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SUPER glad I found this board!

princessv_95031princessv_95031 member
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in Second Weddings
Its so awesome to know that I'm not the only one who is on a little bit of an emotional roller coaster with the fanily craziness thats going on, surrounding this "not being the first time".

This is my third, his first. My first, I was 19, he was military, it ended as soon as it started. My second, he passed away from cancer 3 1/2 months after we wed.

I feel like I'm on cloud 9 with someone I can look forward to a long healthy life with; we're going to try for kids, and buy and house...and build a future together, which are things I never got to do before.

I hate the fact that "some" people are treating my wedding like a circus act, saying "it's not like it's your first trip down the aisle"  or 'not your first rodeo" and while it may be true, its still hurtful. I have no response to that. No quick witted shot back to shut them up. I have a few others who give me a hard time for spending money on things like a dress (same ones who told me it isnt proper to wear white) or that I should just wear the same dress I wore last time.

Do you any of you ladies have this going on? How are you dealing with it?
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Re: SUPER glad I found this board!

  • mmhepbmmhepb
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to the boards. 
     It can be hard balancing your own feelings of "not my first time" without having to deal with everyone else's comments. 
    Stick around here because there's a lot of great advice being passed around.  I'm still at the receiveing advice stage, not too confident about giving a lot of it yet ;~) 
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  • rapunnzzllrapunnzzll
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    One of the best things to remember is that it is your first with fi.

    I have a few people that have made comments, and my older sister acts like it's just a bother.  The only reason this hurts me is because until a recently, we were best friends.  FMIL had said a few things when we first started planning but she hasn't for a long time and is always happy to have us share things with her.

    So sorry you have to deal with things like that and attitudes like that.  It isn't easy.  I think that limiting what you share with those that have a bad attitude might help you avoid those hurt feelings.

    Hang in there, welcome and congrats!
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  • Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011

    I'm in your fiance's place, and my fiance is in your place: my fiance's 3rd marriage, my first.

    I don't think he's getting the tough stuff you are, but if he was, he wouldn't tell me. We are planning a small-ish (100 people, small by many knot standards) elegant wedding.

    Your fiance should not be denied a wedding to YOU that marks the first time YOU TWO are getting married. Just let the negative comments roll off your back..........

    If it continues, ask the "commenters" if the second, third, or 4th birth of a child was any less special. I doubt they'd say "yes". Each child is anticipated with love, as each wedding should be. If it continues, just say "pfffffffttt" to yourself and move on.


    And, welcome & congrats!

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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    First, let me say that I am so sorry for the loss of your second husband (and actually that your first one didn't work out, but that's a different kind of issue). 

    Ok, so now on to happier subjects.  Many of us on the SW board have perfected "the death stare."  This is very similar to the stare your mom probably gave you when you were outta line in public.  You know the one; the next step was you were in big trouble and everyone was heading home, so you straightened up. 

    And you must also perfect, along with this stare, the sickly sweet tone of voice "well, I really don't think you meant to say that out loud, did you? Bless your heart."    Or  "Why does it matter to you, bless your heart."   Bless your heart is a Southern expression that we use here to insult someone without them knowing it.  "She is as ugly as they come, bless her heart."      And those responses can be used as I used them when my sister asked "Well, you're not going to wear white, ARE YOU?"  Bless her heart. 

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  • iluvmy0341iluvmy0341
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Some people on both sides of our families are acting like that, but we eloped and pissed everyone off, so this is just a vow renewal ceremony. But it's 50/50, his dad/stepmom are super excited, helping plan everything, and his mother refuses to attend. My grandmother is saying it's "not Catholic" to elope and we're going to hell because of it. My dad's excited when he talks to his friends and us, but after he gets through talking to his mother, he's not so happy...not that he ever goes to mass!

    Screw them. As long as you two are happy, that's all that matters :-)

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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    Uh, retread, huh?

    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • PhoenixMamaPhoenixMama
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    LOL  handfast4me, that's awesome!  And so true with that saying. 

    princessv_95031, *hugs*  I'm in a similiar boat.  My 3rd, his 1st.  I am so sorry for the loss of your 2nd husband.  *hugs* 

    I'm new here too, and the advice given has been awesome and very helpful with organizing my emotions to this.

    When I first started thinking marriage with my FI, I was actually shocked that I was thinking it, because I never thought I'd WANT to marry again, let alone, WANT to do the whole white wedding thing again.  But my FI is a rare gem and amazing, and I really want him to have the special "white" wedding and the awesome reception party, etc. 

    My past shouldn't tarnish this amazing and special day for US.  It being my 3rd doesn't make it any less special to my heart, and I may tell people that.

    So, we could help support each other in this same position. :D  Welcome to this board.  :D  I'm very new here, but already this is one of the first boards I check because everyone is so awesome, supportive and nice here.  :D
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    princessv_95031, sorry to hear about the loss of your second husband ((hugs))...

    Congratulations and welcome to the board! 

    I agree with handfast - develop an icy stare, question them in a sickly sweet voice and if they continue down the path of being negative change the subject to something way off.  Ask if they have tried the "bean dip" or salsa or wine - what ever.  Then make a note to yourself not to discuss wedding planning with them.

    If a vendor is rude - leave their establishment and problem solved - they don't get your business or your money.
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