My girl is getting.... girlier?

hersband+wifey · May 2012

I'm not sure how to take it. I mean I love it because she's always been beautiful and now she's pretty AND beautiful and leaning toward more girly types of things, she still swears she doesn't want a dress for the wedding but with 7 months left to go, I wonder if that might shift too...

Anyone else been through this?

chrmun · May 2012

No.... thankfully? FI is practically a lumberjack, so if he got girly it would probably end up being like one of those "late in life transgender" shows on A&E.
That being said, the Wedding Industrial Complex is a massive and powerful force. It can make people weird. It's sort of like war; it changes you. It's this multi-billion dollar advertising machine that inundates people with, "YOUR WEDDING SHOULD LOOK LIKE THIS", "ALL BRIDES WANT TO LOOK LIKE THIS", "EVERYONE WANTS TO FEEL BEAUTIFUL ON THEIR WEDDING DAY AND THAT CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED BY BUYING THIS", etc., etc.
The good news is that sanity often returns, sometimes even BEFORE the wedding.

Question: How do you feel about your lady femmeing out?

Cjgirl00 · May 2012

Stoney is having her moments. She decided a few weeks ago that she wants and engagement ring too, which is fine. Just a little unexpected. She picked out a mens cable ring with a few small diamond accents which is actually really cool. Maybe this is just the wedding insanity rearing it's head?

hersband+wifey · May 2012

Chrmun, I'm not AGAINST it as such, it's just a little concerning. I mean, like I said, she's been out for 12 years so it's unlikely she's going to flip, but it's there in the back of my mind.

She's beautiful, so her being girly doesn't bother me.

Yesss, I'm typically not attracted to the girly girls... so it'll be a weird change for me but it's not the way she LOOKS that brought us together. It's HER and HER isn't changing, just her style.

So why does it scare me?

Cjgirl00 · June 2012

Change itself is pretty scary, and getting married is already a helluva change. It's natural to be a little higher strung then normal. The whole deep breath and assurance to yourself that it's about you two and how much you love each other should work. :-)

2dBride · June 2012

I think sometimes when people first come out, and/or are dating, they feel the need to meet the stereotype of how a lesbian "should" look. As time goes on, their natural tendencies may come out a bit more. I seriously doubt this means she's going to "flip." Just enjoy having a beautiful girl!

chrmun · June 2012

I bet you $5 she rebutches after the wedding. Also, I agree with 2d. She ain't gonna flip. I also agree with the idea that people often sort of "adopt the (imagined) style" when they first come out. That having been said, I think 12 years is a pretty long time to find the equilibrium. I mean, I went through it, but I got through my "scarves and eyeliner" phase by the time I was 20.

karenziegler · June 2012

I don't know about the girlier part but my bride thought she wanted to wear slacks and a vest. Then she thought maybe she wanted a dress but wasn't sure. I told her she needed to try on a few to help her decide. She went to the store, tried on one black dress, loved it, bought it and that is what she will wear in October. Maybe your FI should try on a few things to help her decide what she really wants to wear. Of course most people seem to be surprised that my girl is going to wear a dress but I can't wait to see her in it! I am going to wear ivory and she is wearing black. Oh yeah, she has still decided to wear a pair of Vans underneath.

stormylipstick · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_gay-weddings_my-girl-is-getting-girlier?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:44Discussion:730453a1-0a1b-4c0d-8a57-4becb77d28fePost:d4a886a0-71eb-4cae-9a9a-50df223921fe">My girl is getting.... girlier?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure how to take it. I mean I love it because she's always been beautiful and now she's pretty AND beautiful and leaning toward more girly types of things, she still swears she doesn't want a dress for the wedding but with 7 months left to go, I wonder if that might shift too... Anyone else been through this?
Posted by hersband+wifey[/QUOTE]

Wellll not exactly because I don't think my soon to be hersband will ever be as girly as me but she did state she wanted to be the Bridezilla which I thought was funny. The only issue I am having is that she has always hated planning parties and this is the biggest event ever and now she does want to be involved in that, mind you I don't have an issue with her helping but if I left it up to her we would end up with a pirate wedding with an officiant wearing a pirate hat and eye patch.... That being said I highly doubt that your soon to be hersband will wear a dress if she has never done it before, I say put her into some high hooker heels to go with the dress and If she had thoughts of doing it she will def. change her mind after that. Here is also another suggestion and I have to remind my partner and myself of this, this is your wedding day and do what will make u happy but remember to always try and keep u in it all, what I mean by this is that this is not the time to experiment with a new look by wearing something you would not be caught dead in any other time and there are some really kick ass suites that are tailored and have that feminine touch without having to go all out girl she could also choose a small bouquet if she wanted to add an extra girl touch. Hope this helps and good luck.... My wedding is 6 months out now so lots to do! One last thing communication just talk to her and ask it may be that she just wants to be more involved in the process, my partner went one time with me and a few bridesmaids to shop and decided she would rather plan other things....

rowanmegaera · June 2012

I wouldn't worry too much about it. I know of the two of us I am definitely the girlier one but my fiancee is planning to wear a dress, much to the surprise of her family, and having her dad walk her down the aisle.

Neither of us is stereotypically butch or femme, we're both more jeans and t-shirts, long hair, maybe even a hint of makeup but her family was definitely surprised that ~I~ was the one who proposed because as they said, they always think of her as the "boy" in the relationship.

Enjoy the big day, girly-ness and all.

andih22 · June 2012

Hahaha I just wrote a blog post about this strange shift for Equally Wed. It's pretty funny if you want to read it: http://equallywed.com/blogs/entry/approaching-the-aisle/wedding-hair-woes.html
I think it's a wedding thing or something. At one point in my life I envisioned myself wearing an Armani suit and now for some reason I like the idea of a wedding dress.

andih22 · June 2012

PS. Being out and being feminine has nothing to do with each other. So it doesn't matter how long she's been out. We as lesbians, gays and queers create this gender expectation and gender norms for ourselves despite the fact that we can't stand when the heterosexual world tries to define us. I was such a dyke when I first met my fiancee and over the last 3 years I've gone back and fourth numerous times. Don't let it worry you, she is still her at the end of the day. The inside doesn't change.

sggeiger · July 2012

I agree. In college when I came out I only wore carpenter jeans and t-shirts with boots and I loved it because I felt free to express that part of myself for the first time. Over time I've "rediscovered" my girly side that I'd always resisted because since I was a little girl I always felt like if I expressed it I'd be lumped in with all the girly girls, who I just didn't identify with. I didn't want to be placed in a box.

Now I still wear my boots and love my tools but also like wearing makeup, doing my hair and sometimes (gasp) even wearing a dress! I like to LOOK pretty but still DO all the rugged outdoorsy things I enjoy, if that makes sense. I go to boxing class, take a shower and put on eyeliner.

In all of this, I can assure you, I have never been on the verge of "flipping". I love women. Always have, always will. Don't worry about your girl. Why don't you ask her about it? Just ask what she thinks is making her want to embrace that side of her, if she thinks she's changing or if it's always been there, etc.

Sarah

p.s. Both of us weren't sure at first what we were going to wear and it freaked us out, but in the end we both went with dresses.. because they made us feel pretty. Simple as that.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_gay-weddings_my-girl-is-getting-girlier?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:44Discussion:730453a1-0a1b-4c0d-8a57-4becb77d28fePost:64de39ba-2896-458f-b8a8-c3dd542503a6">Re: My girl is getting.... girlier?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think sometimes when people first come out, and/or are dating, they feel the need to meet the stereotype of how a lesbian "should" look. As time goes on, their natural tendencies may come out a bit more. I seriously doubt this means she's going to "flip." Just enjoy having a beautiful girl!
Posted by 2dBride[/QUOTE]

frolic1 · July 2012

In Response to Re: My girl is getting.... girlier?:
tee hee, the wedding spell is a powerful thing! putting on a wedding is so theatrical anyway, it is hard to resist the "dress up" possibilities. i am pretty much high femme, and i have been perving over dresses that are absolutely ridiculous even for me, much to the confusion of my fiancee. the what to wear question may be trickier for lesbians than for any other about to be marrieds. i may have found The Dress today, my fiancee loved it and i know it makes sense to pick this one, but part of me still wants a more outrageous dress. and we are getting married in our backyard in august! it is so hard to resist.
anyway, even if she is trying out a girlier style for this event, she can still gay it up a little, and it is one day. plus, what is hotter than taking a beautiful girl out of her dress at the end of the night?

enjoy!

My girl is getting.... girlier?

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