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Christian Weddings

Pre-Marital Partnership with Married Couple?

During the course of our engagement, I have been reading about the counseling process, and my FI and I decided that we want to have a married couple "partner" with us, eat dinner, have coffee, talk about marriage issues, get advice from them etc.  Our idea is that by getting to know this one couple and them (hopefully) opening up to us to share things that they went through as newlyweds, having children, raising children, and later into the marriage, that we will have someone who can help advise us through the engagement and perhaps into the marriage as well.  

We have asked a couple that is in my church who have a strong marriage and 2 children, and they have said yes.  We're not envisioning any particular print material beyond what the pastor advises us to do, but we feel like talking (on more than a surface level) with a married couple can help us to start out on a strong footing.  

Have any of you done anything like this, or considered doing something like this?  Did you find it helpful, worth your time, etc?   What kinds of things did you do as activities with your partner couple?  Did they come to any of your pre-marital counseling sessions as support?  

Lots of questions here... any answers or ideas you have would be great!! 

Post edited because it didn't read very well the first time. :-) 
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Re: Pre-Marital Partnership with Married Couple?

  • edited December 2011
    Love the idea - we don't really know anyone that lives near us that they could do that. I have to say I'm a little jealous :) you'll have to post how that goes.
  • That really sounds like a great idea!!  We're not doing that and probably couldn't just because FI is moving to AR soon and I'm staying here - but that really sounds cool and I'm anxious to hear the outcome as well!!


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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Do you mean the idea of a mentorship? There are a few couples in my church who do this (almost like a Bible study group, but it's very small and intimate, and young couples are paired up with older couples and it's very relationship based). It seems to work very well for them and I know many of the couples encourage others to do it as well.
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah - I guess like a mentorship, that is probably a better word for it, LOL!  I've not heard of anyone in my church doing this before, but I've read about it in a lot of Christian books and online and it sounds like a really good idea to us... at least in theory! 
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  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    We did our counseling (or pre-marital preparation) with a couple who has been married for 40+ years.  They run an organization in our town called the Marriage Resource Center.  I loved doing sessions with them because we got both the male and female perspectives on everything.  Also, they role played for us and it wasn't things that were just made up - it was real life situations.  

    One of them was regarding the remote control and how they have agreed to leave it on the table between their recliners while watching TV but he kept picking it up and then falling asleep with it in his lap.  She was so frustrated that he wasn't doing what they agreed to and she couldn't reach the remote after he had fallen asleep.  So they talked it out and modeled how to clearly communicate without hurting feelings and how to actively listen. 

    We still get together with this couple after being married for a year and a half.  Now it is just fellowship time, but it is also fun to see how they interact and how they make things work after being married all of these years.

    I highly recommend some type of pre-marital preparation that pairs you up with a married couple.

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  • edited December 2011
    Wow, that sounds exactly like what I am thinking about, Lisa!  Maybe I can talk with the pastor about what he suggests on incorporating this married couple on some things like that!  
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  • edited December 2011
    I don't know who we could do that with, but I love the idea! Definitely let us know how it goes! 
  • seventh7altoseventh7alto member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That sounds like a great idea :)
    It makes me think of how, even though we're getting the counseling from just our pastor, he is constantly bringing in real-life examples from his own marriage with his wife, talking about both good and bad things that they've learned from. It's great to hear from someone who's been there, been there for a while, and still is there :)
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  • edited December 2011
    I've actually thought about doing this with a couple that I absolutely love in our church.  I haven't asked them yet, because I guess I'm nervous or I don't know how to ask.  I'm also not sure what kind of time they will have now as they just took on the junior high ministry.  But, it's definitly something that FI and I have been discussing.
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, it wasn't easy to ask but I just approached it from the standpoint of "we need someone we can talk to during our pre-marital counseling who has already been through the newlywed stage, with children, and people that we can just chat about being married, etc to help us start strong."  She loved the idea and was actually honored that we had asked.  Rehearsing "questions" like this make me nervous, so I just went for it and it was fine.  Awkwardness was gone because I already have a bit of a connection to her since we're both altos in the church choir... well actually vocally I am a soprano, but I enjoy the ladies in the alto section a bit more, so I sing the top alto part... :-) 

    Ah, rambling, I just got back from a trip and need to get some sleep but alas, sleep eludes me. 
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