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No response card.

berbmberbm member
Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
in New Jersey
I just got the invite to my (male) cousin's wedding in October and there was no response card included in the envelope.  Oversight or something I don't know?  The reception card said something at the bottom like "the favor of a reply is requested".   I'm confused.  There's no RSVP date on the reception card yet it mentions a reply.  By all accounts this is going to be a very (very) nice black tie optional wedding so I'm wondering if in certain circles response cards are not done.  I've just never been invited to a wedding without getting a response card to send back.  How do I reply?  Write a letter to the address on the back of the envelope?  I don't even know which of my future cousin in law's parents live at that address (they're both listed on the invitation but they're divorced).  This must just be a mistake, right?           
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Re: No response card.

  • Heather822Heather822
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like a mistake.
    Why don't you just call your cousin to see how should *formally* reply... or his FI if you are close...?
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  • AllieCat16AllieCat16
    Eighth Anniversary 100 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    is your cousin not from this part of the country? when I was in my friend from new orleans wedding last october, she did not include a RSVP card in my invite...I figured that was because I was in the wp so it was a given that I was coming. When I mentioned it to her she said they don't do RSVP cards down there
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  • Laurms15Laurms15 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    The inclusion of a response card is more of a new tradition. Origionally people were expected to do as you said write a note letting the host (aka the address on the envelope) know that they were going to be attending the wedding.  So basically it was a write your own response. Then people started including the response cards to make it easier and probably in hope of hearing from more people.

    The only reason I thought MAYBE it was don on purpose and that you were supposed to write the response yourself was because you said it was a very very formal wedding. So their invite person or planner may have suggested doing the invites in the most traditional fashion. However it could also be an oversite.

    I'd call them and ask either A let them know on the phone or B find out if they want you to write your response or C some people have online responses....is that a possibility?
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  • mariaNryan mariaNryan
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would call and ask them about it!
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  • jrgoogrljrgoogrl
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Definitely call and find out.
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  • kwilkinson14kwilkinson14
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree that you should call and find out how to appropriately respond.
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    He may be doing it the traditional way, like Laurie said, which would be for you to write back on your own stationery (or a note card):

    Miss Berbm Knottie and Mr. Hotlips Fiance kindly accept the invitation of Miss Girl Bride and Mr. Cousin Groom to attend their wedding on October 1, 2010.

    Or Miss Berbm Knottie and Mr. Hotlips Fiance must regretfully decline the invitation of blah blah blah.

    Or you could just call him and verbally respond, or ask what you should do, if you wish.

    Actually, who issued the invite? Is it from the bride's parents, all four parents, or the couple themselves? Technically you're supposed to write back to the people who sent it (Miss Berbm Knottie and Mr. Hotlips Fiance kindly accept the invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Brides Parents to attend the wedding of their daughter on October 1, 2010) but I'm sure that if you send it to your cousin and his FI they can pass that on to whoever's collecting the RSVPs.

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  • TuffysMommieTuffysMommie
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    As LaursM said, the addition of a response card is a (fairly) new thing.  In my eyes, it was added as sort of a slap in the face because it presumed the recipient of the invite wouldn't know how to write a proper response.  And then it caught on, and now pre-postaged, pre-printed cards are the norm.

    A quick google search brought up this page from the Knot - there is proper writing that should be included on your response.


    It is:

    Mr. and Mrs. George Lynch
    accept with pleasure [or "gladly accept"]
    the invitation of
    Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Damone [the names at the top of the invitation; the hosts]
    for Saturday, August 30
    at one o' clock in the afternoon.


    I honestly wish more people did this.  A card where an 'X' marks acceptance or decline is just so....I dunno...bland.  Then again, I love formal stationery and paper goods and announcements and whatnot, so seeing handwritten responses is so much prettier than pre-printed cards.
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  • uppereastgirluppereastgirl member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    As others said, I'd imagine he's going the very formal traditional route -- write a response back on your own stationery.  And as tuffysmommie said, I think it is a kind of cool choice.
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  • andreapnycandreapnyc member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    check this out, it tells you how respond formally (its from Cranes, which i refer to when i have any etiquette questions)

    Replies to formal invitations should be sent within three days of your receipt of the invitation or before the reply date given on the invitation. They are handwritten in black ink on the first page of ecru or white letter sheets. (Letter sheets have a fold along the left-hand side, like formal wedding invitations.) The replies are written in the third person and follow the format of the invitation. They are sent to the persons issuing the invitation. If more than one name or couple are listed, the replies are sent to whomever is listed first on the invitation.


    Acceptances repeat the date and time. Regrets repeat just the date and may include a brief reason for not being able to accept. Mentioning the event is optional. If you do mention the event use
    on” before the date. Otherwise, use “for”.


    ACCEPTANCE


    Mr. and Mrs. Taylor Randall Carr
    accept with pleasure
    the kind invitation of
    Mr. and Mrs. Travis
    to dinner
    on Saturday, the sixth of June
    at six o’clock

    REGRET


    Mr. and Mrs. Taylor Randall Carr
    regret that because of a previous commitment
    they are unable to accept
    the kind invitation of
    Mr. and Mrs. Travis
    for Saturday, the sixth of June

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  • berbmberbm member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for your feedback ladies.  Good to know it wasn't a mistake (so I don't make a total fool of myself, lol).  I will send a note in reply and I'll also call my cousin.    
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