May 2012 Weddings

FMIL = Bridezilla? Vent... again.

I posted a few days ago about FMIL wanting to invite randoms to "fill space at our wedding" and so "FI and I can get more gifts" all because several guests have stated they will not be coming due to cost or other obligations.

She called today to tell FI she did not want her BFF to come to the wedding anymore and to not send her an invite. She said this because her BFF said she would be coming to our wedding ever since we got engaged over a year ago and then when she recently calculated all of the travel costs she realized it would be too much to come to our wedding and take a family vacation in February. FMIL hung up on her BFF when she heard this and has not spoken to her since.

FMIL wants to unitive her to the wedding and invite other people in her BFF (and her husband's) place. FI explained he didn't feel right about doing this because we already sent her a STD. FMIL explained that they were "no longer friends" and that "she (FMIL) was never speaking to her again." FI asked FMIL what she would do if we did invite other people in her BFF (and her husband's) place what would happen if they suddenly made up and now the guest list added 2 more people that were unplanned for. FI explained to her that we can't plan on people not coming because plans and financial situations can change. 

She didn't care as she is adamant that those saying they won't come will not. She figures that 8 or so from FI's side won't be coming so she has that many "spaces to fill." She starts listing friends that FI has never met nor heard his mother mention before. She also mentions her uncle and his wife who she recently saw when they visited other family a few months ago for the first time in 20 yrs. FI said that FMIL never would have mentioned them had they not visited. She then says that she had to "cut people off from her original list". 

Completely untrue. She gave us her list over the course of several months, we did not give her a specific number, she told us it was final on several occasions. Therefore our wedding has been budgeted for our original list. It's just annoying that she is being such a drama queen and (again) missing the point of our wedding. On one hand I see how she feels about her friend but she is acting like an immature high school girl about it. It's not that she is inviting people she wants to be present on her son's wedding day but people who can come to our wedding to give us a gift in the place of those unable to come but that still send a gift. Her un-etiquette-ness makes me feel very icky.

Thank you ladies for listening! I know that I am really lucky she doesn't ask me these questions (that would be awkward!!!) and that FI handles her so well and doesn't give in to her whims! I bet she will call this week and say her and her BFF made up or she will have the exact same conversation with FI that they had today...
imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers

Re: FMIL = Bridezilla? Vent... again.

  • I am so sorry you are going through this!  I hope everything works out
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • tell her that if people say they cant come you are replacing them with dolls, the seats are still taken.

    Its still takes money to feed the replacement people, and being replacement people,
    i'd rather save the money and spend it elsewhere....like on pretty earrings or better favors or something. (even if you dont want to spend it elsewhere, she doesnt need to know that you dont have uses for the money saved). 

    Just tell her she can cut whoever she wants (but she better be darn sure because its pretty tacky and reflects badly not only on her but on you), but she doesnt get to replace them, its not her wedding end of story.

    May 2012 July Siggy: Favorite Vacation Spot Kaleden, BC
    July Fave Vacation Spot photo IMG_0268-1.jpg

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    My Blog:Through My Eyes

  • kimberlykhkimberlykh member
    500 Comments
    edited January 2012
    Seriously do people ever grow up?  My mom had a "fight" with her friend and told me that she probably wasn't coming anymore, but to still invite her.  Then about a week or two later they "made up" and said she'd probably be there.  I was like, um aren't you 65 years old?! I was embarrassed for them.  Ugh, I hate drama!!

    Sorry you're going through that.  I would rather just stick to the original guest list and save some money.  Good luck.
  • Ugh, sounds totally annoying - good for your FI for sticking his(your?) ground.
    photo trex2_zps7ab4e9b0.jpg
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Yes, definitely sounds annoying. I hope everything works out & your FMIL understands where you & your FI are coming from! GL :)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_fmil-bridezilla-vent-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:5192c1c3-b8e0-45a1-a27c-220041825c6ePost:7e4950e4-ec26-4679-a41f-c327c4f9256b">Re: FMIL = Bridezilla? Vent... again.</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>tell her that if people say they cant come you are replacing them with dolls,</strong> the seats are still taken. Its still takes money to feed the replacement people, and being replacement people, i'd rather save the money and spend it elsewhere....like on pretty earrings or better favors or something. (even if you dont want to spend it elsewhere, she doesnt need to know that you dont have uses for the money saved).  Just tell her she can cut whoever she wants (but she better be darn sure because its pretty tacky and reflects badly not only on her but on you), but she doesnt get to replace them, its not her wedding end of story.
    Posted by toothpastechica[/QUOTE]

    Hahaha I love this :)
    Follow Me (and my wedding!) on Pinterest
    50 in 2012 Reading Challenge: 2 books read
    my read shelf:

    Katie Rizzo's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I am sorry you have to go through. I hope everything works out. 
    image
  • Sorry this is happening to you. I feel like as we all get closer to the wedding day,  more unnessesary dramam happens for no reason!
    image
  • Ugh, I'm sorry you have to deal with that drama!  I don't know if it's just me, but I think it's really strange to invite your parents' friends that you've never met to your wedding in the first place.  I don't know who's paying for your wedding and what not, maybe that's a regional thing?  Even if either set of parents was significantly contributing to our wedding, I don't think they would invite people that we didn't know to our wedding just so they had friends there.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_fmil-bridezilla-vent-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:5192c1c3-b8e0-45a1-a27c-220041825c6ePost:0677d4c7-e27a-4a09-aceb-9de62cd7a6f4">Re: FMIL = Bridezilla? Vent... again.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry this is happening to you. I feel like as we all get closer to the wedding day,  more unnessesary dramam happens for no reason!
    Posted by FutureMrsSheeler[/QUOTE]

    Theres actually lots of reasons, people unintentionally sabatoging things because they are not keeping the focus on the people who the focus should be on...(not to be bridezilla, but it IS supposed to be YOUR wedding), and parents having trouble emotionally adjusting to having no say in your life...even if you have been moved out for 30 years, its still hard for parents to admit that they are losing control (even if its just arbitrary) and have to let you be an adult without thier say in eveyrthing. And even friends emotionally sabatoge things as a way of dealing with thier friend moving away from them as they move closer to thier FI emotionally. It sucks, but its a pretty natural human reaction to change....I guess at some point in history it served a purpose, but this day and age unfortunatly it causes a lot of drama and hurt and conflict. :(

    May 2012 July Siggy: Favorite Vacation Spot Kaleden, BC
    July Fave Vacation Spot photo IMG_0268-1.jpg

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    My Blog:Through My Eyes

  • So sorry you are having to deal with all of this.  I do agree with pp's that as the wedding gets closer, things start to get more drama oriented.  
    I think FI and I may have completely disregarded etiquette but, we didn't give our parents the option of inviting their friends!!  LOL  We basically planned for family and that's it!  So, we never had to deal with getting lists, or cutting guests based on our parents choices.  Bad etiquette or not, I am feeling pretty good about that decision right about now!!  :)
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards