isle, put him in the program, include him in the line if you are having one, announce he and your mother when entering the reception, and let him dance with your mother during the bridal dance.  I personally wouldn't dance with him for the father daughter dance if you are having one.  Although he seems to very much want to form a strong relationship with you it just does not seem to be that way...maybe in the future.  However, as a gesture you could ask him to dance for a nice song just don't announce it and let others on the dance floor.  It should still mean a lot to him. 
  • The only other thought I have that may be a little different is this...if you are having a prayer before dinner Not a toast! but maybe a prayer, it would let him speak and "feel" like he has a major role, without having to make a big deal about him...Otherwise I agree with everyone else...its a little late in life and a litte short on effort to try and be "dad" now!
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