wedding party gifts

samanthajeremy · April 2011

I'm having a bit of difficulty figuring out what to get my 2 sisters, one is my personal attendent and one is a reader. I've already bought custom picture frames for them but still feel I need something else. I was thinking around $20 for each other them, any suggestions?

MyNameIsNot · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-party-gifts-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a52bf5d9-6684-404d-8090-88e3d7819619Post:3df1a757-80a5-4bf5-923d-a6c9dbd25bbf">wedding party gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having a bit of difficulty figuring out what to get my 2 sisters, one is my personal attendent and one is a reader. I've already bought custom picture frames for them but still feel I need something else. I was thinking around $20 for each other them, any suggestions?
Posted by samanthajeremy[/QUOTE]

<div>For gifts, shop like it is their birthday. Since we don't know your sisters, we have no idea what a good gift would be for them.</div><div>
</div><div>For the personal attendant, you should pay her the going rate for that service. That's a vendor, like a wedding planner or a DJ, not something you ask a friend to do as a favor. If you're having someone miss out on your wedding to do this, you need to be writing them a check. </div>

AdeleDazeem · April 2011

Shop like it's their birthday. You don't need to buy something "wedding-y," buy something they will LIKE.

What do they like?? Gift certificates to a place they like to shop is a good place to start.

I bought my sister a white gold necklace because she likes jewelery. I also considered getting her concert tickets because she loves U2, but couldn't find anything.

teachermegs · April 2011

Maybe a stupid question, what is a "personal attendent'? I got married and didn't have one.

I gave my MOH a gift card for her fav store because she was out of state and couldn't take much back with her. We got BM a cooler/chair for fishing and he used it on the beach the next day!

samanthajeremy · April 2011

My personal attendent just helps me get ready, helps me hold up my dress at the reception so I can go to the bathroom, she's also taking care of paying the vendors the day of. I've got all the checks ready to go but I've put her in charge of passing out the moeny so I dont' have to worry about it. Alot of time personal attendents are just an extention of MOH.

teachermegs · April 2011

Thanks for that information.
I could go to the restroom on my own.
I had BM pay for things that we didn't pay before hand. I didn't know this had to be a different person.

stitchingchica · April 2011

Personal attendants are kind of like an unofficial BM, they help out whereever needed just as the BMs and MOH do. And they don't miss the wedding, they attend like a guest, just with a backstage pass, so to speak. I would NOT give my personal attendant a check, that would be really odd to me. I would give them something along the lines of a bridemaid's gift, just a little less since they're not technically in the wedding party. I made the choice to not have a personal attendant, but that's what I would do, giftwise. Since they are both sisters, try to give them equal-sized gifts.

samanthajeremy · April 2011

First of all, my sister asks to have this position. Second of all, I'd rather be a personal attendent that spend an ass load of money on a dress, shoes, hair and makeup, showers, parties you name it. You are still involved with all the wedding aspects but at a much cheaper cost to yourself.

I'm also not going to pay my sister in a check, this seems absolutly absorb it me. I'm not asking her to be at my beck and call all night, I'm not a bridezilla so I don't need her to fetch me a drink either. In fact, I'd rather do it myself and get to enjoy my day not get stuck talking to the same person all night because I can't get away!

jessicabessica · April 2011

I don't see anything weirder about a personal attendant (as OP and stichingchica described it) than about a bridal party in general. Sure, all bridesmaids are expected to do is get a dress, but usually there's also the rehearsal, at least attending a shower/b party (if not helping organize), and other primping-related things for the actual wedding day. I could definitely see some people preferring to have a set list of tasks on the actual wedding day, such as giving out tips to vendors, as their way of helping the bride instead of having to do the bridesmaid stuff and stand there. Both roles have the potential to be abused by bridezillas, but I don't think that having either bridesmaids or personal attendants necessarily signals that a bride is off the deep end.

Anyway, OP, like others have said, shop like it's their birthdays. I wouldn't get them a wedding-related gift, so if the picture frame is for a wedding photo, you definitely should get something just for them as the rest of their gifts.

Summer2011Bride · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-party-gifts-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a52bf5d9-6684-404d-8090-88e3d7819619Post:4f970569-b468-4370-ad90-5fceab8a99f2">Re: wedding party gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, my sister asks to have this position. Second of all, I'd rather be a personal attendent that spend an ass load of money on a dress, shoes, hair and makeup, showers, parties you name it. You are still involved with all the wedding aspects but at a much cheaper cost to yourself. I'm also not going to pay my sister in a check,<strong> this seems absolutly absorb it </strong>me. I'm not asking her to be at my beck and call all night, I'm not a bridezilla so I don't need her to fetch me a drink either. In fact, I'd rather do it myself and get to enjoy my day not get stuck talking to the same person all night because I can't get away!
Posted by samanthajeremy[/QUOTE]

What's "absolutely absorb it"? Did you mean exorbitant???

I think it's kind of presumptuous that you think your sisters/friends are so desperate just to be a part of your day that they would take any job you had for them. If they don't want to be a BM or reader, which are both honors IMO, then guest is also an honor. I'm curious, what "jobs" do you think your PA should do? If you're not asking her to do anything but just follow you around, that's kind of crappy. That would be the most boring thing ever and you don't even get to be in pictures or wear a special dress or anything. PLUS the costs you say are associated with being a BM are really only the dress and shoes. Hair and makeup being professionally done should be optional, and if you require them, you pay. Showers are OPTIONAL.

AdeleDazeem · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-party-gifts-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a52bf5d9-6684-404d-8090-88e3d7819619Post:4d9fdfee-4f3e-467f-804d-9201d62a020f">Re: wedding party gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]My personal attendent just helps me get ready, helps me hold up my dress at the reception so I can go to the bathroom, she's also taking care of paying the vendors the day of. I've got all the checks ready to go but I've put her in charge of passing out the moeny so I dont' have to worry about it. Alot of time personal attendents are just an extention of MOH.
Posted by samanthajeremy[/QUOTE]

Oh geebus.

I'm sure your PA is jumping with excitement at the thought of "holding up your dress while you pee." I can imagine no greater honor.

My MOH's only job is to show up in a dress. She doesn't need to worry about paying vendors or helping me pee. I'm a big girl who's paying vendors ahead of time and picked a dress that will allow me to be an independent being. I didn't want to saddle anyone with these ridiculous problems because they are no one's problems but mine and my fiance's.

"Extension of MOH"... ::rolls eyes::

WinterWed17 · April 2011

There's so much judgement going on in this thread.

MyNameIsNot · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-party-gifts-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a52bf5d9-6684-404d-8090-88e3d7819619Post:4f970569-b468-4370-ad90-5fceab8a99f2">Re: wedding party gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all, my sister asks to have this position. Second of all, I'd rather be a personal attendent that spend an ass load of money on a dress, shoes, hair and makeup, showers, parties you name it. You are still involved with all the wedding aspects but at a much cheaper cost to yourself. I'm also not going to pay my sister in a check, <strong>this seems absolutly absorb it me</strong>. I'm not asking her to be at my beck and call all night, I'm not a bridezilla so I don't need her to fetch me a drink either. In fact, I'd rather do it myself and get to enjoy my day not get stuck talking to the same person all night because I can't get away!
Posted by samanthajeremy[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Awesome. Absorb it. </div><div>
</div><div>And by the way, expecting your BMs to spend money on shoes, hair, make up, showers, and parties is the definition of a bridezilla. Those things are ALL optional, and if they choose to do them, it is a gift to you.</div><div>
</div><div>If you are ok with taking advantage of your sister in this way, that's on you and your conscience. But what you are asking her to do is to be a staff person at your wedding, and you should be paying her for this. What you describe is basically a day of coordinator, and it's not cheap, nor is it enjoyable. To hint that treating her this way is not a bridezilla or selfish move is delusional.
</div>

stitchingchica · April 2011

I agree with WinterWed17 and I have your back, samanthajeremy.

The question posed here is not whether or not a personal attendant is the bride's b*tch, its not whether or not the bride's sister is honored to be a personal attendant or if any personal attendant is honored. That is completely subjective. Some people hate to be bridesmaids or personal attendants and aren't happy, some live for it, and most of us fall somewhere in the spectrum.

The truth is that there is documentation to show that people enjoy weddings more when they feel they have a stake in it. If I had a sister, and she was getting married, I WOULD feel honored to be there for small, special parts of her day. Even knowing I was needed and trusted with the most mundane errands, I was helping with a day important to someone I loved. That's family, and that's love. I know people don't feel its an honor to help someone go pee. I wouldn't feel that way about a college friend or cousin or something like that. But I have a few choice women in my life that I would happily do anything for to make their big day special, and I think everyone needs to just relax a little.

If you hate the idea of personal attendant, don't have one! I don't have one. But she's got a sister who wanted to be part of her day, and why does spending time with your sister on her wedding day have to be mundane and tedious when they've probably spent their lives doing small things like this for each other.

It's an honor. It may be abused by some, but let's give it a rest.

AdeleDazeem · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_wedding-party-gifts-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a52bf5d9-6684-404d-8090-88e3d7819619Post:13d398fc-8375-45a6-8e07-909b48148591">Re: wedding party gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with WinterWed17 and I have your back, samanthajeremy. The question posed here is not whether or not a personal attendant is the bride's b*tch, its not whether or not the bride's sister is honored to be a personal attendant or if any personal attendant is honored. That is completely subjective. Some people hate to be bridesmaids or personal attendants and aren't happy, some live for it, and most of us fall somewhere in the spectrum. The truth is that there is documentation to show that people enjoy weddings more when they feel they have a stake in it. If I had a sister, and she was getting married, I WOULD feel honored to be there for small, special parts of her day. Even knowing I was needed and trusted with the most mundane errands, I was helping with a day important to someone I loved. That's family, and that's love. I know people don't feel its an honor to help someone go pee. I wouldn't feel that way about a college friend or cousin or something like that. But I have a few choice women in my life that I would happily do anything for to make their big day special, and I think everyone needs to just relax a little. If you hate the idea of personal attendant, don't have one! I don't have one. But she's got a sister who wanted to be part of her day, and why does spending time with your sister on her wedding day have to be mundane and tedious when they've probably spent their lives doing small things like this for each other. It's an honor. It may be abused by some, but let's give it a rest.
Posted by stitchingchica[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the lecture, Mom.

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