So... I don't know what to do with my mother. Her and I have always had a challenging relationship, and she has never been the true mother that most girls hope for. I have learned to adjust myself to this and have been able to tolerate her actions.... until now... My best friend and I decided to have an engagement party for my FI and I, and she wanted to plan everything. She didn't want us to worry about a thing. She asked if she should include my parents in the planning for this, and I didn't object. My parents have been fairly supportive and excited about the upcoming party. From the bits I have heard, they are planning something fantastic and really great for FI and I. About two weeks ago, I receive and e-vite from my mom to a house party for Telestrations, and the date/time is listed as the same as my engagement party. I phoned her to get the scoop, and she explained that it was just a game, she HAD to do it that same night or she would never be picked for a house party again in the future. I told her I didn't have an issue, we could play the game during the engagement party, she could take pics and post/blog about it after. Everything should be great, right??? Wrong!!
One week ago, I hop on facebook to see that I have been invited to an event. This event was created by my mother, on the same date/time as my engagement party, now listing the title as Telestrations and Engagement Party. Not only that, but she has now invited people who I do not know, so they were clearly not on the engagement party invite list. Also, my MOH had paid for and sent formal invites to the guest list for this party. At home that night, my FI also expressed some concern about this new facebook event. His parents are coming to this party from out of town, as well as his sister. They have only met my family once. He is very concerned that my mom will have invited so many people that she will become more focused on her "friends" than us, our friends, or his family. This has happened before...
So, I called my mom and asked her to kindly cancel the facebook event. To this, she began screaming at me, calling me a selfish, self-centered "B" and a bridezilla. I told her I would like to explain why my FI and I wanted to facebook event cancelled, and repeatedly told her I had no issue with her still playing the house party game at our engagement party. She refused to listen to me, and continued to scream and call me names. She told me that I need to be the center of attention, and that she is tired of me.
Now, I understand there are always two sides to the story, so I went out of my way to confirm with others involved with the wedding to verify my mom's claims of my behavior. I know that they may have been lying to me, but all told me they thought I have been nothing but pleasant during the planning process thus far, and they have enjoyed being around me. They reaffirmed that at no point did they feel I was talking about my wedding too much. Another added detail, is that three months ago, my mom berated me that I wasn't including her and my dad in planning enough. They felt left out, and that should include them more. I am not sure how I went from one end of the spectrum to another!
It has now been a full week since the blow-up from my mom. She has not spoken to me since, however has been telling my friends and acquaintances that she has seen at our local theater (place our family volunteers at) how miserable I have been during the engagement party planning, and how big of a bridezilla I have been.
I know that my mom has always needed to be the center of attention, and I have on multiple occasions sacrificed events or recognition that should have been directed to me, but instead she has taken over. I guess I had hoped that this one thing, our wedding, she would have acknowledged it was about my FI and I, our family and friends second. I don't know what to do.... She has created so many hurt feelings from me and my FI... I don't know how to move forward.
