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Jewish Weddings
Not a Jewish Wedding But....
OK, apologies in advance if this is on the wrong board, but I have a weird issue.
My fiancé has a very Jewish last name. He himself is not Jewish, since his mother is Italian-American and he was raised as a lapsed Catholic. His father is Jewish. Long story short, he is the love of my life etc. but he definitely acts, looks, sounds, and has a surname that all confirm his partial Jewish identity. He even has odd mannerisms when it comes to money, which my family has commented on a few times. It sounds a bit stereotypical, but honestly that's how it is.
I love him, he's my soulmate, but I'm getting a bit sick and tired of telling people no Tony isn't Jewish, no I'm not converting, no our kids won't go to Synagogue, yes his family is from New York etc. etc. I am taking his last name, and so I'm prepared to hear these questions for a long time to come.
Any help or thoughts? Am I overreacting? Is this something I'll need to get used to? Would love to hear what you guys think. 
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Re: Not a Jewish Wedding But....
If people believe negative things about Tony because they think he is Jewish, that bigotry needs to be addressed. If they just assume he is Jewish, yes, you'll just need to get used to it.
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Before you figure out how to handle questions, you might want to do some soul-searching about your own prejudices and educate yourself a bit.
While you may not realize it, your response about your FI's financial tendencies are completely and totally prejudice and I'm not sure how you can expect your family to be accepting and understanding when you, yourself, can make a statement like that.
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I work in a predominantly African American staffed/serving hospital in downtown Atlanta and I cannot tell you how many times I have had people ask me if I am albino, where I got my name (like I stole it from somewhere...usually very accusing), etc. My name is Shoshanah. It's Hebrew. I have to explain that I am not native American, not an albino African American and that my parents got my name from OUR culture - it's Hebrew. I have to do this ALL THE TIME. I've started to use it to educate and not to get angry. Maybe you should do the same.
[QUOTE] Re: "odd mannerisms", <strong>for lack of a good phrase, he has a tendency to be cheap or to constantly bring up money matters</strong>. Posted by Zidel333[/QUOTE]
There is already too much hatred and stereotyping of people in this world. You need to examine your prejudice, your stereotypes and then do some serious spriticual healing. If you can't do it alone, then seek help. You need to stop making offensive generalizations about people based on religion and ethnicity.
Are you next going to go to the African Amercan brides board and perpetuate your ugly stereotypes of people of color. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-frown.gif" border="0" alt="Frown" title="Frown" />
You owe everyone on here a huge apology and you will only be welcome once you have the courage to do so.
I dont think you meant to be offensive, but by stereotyping your own spouse and his father, and being annoyed that someone might think you are Jewish raises questions about how you were raised and how you will raise your children. We are not born with Hate we learn it from our parents. Instead of looking at your last name like a potential problem, why not look at is as an opportunity to share your blending of cultures and teach others to do the same? If you scoff at it, others will too. And that is not something i think you want to teach your own children.
Good luck.
I am proud to be Jew! I am proud to have a pointy chin, dark hair, a big nose, big hips, a big mouth and cheap about money!
Those ideas you have are extremely prejudice. Get over it.
and just for the record, i'm not going to make light of your nationality, just because you talk and act a certain way
ps. what's wrong with being frugal? nothing.
additionally, as a canadian i've spent the past two years watching the american economy implode. i should think you'd be overjoyed at your fiance's cash consciousness rather than being worried people will mistakenly think he (and you with his last name) are cheap jews.
and if you're really worried about it, don't change your last name.
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based on this scenario, her FI is not jewish by the standards of any recognized synagogue movement.
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[QUOTE]he definitely acts, looks, sounds, and has a surname that all confirm his partial Jewish identity. He even has odd mannerisms when it comes to money, which my family has commented on a few times. [/QUOTE]
I have to literally LOL at your post here. What are you saying? You frankly sound uneducated and/or clueless here. Last time I checked Judiasm is a religion, not a condition that causes you to act or look a certain way. I'm a redhead pale Jew- wait, so am I actually Jewish? Partial Jewish identity...what does that even mean? "Odd manerisms"- who has ever heard of wording like that used in regards to money? Oh, I see you're from "the DC area" so you really mean VA or MD, kinda southern?...so than you're a hick, right? Hmm kind of sounds like a sterotype that I'm throwing at you.
You didn't come off wrong here, you just come off ridiculous. Get over it, your name is going to sound Jewish. Who cares? People are going to throw stupid questions at you. Hmmmmm, what are you doing than?
[QUOTE]Yes, it helps. Your FI is cheap. That has nothing to do with being Jewish and it's kind of amazing to me that have the nerve to come onto a Jewish board and make a statement like that. Before you figure out how to handle questions, you might want to do some soul-searching about your own prejudices and educate yourself a bit.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]
This. Exactly. Exponentially. I was offended reading your post.
This is the most offensive post I have read to date and trust me I have seen some garbage posted by trolls.....
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not a Jewish Wedding But.... : This. Exactly. Exponentially. I was offended reading your post.
Posted by becunning2[/QUOTE]
You are my favorite newbie :))
[QUOTE]a correction for Jamie86e. there is no such thing as "half jewish." the american reform movement accepts patrilineal decent for children who have a jewish father/non-jewish mother, but that child must be raised in a jewish home and consider themselves jewish. based on this scenario, her FI is not jewish by the standards of any recognized synagogue movement.
Posted by vlevitt[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>why would there NOT be such a thing as half jewish? it's also an ethnicity. if you can be half mexican why couldn't you be half jewish?</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Not a Jewish Wedding But.... : why would there NOT be such a thing as half jewish? it's also an ethnicity. if you can be half mexican why couldn't you be half jewish?
Posted by Jami86e[/QUOTE]
This technically means that you have some Jewish background but are not a Jew. Judaism has ethnic components, but unlike being a Mexican, it is more than merely a race or ethnicity. You're either Jewish or you are not. Different sects of Judaism have different definitions of a Jew, but you can't be half.
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But back to the OP, I wouldn't characterize her FH as half-Jewish since that's not how he identifies himself.