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1 Wedding and 1 Celebration...

kisheyface1110kisheyface1110
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I am incredibly blessed and still have 2 of my great grandparents alive (and I am very close to them.) Unfortunately they live in Minnesota and I'm in California and they can't get on a plane and come to the wedding. Majority of my dads side of the family is in MN so in order to save them money on travel and so my grandparents can join we've decided to have a celebration ceremony after our wedding there.

Is it rude to not invite that part of the family to the actual wedding here in CA? It's a huge family and I really want my great grandparents to be apart of the family celebration so the reception in MN would still be a big deal. I'm just worried people will be offended that they're not going to see the ceremony. Or do we do another ceremony there too so people can see and essentially get married twice (can you even do that?) I really don't want to offend anyone and trying to make it work so my great grandparents can be involved...

Suggestions? Ideas? A good slap in the face? ;)
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Re: 1 Wedding and 1 Celebration...

  • shellydiane820shellydiane820 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    You can't get married twice unless you get divorced in between.  That being said, have you thought about just having a wedding in MN?  I think this two wedding thing is sort of ridiculous.
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  • Brie2010Brie2010 member
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    Ditto shelly.  Why not have the whole shindig in MN?

    But yeah, you can't get married twice, legally, and I'd be kind of insulted if you got married in CA and then pretended to get married again in MN, unless you outright call it a vow renewal (which is fine).  People aren't stupid and it's not the same.  If you have to have the wedding in CA, call whatever you do in MN a reception or a celebration party or a  vow renewal--not a wedding.
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You really shouldn't do two ceremonies.  The second one just won't be as meaningful because, well, it's not real, you're already married.  It's a hot topic around here so be prepared!  :)

    I think it's fine to get married in CA and invite everyone you want to come, and also hold a 2nd reception in MN for your great grandparents and family there.  The way I've seen it done before is to go ahead and invite everyone to the real thing in CA and have a reception insert that lists the reception info for both places, CA and MN, that way people can choose which one they want to attend. 

    Another option is to set up a live feed of your CA ceremony that your GGPs can watch in MN.  I think Amoro here did that, she might have advice for you there.
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited June 2010
    They're not my favorite thing in the world, but I think an at-home reception, if done tastefully, can be fine. It's not a wedding though -- it's a post wedding party. If you remember that and don't get too caught up in having a second pretty princess day, then you'll be fine.

    And please, please don't have a [eta: second] wedding -- that's grody.
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  • mags0607mags0607
    1000 Comments
    I am not a big fan of a normal size wedding and then another larger reception after. I just think you run into trouble of who to invite to what, and dealing with people feeling slighted if they were only invited to the celebration and not the wedding itself. 

    I think that the family that is able to travel will be upset if they aren't included in the wedding itself. You never know who is going to make the trip until you invite them. Some people will surprise you.

    I don't think its your intention, but having a celebration with those not invited to the wedding can come across as gift-grabby.

    I understand wanting your great grandparents to be part of the celebration, but I don't think its a good idea. Plus, the reception is the expensive part of any wedding, essentially having two receptions will greatly increase the cost. Just something to think about.

    Could you set up a web cam for the great grandparents so that you can stream the ceremony and they will still get to be part of it? I know some other knotties have done this and its worked out great.
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  • mimandjonmimandjon
    100 Comments
    Why not just have the whole thing in Minnesota?
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  • crfischecrfische member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Minnesota's awesome. Just get married there.
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Oh duh, yeah the obvious question is, why not just do the whole thing in MN?  People do travel for weddings so your friends from CA would likely come to MN for the wedding.  We had people come to Indiana from NY, AZ, NV, FL, and more I'm sure.
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  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    1000 Comments
    i agree, one wedding only.  You could do a vow renewal in MN after your wedding, but I think those are so lame when you do them right after you got married.  You could do wedding in CA, party to celebrate in MN, but I think you still need to invite the family from MN that can travel to the CA wedding.   If I were your MN family, I'd be very offended if I were not invited to your actual wedding. 

    You situation is tough, but if you have the "real" wedding in CA, I think you have to invite everyone.  I know you want to include your great grandparents, and if that is the case, i really think you should consider shelly's idea of doing the wedding in MN to begin with.  The fact is you can't have it both ways.  So you have to decide:  wedding in CA without great grandparents or wedding in MN with great grandparents.
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  • TheCranberryTheCranberry member
    1000 Comments
    I think you have to invite everyone to the wedding in CA and let people know that you will have a reception in Minnesota for the people who can't come to CA (or who want to come to both).

    My uncle got married in Sandals, and only a few close friends and family went.  Then he and his wife had a reception in Atlanta when they got back from their honeymoon.  They had a large screen that showed video of the wedding and photos from the wedding and honeymoon on a loop throughout the dancing portion of the evening (without sound) so people could experience that.  I don't remember if it was a buffet or sit down dinner, but it was basically a wedding reception without the ceremony part.  His wife wore a white dress, but it wasn't the huge wedding gown type.  I don't remember if they called it a wedding reception or just a party.  In the invitations they specifically said something like "our gift is your presence at our celebration" so they didn't do a registry or expect gifts or anything.  My family loves any excuse to get together so it was a fun time. 
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  • golden1215golden1215 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    what crfische said!

    but really, invite everyone to the real one- wherever you have it- those who can come will come and have another elegant party in MN if your grandparents really want it.  But I'd invite everyone in MN to the MN party- even if they came to CA for the real one...
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I think should have one wedding and invite everyone - great grandparents included. Then stream the wedding over the internet so they can see it. Send them some pictures and maybe your bouquet. Or have a small BBQ or something in MN after the wedding for them and other family members.

    Honestly, my fiance's grandmother won't be able to travel for our wedding and... well, that's just how it is.
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  • kisheyface1110kisheyface1110
    10 Comments
    Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I like the streaming the ceremony idea so that way my Great Grandparents can see it as well. And for health reasons  my mother cannot fly to MN and I refuse to get married without her there. Plus her side of the family is here and in Mexico and I know majority of my uncles and aunts couldn't afford to fly there.

    I definitely didn't like the idea of having another ceremony. It seems too weird and I don't have any intentions of putting my dress back on for this event and being a "princess" again (although I refuse to be one regardless.. just not my style). We planned it to be a country farm style reception with no more than 50-60 people with my grandparents (not the greats) hosting. And by all means the reception is definitely not an excuse for more gifts.
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_1-wedding-1-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3f8fbb96-af3c-486a-b834-d4c439166782Post:2417f3e6-4806-4ac1-9e08-3944acd0a7f1">Re: 1 Wedding and 1 Celebration...</a>:
    [QUOTE] We planned it to be a country farm style reception with no more than 50-60 people with my grandparents (not the greats) hosting.
    Posted by kisheyface1110[/QUOTE]

    I think that sounds like a good plan.  Just consider whether those 50-60 people would want to be invited to the wedding in CA as well.
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