Feeling like the FI isn't excited..

mbishop7 · May 2012

My FI hasn't really contributed much to the wedding at all. It's slightly understandable because I am kind of a control freak and like things my way. He also says his opinion doesn't matter because I'll pick what I want.. (okay sort of true?!). He has helped pick a little of the music and cakes.

When I bring up the wedding is 100.. 50.. days away, he makes smart remarks like "day of no return" or "ohhhh joy". It's like he's not taking it seriously or almost like he doesn't care that it's a special day. He's said he just wants to get to the reception so he can drink with his guys.

I know his heart is in it, he wants to get married.. but a little more excitement that WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!! Please!? Anyone else feel this?

jaime10285 · May 2012

FI says he just wants it over. But he means, he just wants to be married. He's not into all the planning but he does want to be married. I think guys just handle things differently. I also think there is the expectation that the guy is "doomed" by getting married, just like there is the expectation that the bride has been planning her wedding since she was 6. Talk to him about it and see if he's just putting up a front or if he's actually concerned. Don't focus on the wedding but see how he feels about the actual marriage.

SoSaysTara · May 2012

I think it is really easy for brides to kill the excitement of the wedding for the grooms by not allowing it to be a day planned by BOTH of you. If he doesn't feel ownership in the day, he's not going to be excited about the actual wedding.

Maybe stop focusing so much on the wedding planning, and start focusing on talking to him about how excited you are to be HIS WIFE (not just his bride). Talk about things that you are excited about happening in MARRIAGE. Is there anything that's going to change once you marry? Moving in together? Buying a house? Trying for kids? Putting one name on the mailbox? Anything? Stop talking about how excited you are for the party, and start focusing on what matters.

That's how you'll guage if there is really a problem. If he's not happy/excited about the marriage part, then you have problems to worry about.. but if it's just the wedding he's not excited about, let's face it.. that's just not a big deal!

ryaneann · May 2012

My Fi wasn't really involved in the planning, either. He had a "just let me know what it's costing me" attitude. If i bring up how many days are left he doesn't make comments as your FI does, but he isn't noticably excited, either. He mostly talks about how he is ready to be married and can't wait for that, but not so much about the wedding itlsef. I agree with PP that guys are just different, and I wold talk to him. As long as he is excited for the marriage and ready for that, then you don't have to worry.

Nshivers · May 2012

At first, FI wasn't excited.. but now that we're 1 month away and we're getting RSVPs back and all, he's getting more and more excited. In his own way of course! Our excited (countdowns, showers) definitely doesn't match his.. but at least now he's talking about his bachelor party!! lol

kristin183 · May 2012

My FI makes remarks like that... but he is a smartass so it doesn't really get to me. It is his personality. He has helped me quite a bit; I am a bit of a control freak but I wanted to make sure this was about the two of us. So I gave him a list of things to do with some direction and also included him in most of the decisions. If I have my heart set on something I would tell him this is what I am thinking.. and run it past him. Most of the time he likes my ideas; he told me if he didn't like something he would speak up.

Wedding planning is different for guys; I am sure he loves you otherwise you wouldn't be getting married.. and I am not sure what his personality is like.. but if he is anything like my FI (smartass) then I wouldn't take it to personal... that is my FI's way of teasing me.

brittneyh4 · May 2012

FI is the exact same way, but I think he just sees how much money is going out and he's stressed. He knows the next gradual step is kids, and he thinks I want them on the honeymoon, lol.

I like Tara's advice. Focus more on the excitement of the marriage and not the wedding. This is FI second marriage and I always felt like he's already done this so who cares, but that's not the case. A lot of men aren't about the details, and you're a control freak like me who wants all the details specifically her way, which is why FI told me "You're gonna pick what you want anyway, so do exactly what you want. You know I'll like it". You know his style, so try to incorporate something he'll really enjoy (FI is a big hunter/outdoors guy, so my garter is camo with a little deer charm on it). Little details like that will bring him in a bit.

FI also just decided to get wildly involved with the reception. We're now doing a choreographed dance to that Applebottom jeans song.... lol.

acaponi87 · May 2012

Have you let him know that it hurts your feelings when he says stuff like that?

"I think you are joking but when you refer to our wedding as the "day of no return" it hurts my feelings, like you don't actually want to be married to me. Is that the case?"

My FI and I are both excited for the wedding to get here and be done. He woke me up last night and said that he had a really, really bad dream. I asked him what happened (I was expecting snakes or death or something lol) and he was like "you didn't want to marry me". So even though he may not be super excited and have a countdown going or anything, I know he is excited to start our marriage.

aor9487 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_feeling-like-the-fi-isnt-excited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:35b5e152-2d74-4493-ac53-c57d2741d862Post:26e264af-2ae0-4bb5-865f-6519443c0545">Re: Feeling like the FI isn't excited..</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>My FI makes remarks like that... but he is a smartass so it doesn't really get to me. It is his personality</strong>. He has helped me quite a bit; I am a bit of a control freak but I wanted to make sure this was about the two of us. So I gave him a list of things to do with some direction and also included him in most of the decisions. If I have my heart set on something I would tell him this is what I am thinking.. and run it past him. Most of the time he likes my ideas; he told me if he didn't like something he would speak up. Wedding planning is different for guys; I am sure he loves you otherwise you wouldn't be getting married.. and I am not sure what his personality is like.. but if he is anything like my FI (smartass) then I wouldn't take it to personal... that is my FI's way of teasing me.
Posted by kristin183[/QUOTE]

<div>Exactly the same way my FI is. I countdown the days and he goes 'oh joy' or 'oh, I'll definitely be crying as you walk down the aisle' (in his smartass, sarcastic voice)<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" /> lol but I accept it. He was super excited at first, like right after proposing, but I think it's just worn off a bit and now he goes "why didn't we just elope?" oh well! I'm sure the excitement will resurface the day of!</div>

MoonlightSilver · May 2012

I can tell when my FI is getting overwhelmed with wedding talk. It happened this weekend, so I've vowed to myself that I will NOT mention our wedding again after today, until Friday!! It's very difficult, but I know it will make him more excited later if I'm not bugging him every day about wedding this and wedding that.

mbishop7 · May 2012

Thanks guys, I think talking about being married, rather than the wedding, will really help chill him out and open up. He hates that I'm ingulfed in wedding stuff!

Melissa603 · May 2012

What I found that helped is I asked FI what appointments he wanted to go to. He wanted to go to the cake tasted and the dinner tasting. He didn't have any interest in the flower appointment so I didn't make him go to it. To help keep him interested I didn't try to overload him and let him know when I needed help. I also gave him a heads up "Hey later tonight we are going to X for the wedding and I need your help"

I also found a project that we could do together, making our card box, and it was something that he really liked because it was crafty, yet hands on and he really liked building it.

For us it has been a matter of finding a balance of not hitting wedding overload.

Ash61612 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_feeling-like-the-fi-isnt-excited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:35b5e152-2d74-4493-ac53-c57d2741d862Post:e6343edd-126b-48c4-8aa4-44d3d175ab79">Re: Feeling like the FI isn't excited..</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>FI says he just wants it over. But he means, he just wants to be married. He's not into all the planning but he does want to be married. </strong> I think guys just handle things differently. I also think there is the expectation that the guy is "doomed" by getting married, just like there is the expectation that the bride has been planning her wedding since she was 6. Talk to him about it and see if he's just putting up a front or if he's actually concerned. Don't focus on the wedding but see how he feels about the actual marriage.
Posted by jaime10285[/QUOTE]

this is how FI is. He is ready to get married but could care less about the details. He is so stressed studying for his boards, he doesn't have time to get excited about the wedding. Yes it stinks but I know he loves me and this boards will determine his future and his job.

MMRoberts11 · May 2012

I think sometimes weddings and planning for them are a lot for guys to handle. Most guys don't really care about flowers or centerpieces and things like that and for weddings they suddenly get all of it thrown at them. Plus, most guys just want to have the day and move on with it.
I would suggest limiting talking about the planning process with him and try to just think about the future. Also, remember to have fun. Have you gone on any dates lately or even just had no wedding talk/planning days? I think that would help.

Feeling like the FI isn't excited..

Re: Feeling like the FI isn't excited..

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