So close to eloping

jmkaiser · May 2011

We had an incredible weekend full of wedding showers and FIs bachelor party. Sunday afternoon we get a text from FMIL saying that we forgot to invite her father's aunts (FIs second aunts). I FI that he had to talk to her because it's a week before RSVPs are due and it's too far across the family line that we decided on. He called her and she started yelling at him saying that they were paying for the booze so they got to add who they wanted and that we were completely out of line and hung up. She then called my mother to try to get her to agree.

FI and I get a text a couple minutes later saying that she and his grandma will not be coming to the wedding.

I already said that if the money comes with strings that we don't want it. But how am I supposed to deal with this?? This is the third of forth time she has done this (first time saying she wasn't coming). I spent the entire afternoon crying becuase I'm just sick of this wedding being made into a circus. We are getting help so I've been open with the guest list but this is just too far.

emilyinchile · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_close-eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b546161-d71f-43a3-8b87-a2c2996fe7d7Post:db9e716d-8dba-4b17-81b6-8090bb237725">So close to eloping</a>:
[QUOTE]We had an incredible weekend full of wedding showers and FIs bachelor party. Sunday afternoon we get a text from FMIL saying that we forgot to invite her father's aunts (FIs second aunts). I FI that he had to talk to her because it's a week before RSVPs are due and it's too far across the family line that we decided on. He called her and she started yelling at him saying that they were paying for the booze so they got to add who they wanted and that we were completely out of line and hung up. She then called my mother to try to get her to agree. FI and I get a text a couple minutes later saying that she and his grandma will not be coming to the wedding. I already said that if the money comes with strings that we don't want it. But how am I supposed to deal with this?? This is the third of forth time she has done this (first time saying she wasn't coming). I spent the entire afternoon crying becuase I'm just sick of this wedding being made into a circus. We are getting help so I've been open with the guest list but this is just too far.
Posted by jmkaiser[/QUOTE]

What does your FI want to do? I mean, it's his mom, so I think he kind of has to take the lead on this one. I'd be tempted to call her bluff - will she really miss her son's wedding over her oversight on the guest list? But I can also understand him wanting to make peace with her, in which case I think you need to support him even though she's acting like a 5 year old.

sarabellam · May 2011

Call her bluff. Is it too late to return her money?

baystateapple · May 2011

It's generally understood that with money comes strings, but with a week and a half until the RSVP date it is just too damn late for FMIL to add more people to the guest list. It is incredibly rude to ask people that late in.

Maybe let her cool down for a bit and then have FI contact her and try to reason with her.

jmkaiser · May 2011

They haven't given us any money or put any money down so FI and I spoke last night and are ready to call her bluff. We'll pay for the rehearsal dinner and booze if that's what she decides is more important than her son's wedding.

I'm just so tired of this. This isn't the first issue we've had which makes me even more upset.

FI and I are on the same page with this which makes things a little easier but it's still tearing us apart. SHE has made planning this wedding an absolute nightmare.

sarabellam · May 2011

Even better, then. Sorry that your FMIL is such a drama-queen.

baystateapple · May 2011

Yeah, if she hasn't given the money, then technically you don't owe her rights to the guest list.

My parents paid for our bar. My father sat down with us early on and gave us his "must-invites" about a YEAR in advance -- there were only like 6 people, mainly the pastor we had when I was a child and some of his friends who had invited my parents to their childrens' weddings. But this was WAY in advance. Not a week and a half before the RSVPs are due.

I would have FI talk to her and see if she'll calm down and see reason. If not, then say "I'm sorry you feel that way. Thank you for offering, but we can't send invitations this late in the game, it would be rude to those guests. We will have to decline your generous offer and we'll pay for our own bar."

I'm sorry she's being such a wingnut.

Milsey32 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_close-eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b546161-d71f-43a3-8b87-a2c2996fe7d7Post:a9984697-bcc8-4003-8ace-6b96eef65492">Re: So close to eloping</a>:
[QUOTE]It's generally understood that with money comes strings, but with a week and a half until the RSVP date it is just too damn late for FMIL to add more people to the guest list. It is incredibly rude to ask people that late in. Maybe let her cool down for a bit and then have FI contact her and try to reason with her.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This.</div><div>
</div><div>WHO THE EFF WANTS YOU TO INVITE SOMEONE A WEEK AND A HALF BEFORE RSVPS ARE DUE?!? ughhh. </div>

jaycee7389 · May 2011

I'd hope she really wouldn't miss her son's wedding over forgetting someone on your guest list. Hopefully she realizes that saying something that hurtful is a much bigger faux pas than what you accidentally did.

jmkaiser · May 2011

It wasn't even accidental in a way. They gave us a list an we told them that there were way too many people on it and had to make cuts. We sat down and made the cuts with them. There was not one point where FI and I made a cut without speaking with family first. She is acting like a child about something that SHE technically did and is making me the bad guy....It's ridiculous and yes very very hurtful.

ADTonk · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_close-eloping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b546161-d71f-43a3-8b87-a2c2996fe7d7Post:15e47987-321d-4105-a456-98c31e01b131">Re: So close to eloping</a>:
[QUOTE]It wasn't even accidental in a way. They gave us a list an we told them that there were way too many people on it and had to make cuts. We sat down and made the cuts with them. There was not one point where FI and I made a cut without speaking with family first. She is acting like a child about something that SHE technically did and is making me the bad guy....It's ridiculous and yes very very hurtful.
Posted by jmkaiser[/QUOTE]

FI needs to handle this. Maybe a "Mom, last time we reivewed the guest list with you, it was alright. It's too late to invite people now and this is not what we agreed on".

So close to eloping

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