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Newly Engaged,, Why won't my mom be happy for me!?

Luke&Sam625Luke&Sam625
100 Comments
in Moms and Maids
I'm recently engaged to an incredible man.  We are both in the Military (I'm in the Navy, he's in the Marines). I told my dad first, he was excited, I told my mom, and its almost like she's mad that I had the nerve to get engaged.  We were originally planning a June wedding for 2011, but he found out recently he's getting deployed next spring for 5-6 months, so we moved the date to December 18th of this year. I mean. 9 months is still a perfectly reasonable time to plan a wedding right?! Everything so far has been an argument and I can't imagine going through 9 months of this. The best part.. My mom is a part time wedding consultant & floral designer.. but yet when it comes to her youngest daughter getting married.. she wants nothing to do with it. She comes up with every ridiculous excuse known to man kind.. I'm too young (I'll be 23 in September), I haven't been in the military long enough (What?! I've been in a year, in December over a year and a half), He's too far away (We don't exactly get to pick where we get stationed, and we can't get stationed together until we are married, I'm currently stationed in Washington State, He's in Japan), What will my friends say? (They're all happy Mom, Why aren't You!?), It's just not fair and I don't know what to do! She was supportive of my sister, and her (now ex) husband was an abusive alcoholic! At least my fiance has a steady job, and plans on staying in the Corps for the next 30 years. Please Help!!! I'm getting dehydrated from all the crying!!Cry
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Re: Newly Engaged,, Why won't my mom be happy for me!?

  • KnibletKniblet member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    First of all, take a deep breath.

    Second, are you and your FI paying for this?  Is your mom contributing financially in any way?


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Just take a deep breath and relax. I would give it a few days or weeks to sink in. News that her daughter is growing up, getting married, etc can be difficult for Moms to swallow. There are a lot of emotions running rampant right now. Give it time, then try to talk to her on a one-to-one basis and try to understand her point of view. If it stays like this, trust me, it is hard, but you and your FI may just have to do the planning and paying for it yourselves. My FI and are doing the same thing right now. My parents are totally uninvolved in any way, shape or form. I don't even know if my Mom will be at my wedding, but I am moving on and I would suggest if need be, you do the same too. You will get thru it.
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  • suz62984suz62984
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I know this can be frustrating. My mom was a huge pain in the butt for my brother's(marine) wedding. Is she supportive of the military? This was my mother's biggest problem. She hadn't accepted the military stuff yet and all of the sudden her kid was getting married. It could be that your mom was really supportive with your sister and then saw that she got divorced and now she is trying to make sure you think it through. Whatever the reason just don't talk about the wedding a whole lot with her. If she is paying you may consider trying to do this yourself. It will be tough but worth the headache!
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  • Maria222Maria222
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You need to ask her what the problem is.  I keep reading these posts about unhappy Moms.  It's not like you aren't fiancially secure or you're immature for God's sake!  You are in the military, so you have to be mature!  Maybe it has to do with your sister's marriage not working out.  Maybe she is being cautious because of that. I feel so sad when I read these posts.  You need to really sit down and have a heart to heart with her and find out what is going on. 
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  • SonaliPopSonaliPop member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Don't cry, bud. Have a glass of water and breathe in and out.

    Your Mom may feel stressed and upset because her baby is getting married and moving on with her life.

    Have a talk to her, tell her how much you need and want her support and help. Tell her that you want her to be a part of your big day and that you will always love her and you are having a hard time with how she is behaving right now. Just talk to her...take care of yourself...and, keep us posted!
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  • Luke&Sam625Luke&Sam625
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My Fiance and want to pay for as much as we can by our selves, and his parents want to contribute too, its just my parents who are usually very supportive that and unwilling to even talk about planning with me!
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  • tommyandytommyandy member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Let them get over the shock.  Wait at least 2 more weeks & then ask them to walk you down the aisle or something like that to get the wedding planning conversation started.  Once the lines of communication are back open, ask mom to go wedding dress shopping.  I would go with your BFF too.  If she refuses or backs out at the last minute, go margarita shopping with your BFF instead.  Then a week later go dress shopping & call mom to see if she wants to join.  No matter how often they turn you down, keep trying to include them.  It will suck big time while it happens, but you will be happy you did this time next year.
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  • tommyandytommyandy member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    As for today, drink lots of water & some gatorade & go for a run (or what ever your sport of choice is).  You will feel lots better.
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  • KimP1109KimP1109 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Aw. It's ok, really. I agree with the plan of drinking some water and relaxing, she'll come around. Take it one step at a time. It took my FMIL two weeks before the shock of it all wore off. Then everything was dandy.

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  • Tula214Tula214 member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My fiance was supposed to go into the Marines, and this made every tell me to not even DATE him. There are tons of military couples that are perfectly fine. As far as your age, I'm only 19. Why wait? Life is short, do what makes you happy.
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  • odelayodelay member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like a trust issue.  Perhaps your mom thinks the engagement won't last or you will change your mind?   I would say start planning on your own, figure out what type of wedding you want (I'm assuming you have to have a formal military wedding), start thinking of a guest list, and location.  Ask your mom how she wants to be involved (financially, helping with planning/going to appointments, just there for emotional support, or maybe she will just show up to the wedding).  I would not put too much pressure on her, but let her know that you need her to respect your decision about being in the military and getting married.  It took my mom a while to come around.  Oh btw yes 9 months is plenty of time to plan the wedding you want.  I'm doing mine in 7 months! 
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