October 2012 Weddings

Ending the friendship with my MOH - sorry, really long

I am 99.99% certain that I am about to end my friendship with my MOH.  There has been so much drama surrounding her since I first met her almost two years ago.

I will first say that it has become apparent that she has a drinking problem.  She doesn't know when to stop and becomes pretty crazy when she's had a bit too much to drink.  Just a few examples - she tried to sleep with my brother at my parent's house last Halloween, she tried to sleep with one of my FI's friends in my guest bathroom at my birthday party after grabbing huge pieces of birthday cake and having a food fight (also in my guest bathroom), she threw up in several areas of a friends house on New Years, she got into a screaming match with another friend of FI's that resulted in him refusing to be around when she is around (he's in the wedding so I've been pretty nervous about them being around each other that day),  and she has refused to go home on more than one occassion because she wants to keep drinking.

She recently gave up her floral shop which has caused her to become financially unstable.  I have no judgement towards her for that.  I've been through some rough times and I know how it is.  But she really crossed the line after my shower this Saturday (which was at my mom's house).

First, she broke down to my Matron of Honor and I and explained that she felt so bad for not being able to contribute to the shower and to the bachelorette party.  I told her that I would rather have her presence there then to have her money anytime.  She went MIA for a couple of months and didn't return phone calls, texts, emails or fb messages to my mom or my Matron of Honor and apologized saying that she felt ashamed for not being able to help.  Of course, after hearing all of that, I accepted her apology and we decided to move on and I just asked her to keep me in the loop from here on out.

Well, after that, we all said it was time to go home, so my Matron of Honor left and my MOH went out to smoke a cig.  I told her again that I wanted to leave and she said she wanted to go in to say good bye to everyone.  Instead of that, she poured herself a drink, and then another after that.  I finally said, I am leaving and you need to as well.  I finally got out of there an hour after we said we were initially leaving.

At 2:45am, my phone rings - it's her and she is in a parking lot at a bar with the police there not allowing her to drive home and she is asking me to come pick her up.  So I get up and out of bed and drive 20 minutes to go get her.  I am beyond pissed at this point.  Not even 7 hours earlier, she was complaining about not having gas money but having the money to go to a bar is not a concern.

I don't want her at my b-party, I don't want her to come to any other social gatherings, and I don't even feel comfortable having her at or in my wedding.  She is nothing but drama and even though I feel bad because I am ending our friendship when she probably needs me the most, I just can't handle her anymore.

Thanks for reading if you made it through all of that.  I really needed to just let it all out.
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Re: Ending the friendship with my MOH - sorry, really long

  • Wow.  This girl needs serious help.  I don't blame you one bit bit for not wanting that negativity in your life.  At some point you just have to draw the line.
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  • I am so sorry to hear this...but...it sounds like you already have the right decision in the works.  Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and thats the last thing you need right now.  I find that sometimes the right decision we have to make for ourselves is usually the hardest one.....good luck. **Hugs**
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  • I think you're doing the right thing.  Plus, there will likely be booze at all those functions and you don't want to be an enabler.  

    There are several alcoholics in my family and we finally had to stop inviting them to things because, even if there was no alcohol involved, they would find/bring some in.  It got to be too much.

    Sorry you have to go through this! :(
  • i think you need to end this relationship.  i totally understnad not wanting to be around that sort of mess, especially for wedding related things.  if you decide to remove her from your WP (which you totally can do), make sure some key people at your ceremony and reception know and can make sure she doesnt show up and interrupt things,   we may have an unwelcome guest showing up so some of my mom's friends husbands are being alerted and told not to allow her in.
    i hope this all works out for you!

  • Sorry you have to deal with this. I think you are making right decision. 
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  • I also think that you are making the right decision.  Some people need to hit rock bottom before they can figure out that they have a problem. 
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  • I completely know how you feel. I had to do the same thing back in April, even though with her it was unrelated to alcohol-- just waaayy too much drama and seriously f-ed up decisions. As a pp said, sometimes you just have to draw the line, let them know where you stand, and pray for them to get the help they need. I hope your friend does get help. I know it's tough to go through something like this, and even months later you'll wonder if you made the right decision. But ultimately you'll be better off.

    Sorry :(
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  • I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said.  I just wanted to say I'm sorry, it's so hard to cut people out, even if it's the best decision for you.
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  • Ouch! ... I'm in with the other girls. You're making the right decision. No one wants to remember their MOH like that. She is drama!
    Good luck!!!
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