Have you experienced...

Re: Have you experienced...

• GJones27 member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  It's hard for me to pick an answer.  You know and understand the situation best, and you should go with what your gut says.  When I'm indecisive, I like to take out a piece of paper and list the pros and cons of one course of action and the pros and cons of the opposite action.  That helps put things into perspective, believe it or not.

  
  

  I think many brides face drama with the wedding party.  For example, my sister is my maid of honor, but she doesn't reply to any emails I send her asking what she thinks about X or Y with the wedding.  She claims it's because I never ask her about non-wedding stuff, though I have called her just to chat and she never answers or returns my calls.  But I'm not letting it become something where I yell at her or kick her out.

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• LeahVB2011

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  I agree that it's hard to really choose for that poll. I picked to not ask any because my motto is "when in doubt, don't commit". If you have reservations about someone being in the bridal party, it's better to wait. I would pray and ask God to reveal who should be in the bridal party, if anyone. I'm praying God will show you what to do

  

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• azdancer8 member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  I'd wait a bit longer before you choose your bridal party, if you do. The bridesmaids should be the people you want to stand beside you on this special day, not the people you feel "obligated" to ask. See if some of the drama settles down in the meantime.

  
  Married Bio

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• DramaGeek member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  First of all, if you haven't asked anyone to be in your wedding party then these people you're posting about are not bridesmaids.

  
  

  I am generally of the attitude that if *all* of your friends are suddenly in conflict with you, then you need to look at the common element - you.  Is it possible you are all wedding all the time with them, or that there is something else that you're doing that you may not even realize?

  
  

  I also don't think the fact that they're Christians has anything to do it, and I'm somewhat offended by the implication of surprise that the only friend you're not having problems with is Buddhist.  I think whether or not you have any bridesmaids is totally up to you, and should be a decision made independent of your fiance's decision.  If you've made any indication to these women that they will be in your wedding, and I assume you have because you're referring to them as BMs and MOH, then you really can't renege on that.

  
  

  I will definitely be praying for the situation!

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• AshNoel8

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  That's tough. I think you should try to talk to them before you make any decisions. I will pray! 

  

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• needle&thread member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  @DramaGeek
  
  Actually, I have gone out of my way 'not' to talk to them about the wedding--hence, I'm on The Knot.
   
  All the issues are not wedding related:  (## years=time being my friend)
  
  F#1(22 years)-job issue related (I haven't seen her since 12/10)
  F#2(15 years)-cahoots, job issue related (I haven't seen her since 10/10)
  F#3(37 years) distant about FI (has never met him)(I have seen her w/i the month)
  F#4(20 years) mad because I was sick and didn't call her (I haven't seen her since last summer)
  F#5(15 years) is not an issue (I haven't seen her in 7 years-Buddhist).
  
  There is hardly time for 'me' to be the issue. They assume they are my BMs because we have been friends sooooo long.  Yes, I have called them that in this blog--but there has been no formal...'will you be my BM or MOH' conversation.
  
  As far as you being offended by the assumption that I was surprised--I am sorry. 
  
  Exodus 20:3 (New King James Version)

  ³ “You shall have no other gods before Me.
  Matthew 11:6 (New King James Version)

  ⁶ And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.”
  1 John 4:4 (New King James Version)

  ⁴ You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

  
  F#5 has been my friend for 15 years...I'm not surprised by anything she does...Buddhist bring flowers and fruit to their god as a form of worship...so...
  Psalm 50:12 (New King James Version)
  “If I were hungry, I would not tell you; For the world is Mine, and all its fullness.
  
  ...is what God says.
  
  Just clarifying the situation...but thank you for your input.
  
  ps.  I love F#5 no different than the others...but I'm still trying to reach her with love.  Those that know the power of God, pray my strength in the Lord.

  S and CJ
  

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• iamjoesgurl member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  I would agree with the ladies that suggested waiting to ask anyone to be in the wedding.  I had family only in my wedding so there were a lot of friends who might have been hurt, but I couldn't have everyone in the wedding so I took that risk.  I hope that if you don't end up asking some of these women to be in the wedding that they will still be there for you and be understanding of your decision.  In the meantime, I'd wait and if they ask, just say that you haven't yet made a decision about your wedding party.

  
  

  I hope it all works out and will say a prayer for you.

  
  

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• AnniePanic

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_experienced?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:f8b7c311-a1fc-4b9b-b133-6d9e0fb7c97dPost:a4ab9d3e-743a-440e-80d6-10fe131ec6be">Re: Have you experienced...</a>:
  [QUOTE]I'd wait a bit longer before you choose your bridal party, if you do. The bridesmaids should be the people you want to stand beside you on this special day, not the people you feel "obligated" to ask. See if some of the drama settles down in the meantime.
  Posted by azdancer8[/QUOTE]
  
  Yes, this exactly. I realized the women in my life suddenly giving me drama when I got engaged too. I can't think of a single one I'd want to stand up with me, which is sad but true. I voted for don't have a bridal party! In my opinion picking and choosing amongst dramatic people just creates more drama.

  
  
  
  
  

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• DramaGeek member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with your friends.  It sounds like one of those, "with friends like these..." situations.  I don't think it's necessarily related to your wedding/getting engaged, just that these particular people are not the best choices for friends at the moment.  I don't know if I'm articulating that correctly.  In other words, the drama and your engagement are likely not connected; I bet you would have had drama with these people regardless.

  
  

  In your situation, I'd just not say anything about a bridal party and wait a while.  If they bring it up (which they shouldn't but they sound like the type who might), just tell them that you guys are still deciding on the style of wedding you want to have and you're not sure if you'll even have a bridal party.

  
  

  If you do want a BP but don't want the drama, what about having your families stand up with you?  A friend of mine did this at her wedding in March and it was lovely.  Everyone wore the black outfit of their choice (men were in tuxes, ladies in cocktail or evening dresses) and her family stood on her side and his family was on his side.  It was such a great symbol of what their marriage meant to them and how much of a role their families played in their lives.

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• joyfulbride424

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Yikes.
  
  If you're having such problems with them I wouldn't ask them. There is no harm in waiting either, things may change and you may become close with other people.

  
  Sage & Berries Blog

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• kitkat610 member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  I agree with PP that you would wait to make a decision until you are sure. I think that the answer will present itself in time. It did for me.
  I am only having my sister and my "little" (sorority thing). There a lot of friends that I have known longer and maybe better over the years, but when I thought about my wedding. She was the only one where I couldn't imagine standing up there without her (and my sister of  course).
  
  

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• needle&thread member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Now, my other dilemma is...I have no sisters, my mom is deceased (4/14 my wedding day is her b-day), all my grandparents are deceased, my cousins are more than a whole generation younger than I-young 20's late teens, I dont have aunts and my uncles are deceased...pretty pitiful...huh?
  
  I guess I need new friends...
  
  Thank you sooooo much guys...
  
  S and CJ

  S and CJ
  

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• joyfulbride424

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_experienced?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:f8b7c311-a1fc-4b9b-b133-6d9e0fb7c97dPost:0a2aadb4-73dc-4e45-8356-80399ed0ca9c">Re: Have you experienced...</a>:
  [QUOTE]Now, my other dilemma is...I have no sisters, my mom is deceased (4/14 my wedding day is her b-day), all my grandparents are deceased, my cousins are more than a whole generation younger than I-young 20's late teens, I dont have aunts and my uncles are deceased...<strong>pretty pitiful...huh? I guess I need new friends...</strong> Thank you sooooo much guys... S and CJ
  Posted by needle&thread[/QUOTE]
  
  1. That's not pitiful. That's life. A lot of my family is gone as well. Sometimes friends become family after time goes by. Plus your FI is going to become your family and you can create more family.
  
  2. You don't NEED friends. Don't make friends just for the sake of having them. I have learned to carefully choose my friends over the years, and it has served me well. Some people are just not meant to get along with others and that is just the way it is.
  
  I hope you can make a sound decision about your BMs. I pray that things work out for you and you are happy with the family and friends you have left, even though many are gone. Enjoy your wedding planning and don't let these things get in the way of the way of the fact that you are going to get married. :)

  
  Sage & Berries Blog

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• needle&thread member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  ...thank you sooooo much joyfulbride424...you made me feel better...
  
  S and CJ

  S and CJ
  

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