Disinviting Guests...Kind of Long

Re: Disinviting Guests...Kind of Long

• M1ssJ member

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  I think it's a little bit in poor taste to disinvite them regardless of their actions that you disapprove of. Disinviting them will mean the absolute end of your friendship. Is that something you're prepared to do? I know its annoying when ppl dont make the events surrounding your wedding but.... in the grand scheme of things people have other priorities than our weddings.
  
  HTH

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• Ksk2012

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_disinviting-guestskind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:dadc74f5-b3e3-4d74-8126-e1a93d42e712Post:ebd6a8f2-9dcc-4b24-a2b4-686f35b4621b">Re: Disinviting Guests...Kind of Long</a>:
  [QUOTE]I think it's a little bit in poor taste to disinvite them regardless of their actions that you disapprove of. Disinviting them will mean the absolute end of your friendship. Is that something you're prepared to do? I know its annoying when ppl dont make the events surrounding your wedding but.... in the grand scheme of things people have other priorities than our weddings. HTH
  Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]
  
  
  I agree

  

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• shaneikaw member

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  I can understand where your'e coming from it do make you feel sad b/c you thought you could depend on them, but there may be other reasons why they didn't make it also.  I've found that around a time that a woman start planning her wedding friends and family members that you thought would and should be happy for you can't b/c of their own jealousy that you didn't even know existed. I would invite them and just keep it moving you just know how to deal with them now.

  

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• CaramelBride973

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  I don't want people drop everything for my wedding. I am not that type of person I was just taken aback by my one friend kind of just backing out like that. I kind of feel like with that friend she probably won't even come to the wedding. My friend that said she couldn't make because of work was fine with me but I just didn't like the way the conversation went one the phone the next day after the shower. I was fine w/ her not coming I didn't give a second thought to it until our conversation the next day. I guess my feeling were just hurt because I have had these friend since high school and are supposed to be my closest friend but my friends I have known for a shorter amount of time showed more of an effort.

  

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• djscat

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_disinviting-guestskind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:dadc74f5-b3e3-4d74-8126-e1a93d42e712Post:27b14d9b-4c64-4bea-b65f-34d22b06de79">Disinviting Guests...Kind of Long</a>:
  [QUOTE]So I just had my surprise bridal shower thanksgiving weekend. Now that I had my shower I think I can kind of see  that some friends I thought were my friends may not be as good a friend as I thought. So I found out one of my "friends" was going to come but then she said she had a babysitter for her 4 kids and she wanted to go out to celebrate her b-day. Her b-day was 12/3 and plus I saw on fb that she still went out for her b-day last weekend. I felt like that was messed up and a poor excuse b/c who parties at 3:00 in the afternoon! Then I had a couple people just not show up. Too make things worse another friends calls me the next day and goes sorry I couldn't make it. Now they had already told me she couldn't make it b/c she had to work so I was fine w/ that. But my friend calls me and was kind of like making excuses. Then she goes well why did they plan it around Christmas and black friday because she had to buy my daughters gifts and she just kept going on and on. In my mind I am like I am the bride why are you telling me this. I had people I didn't even know that was on FI side come to the shower and I had a friend that wasn't able to make it still send a gift and call. My closest friends are the onese who disappointed me. Anywho I kind of already decided to disinvite the one friend that couldn't make it b/c she had to go party and I am not sure if I should still invite my other friend. I know that this is bad etiquette b/c I sent them a STD. Is it really bad to disinvite someone or just not send them an invite?<strong> Or am I just being a bridezilla?</strong>
  Posted by CaramelBride973[/QUOTE]
  
  
  In a word yes.  Take the high road and do what you already know is the right thing to do.  Regardless of the way your girls act you need to conduct yourself as a lady at all times.  To disinvite them is petty.
  
  Edit: Let me clarify my statement above.  I don't think you are being a bridezilla for feeling that way. I think you would be acting like a bridezilla if you disinvited them.

  

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• MsAmeera25 member

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  I really don't have any advice, but I will say I understand how you feel. I don't think you are being a bridezilla for feeling the way you do. 

   

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• MrsBoss2012

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  I say they should still be invited because as you stated you already sent the STD. I would also invite them and let them choose if they come or not. At least you took the high road. It sucks that friends do that to us but like PP said not everyone is as into our wedding as we are.
  
  I hope it works out with your friends.

  

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• 2010Bride2be

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_disinviting-guestskind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:dadc74f5-b3e3-4d74-8126-e1a93d42e712Post:27b14d9b-4c64-4bea-b65f-34d22b06de79">Disinviting Guests...Kind of Long</a>:
  [QUOTE]So I just had my surprise bridal shower thanksgiving weekend. Now that I had my shower I think I can kind of see  that some friends I thought were my friends may not be as good a friend as I thought. So I found out one of my "friends" was going to come but then she said she had a babysitter for her 4 kids and she wanted to go out to celebrate her b-day. Her b-day was 12/3 and plus I saw on fb that she still went out for her b-day last weekend. I felt like that was messed up and a poor excuse b/c who parties at 3:00 in the afternoon! Then I had a couple people just not show up. Too make things worse another friends calls me the next day and goes sorry I couldn't make it. Now they had already told me she couldn't make it b/c she had to work so I was fine w/ that. But my friend calls me and was kind of like making excuses. Then she goes well why did they plan it around Christmas and black friday because she had to buy my daughters gifts and she just kept going on and on. In my mind I am like I am the bride why are you telling me this. I had people I didn't even know that was on FI side come to the shower and I had a friend that wasn't able to make it still send a gift and call. My closest friends are the onese who disappointed me. Anywho I kind of already decided to disinvite the one friend that couldn't make it b/c she had to go party and I am not sure if I should still invite my other friend. I know that this is bad etiquette b/c I sent them a STD. Is it really bad to disinvite someone or just not send them an invite? Or <strong>am I just being a bridezilla?
  </strong>Posted by CaramelBride973[/QUOTE]
  
  Yes.
  
  I understand it was your bridal shower and you were disappointed that your friends chose other events to attend. You said you already know that the world doesnt stop for your wedding. People get offers to do things all the time. Its up to them which events they choose to attend.
  
  Its not a good idea to uninvite a guest to your wedding over something like this. If you do decide to uninvite them, be prepared for the friendship to end. If you are not prepared for this, then you will need to get over the fact they didn't attend your shower and move on.

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• Carla1019

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  I understand your disappointment but I would also like to add another view that may or may not apply. Some people do not attend gift giving parties if they feel they can not afford a gift for you.
  
  In my younger broke college days I didn't attend a friend's baby shower because I couldn't afford a gift. I was living off of cereal for days. She was so disappointed and I finally swallowed my pride and told her why I didn't come. She never knew I felt that way. Now this might not be the case for your friend but I just want you to understand that there are other factors we may not know when it comes to our friends.

  Wedding date July 7, 2012

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• egammo3

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_disinviting-guestskind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:dadc74f5-b3e3-4d74-8126-e1a93d42e712Post:71bbc70a-38a6-4638-b40f-bdb85acc454c">Re: Disinviting Guests...Kind of Long</a>:
  [QUOTE]I understand your disappointment but I would also like to add another view that may or may not apply. Some people do not attend gift giving parties if they feel they can not afford a gift for you. In my younger broke college days I didn't attend a friend's baby shower because I couldn't afford a gift. I was living off of cereal for days. She was so disappointed and I finally swallowed my pride and told her why I didn't come. She never knew I felt that way. Now this might not be the case for your friend but I just want you to understand that there are other factors we may not know when it comes to our friends.
  Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]
  
  I 100% agree with this. There are other unknown factors that may have contributed to her decision not to come.

  

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• 2010Bride2be

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_disinviting-guestskind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:dadc74f5-b3e3-4d74-8126-e1a93d42e712Post:71bbc70a-38a6-4638-b40f-bdb85acc454c">Re: Disinviting Guests...Kind of Long</a>:
  [QUOTE]I understand your disappointment but I would also like to add another view that may or may not apply. Some people do not attend gift giving parties if they feel they can not afford a gift for you. In my younger broke college days I didn't attend a friend's baby shower because I couldn't afford a gift. I was living off of cereal for days. She was so disappointed and I finally swallowed my pride and told her why I didn't come. She never knew I felt that way. Now this might not be the case for your friend but I just want you to understand that there are other factors we may not know when it comes to our friends.
  Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]
  
  This! I never thought about it this way, but it is so true!

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• MrsJenrette

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_disinviting-guestskind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:dadc74f5-b3e3-4d74-8126-e1a93d42e712Post:b4edd0cc-4305-4329-a3d4-e64470714b97">Re: Disinviting Guests...Kind of Long</a>:
  [QUOTE]I get that there can be other factors. I told my other friend you know it was fine and you could have come w/o a gift but whatever I can let that go. I am not a selfish person like that or think that b/c it is my wedding everything should stop and everything should be about me. I know life doesn't work that way. I think w/ the other friend that wanted to party is was more than her not having the money. <strong>She literally went out and partied that weekend and the next. I just think that she was being selfish.</strong> Now if she would have told she couldn't make it because of no money I would completely understand. I know how this friend is and I am really questioning our friendship. Before the bridal show I was questioning our friendship but I feel like I kind of see how she is. I appreciate you ladies being honest w/ me I will invite my other friend but I still have to think hard about the one friend that had to go party. Fi and my other best friend and my mother were like I shouldn't bother inviting her but I will see.
  Posted by CaramelBride973[/QUOTE]
  
  I completely understand how you must feel, but I do agree with PP. There are many reasons why she didn't go to your shower, including the ones that were already mentioned.
  
  True homegirl went out and partied.. but it was to celebrate her birthday.. and who said that SHE paid for the festivities that she attended? It very well could've been something that was planned for her that she didn't know about and was just taken to as a surprise. Being upset that she wanted to go out and party to celebrate her birthday, instead of coming to your bridal shower sounds selfish to me. If she had told you that she had plans to go and celebrate her birthday on the same day as your shower, it sounds like you would still be disappointed.
  
  No one really has to tell you why they can't or didn't come to your shower... like others have said.. no one outside of ourselves as brides are really that wrapped up in the wedding euphoria. You really just have to roll with the punches.. Hell there's a possibility that there are people that will RSVP to your wedding, and NOT show up... it's just how it is sometimes
  
  I will say that it would be an uber bridezilla move to uninvite someone just because they didn't come to your shower.. even the one who went out and partied.
  
  IMHO..

  

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• CaramelBride973

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  I get that there can be other factors. I told my other friend you know it was fine and you could have come w/o a gift but whatever I can let that go. I am not a selfish person like that or think that b/c it is my wedding everything should stop and everything should be about me. I know life doesn't work that way. I think w/ the other friend that wanted to party is was more than her not having the money. She literally went out and partied that weekend and the next. I just think that she was being selfish. Now if she would have told she couldn't make it because of no money I would completely understand. I know how this friend is and I am really questioning our friendship. Before the bridal show I was questioning our friendship but I feel like I kind of see how she is. I appreciate you ladies being honest w/ me I will invite my other friend but I still have to think hard about the one friend that had to go party. Fi and my other best friend and my mother were like I shouldn't bother inviting her but I will see.

  

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• M1ssJ member

  

  December 2011 edited December 2011

  Caramel , I know where you are coming from believe me I do!!! Its so hurtful

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• GLENNSEASE member

  

  December 2011

  I say disinvite if you want its your day theres nothing worse than walking down the aisle and seeing someone you really dont want there. your day, your choice as long as your fi doesnt have a problem with it check them off.  i am so sick of the wedding rules for guest if brides have to worry about their guest feelings send them the bill!smile good luck

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