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indifferent about wedding plans

TrueBellaTrueBella
10 Comments
in Wedding Woes
im feeling so alone rite now. maybe its not the norm but i like to include my fiance into planning. its not just my wedding its his as well. we just got engaged last week and we were both on cloud 9. now hes acting wierd and indifferent about planning.

i brought up some of the things i wanted to do and talk about the rings and dresses i was looking at and he just moaned and groaned and told me its whatever i wanted to do, its like he didnt wanna talk about it. it kinda hurts my feelings and its like he doesnt even care.
 
its to the point where i dont wanna talk about wedding stuff with him anymore. unless i need him for something.

when i told him  this he tried to show a little interest but then quickly resorted back to his own world.

i feel like its just gonna be me planning and as long as he shows up in a suit with the ring in hand he has done his part. its only been a week since our engagement and im already feeling overwhelmed with the details and we're not gettin married until january! i can only imagine the wreck i will be by then if i havent killed anyone by that time.

its not like im asking him to go dress shopping with me i just want him to show interest atleast. just venting some. feel a little better.
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Re: indifferent about wedding plans

  • psichickpsichick
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    you really expect him to be interested in flowers, colors, favors and dresses? lol  yea good luck with that! haha no really, most guys don't care about that stuff.

    if he's anything like my FI he'll do better responding to concrete examples or ideas that you put forward, not just general topics. also try to find out what it is that he IS interested in, and ask him specifically for help in that area. try things like the play list, guest list, stuff like that. once things get a little more concrete rather than just general ideas i bet he'll come around. he's probably also a little overwhelmed by all that needs to be done, it can be a bit scary!
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  • entwinedloveentwinedlove member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My finance is very indifferent as well. He doesn't care time, place, who's there, anything. I can't even get any answer from him about what he'd want to eat. I know not to expect any sort of answer for flowers or colors or anything, but come on, not even an opinion on food?

    Good luck and congrats on the recent engagement, by the way. Smile
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Baby steps.  Talk about the general- how much (MOST important), what size and where, what is your priority (food, music, booze).  Then drop it.  Research and narrow down and then talk to him again.  Give him concrete timelines of when big things need to be done- pick a hall, photog, etc.  Give him a yask to run with.

    If none of this works then accept your DH is more interested in the marriage.  There is nothing wrong with that.
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    6 is right. FI is totally uninterested in most of the wedding planning. The things he was interested in -the people, the food, the place- he gets a big say in, because I'm happy he has an opinion on something. We agreed on a place and the people, and the food we've had to go back and forth on since the podunk town I'm from doesn't exactly offer a lot of tasty PR food.
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  • eav2ceav2c
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well, since y'all are newly engaged, he might just be thrown off by everything. It's probably a lot for him to handle. Us women, are ready to jump right into the wedding planning while the men are like turtles.

    My FI took awhile to open up to wedding planning. We've been engaged for six months and only recentely has he expressed any care about our wedding. Men seem to get overwhelmed by wedding planning--and who can blame them? We kind of just throw ourselves into wedding planning as if nothing else exists.

    My FI flat out told me that the only things he was concerned about were the ceremony  & reception location & food (of course!). Other than that, I'm relatively free to do whatever I want (flowers, decor, etc.). Before I decide upon something, I quick run it by him. I've learned that if he doesn't say anything at all that it's "GOOD" and if he does then that means he doesn't like something!

    Remember that men probably didn't envision their wedding day throughiout their childhood and colors themes dont matter to them like they do to us. Just enjoy the planning process... Run things by him and make sure he's there for the big things (talking to vendors, signing contracts, etc). But, don't let it bother you... Maybe the best thing to do is take a breather from wedding planning since y'all just got engaged. Both of you need time to breath and relax and just enjoy being engaged...!

    Good luck.
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  • TrueBellaTrueBella
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_indifferent-wedding-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:9e4f0fa9-bfd9-4a7b-a178-b3c35d8525a4Post:72ed4dc7-7691-47c7-974d-1b623a352a2c">Re: indifferent about wedding plans</a>:
    [QUOTE]you really expect him to be interested in flowers, colors, favors and dresses? lol  yea good luck with that! haha no really, most guys don't care about that stuff. if he's anything like my FI he'll do better responding to concrete examples or ideas that you put forward, not just general topics. also try to find out what it is that he IS interested in, and ask him specifically for help in that area. try things like the play list, guest list, stuff like that. once things get a little more concrete rather than just general ideas i bet he'll come around. he's probably also a little overwhelmed by all that needs to be done, it can be a bit scary!
    Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]

    i wasnt expecting him to be into colors and flowers etc. i havent even asked him about that. but i did expect some input on the bigger things. rings, location, ppl attending, budget etc. since we're not getting married until january, right now i just wanted general feedback on things he liked or didnt like to see what would fit us as a couple, but i see now this might be a little over his head and ill probably have to take over with things, and get his feedback when needed on key issues.
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  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I had this problem with DH and it was really getting on my nerves.  I sat down with him and basically said that it was his wedding too (and we both agreed that what we were doing was what both of us wanted) and if he wanted it to come together he had to help me out.  I was planning on scraping the whole thing if he continued to act like he didn't care.  It was a big issue for us because I felt like he wanted these things but didn't want to do any of the work to make them happen.

    I asked him what was important to him, he gave me a few things he cared about, and he handled those things.

    To me, it just wasn't going to happen without his assistance.  I told him how I felt, he apologized for being so ambivalent, and we went from there.  I didn't really care that he wasn't interested in planning-it was his wedding too therefore his responsibility to help.
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