Where? Who? Why?

HKD817 · October 2010

Where did all these traditions come from? by who? and why?

Its so annoying that everyone looks shocked when I tell them that FI and I are not participating in half of the customs/traditions that usually take place at a wedding.

Candle lighting, sand ceremony, written vows, garter toss, bouquet toss, cake cutting, WP dance, dollar dance, wedding in a church, etc.

JenO24 · October 2010

Of the items you listed...we only did half of them...it's your guys wedding and you should make it your own whether you follow strick tradition or not!

Candle lighting - NO
Sand ceremony - YES
Written vows - YES (we wrote our vows together)
Garter toss - NO
Bouquet toss - YES (but added at the last minute)
Cake cutting - YES (who doesnt like yummy cake!)
WP dance - NO
Dollar dance - NO
Church wedding - NO (beach wedding baby!!!)

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

We did a unity cocktail instead of sand or a candle, and while we "wrote" our own vows, we more or less came up with them on the spot. We did a "cake" cutting (we actually had giant cookies in tiers), but then again, we also cut and served the cake for all of our guests, not just us. Personally, I like the tradition of cutting the cake, and the symbolism of feeding each other your first "meal" as a married couple.

We didn't do any of the other stuff. Things like the tosses, the WP dance, and the dollar dance are dying out anyway.

jessienjeremy · October 2010

We aren't doing all the traditional stuff either

Candle lighting - NO
Sand ceremony - NO
Written vows - No. I really like the ones the pastor will use
Garter toss - YES
Bouquet toss - YES
Cake cutting - YES
WP dance - NO
Dollar dance - NO ( we are doing shots instead... figured alcohol will be better)
Church wedding - NO Family owns venue so one less cost

[Deleted User] · October 2010

Remember, some of these things are just the wedding industry trying to make lots of money off of people that are too naive to know half of them aren't needed.

Candle lighting No, not allowed in our church
sand ceremony Nope
written vows Nope, weren't allowed to write our own bc we got married in the Catholic church
garter toss Yes
bouquet toss Yes
cake cutting Yes
WP dance Nope, they would have killed us
dollar dance Yes, H wanted it
wedding in a church Yes, very important to us both. And in the Catholic faith, it is one of the sacraments

rurounimon · October 2010

My FI and I are agnostic and have been together for over 9 years... so wedding "traditions" aren't that important to us. Like for the ceremony, we want to keep it simple and sweet by having our own vows without having religion play into it. For the reception, I think it'll be fun to keep the cake cutting though!

Snufflyfluffy · October 2010

The only shocked looks I get is from my FI's family when we told them we were having a dry wedding (neither of us drink and don't want a bunch of drunks at the wedding). But we are doing things how we want to, not how tradition tells us to, although sometimes that matches up

Ashes_3 · October 2010

We aren't doing all of them. Most are Christian Traditions. You don't have to do them!!!

Candle lighting -Dunno
Sand ceremony - No
Written vows - Yes
Garter toss -Yes
Bouquet toss - Yes
Cake cutting - Yes
WP dance - NO
Dollar dance - NO
Church wedding - NO

megk8oz · October 2010

The only thing on your list that we actually did was a cake cutting. Because ... well, we wanted to. That's all I got, lol.

Everything else seemed silly to us (And the Dollar Dance is just not done in my area at all), so we skipped it.

One thing that really helped me out with people being "shocked" was just not telling them what we were and weren't doing. Aside from not getting married in a church (There was really no way to "hide" that we weren't, since we had to let people know where the ceremony was), we just didn't talk about that stuff, and by the time the wedding was over, everybody had such a good time, they seriously didn't even notice that we skipped most of that stuff.

jess9802 · October 2010

Candle lighting - No
Sand ceremony - No
Written vows - No
Garter toss - No
Bouquet toss - No
Cake cutting - Yes
WP dance - No
Dollar dance - No
Wedding in a church - No
Wedding party - No

That last one is the one that surprises people the most. Even my freaking therapist raised an eyebrow when I mentioned not having a MOH. I just told her that I'm in my 30s, and I'm not a princess. I don't need attendants.

Lisa50 · October 2010

Some of these are regional traditions, others come from the wedding industry (see MissySue20's comments).

From your list, here's what we're are/are not doing:

Candle lighting .... No
Sand ceremony ... No
Written vows ... Yes. I don't think either of us want to handle this impromptu
Garter toss ... No
Bouquet toss ... No
Cake cutting ... Yes. FI wants to do it.
WP dance .. No
Dollar dance ... No
Wedding in a church ... No

2dBride · October 2010

And of course, many of these "traditions" are not even traditional for many people:

Candle lighting-not traditional in Jewish ceremonies; we didn't do.
Sand ceremony-not traditional in Jewish ceremonies; we didn't do.
Written vows-any vows at all are not traditional in Jewish ceremonies. We used the declarations and vows from the Church of England service in our ceremony.
Garter toss-We didn't do.
Bouquet toss-We didn't do.
Cake cutting-We did this one.
WP dance-We didn't do.
Dollar dance-not traditional in Jewish ceremonies; we didn't do.
Wedding in a church--not actually traditional in Jewish ceremonies. Traditionally, weddings were done outside, with only the chuppah (wedding canopy) between the couple and the sky. We had ours in a synagogue, though.

I-am-me · October 2010

Where they come from is a good question. Below I've written which ones we're doing. From what I understand, the candle lighting is an old Christian tradition; not sure where it originated. I think the sand ceremony is newer, at least in this country, as a modern twist on the candle lighting. Not sure where/when it started. Vows, no idea, probably just people wanting to personalize their traditional religious ceremonies. Garter toss, I believe comes from the ancient tradition of "stripping the bride" where guests would follow her and the groom to their bedchamber afterward and strip off her clothes to hasten the consummation of the marriage. Something like that, anyway - not sure where or when, but it's barbarian enough that I don't want any relic of it at my wedding. Bouquet toss, I've probably read about but I don't remember. Not sure about the rest either, except of course that the church wedding is because marriage began as a religious sacrament.

Candle lighting .... No
Sand ceremony ... Yes (I like the symbolism better than the candle because each grain of sand maintains its uniqueness even while they are combined to form something new and beautiful)
Written vows ... Yes. It's important to me and fi's going along with it.
Garter toss ... No. No WAY is anybody going up anybody's dress in front of all those people (that can wait 'til later

)
Bouquet toss ... Yes, unless the girls tell me not to.
Cake cutting ... Yes. I wanted to.
WP dance .. No. I don't want to put them on the spot like that.
Dollar dance ... No. I hadn't heard of it until I started planning and I think it's tacky.
Wedding in a church ... No. I've always wanted it outside and we're agnostic (much to my family's disappointment).

We are also doing a dry wedding, which rose the most eyebrows (and outright argument), particularly from my family.

Where? Who? Why?

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