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Premarital Counseling/ "Butterflies" on getting married!

asabbasabb
100 Comments
in African American Weddings

So FI & I are in our 2nd session of premarital counseling. We did one session during the summer with the former pastor of the church we attend (whom of which is Italian/Lutheran). Which went well I think it was pretty "uniform" we did like a 150 question "test" and compared answers to see how "on que" we were. Turns out that pastor was unable to marry us due to the timing of the wedding (when it was dated for April 23-Easter weekend). Which was fine with me because he was wanting to pick our music (NO R&B/ MUST BE FROM A CHRISTIAN SONG BOOK) which I wasn't very happy about. So now we are in session 2 with the pastor who is marring us (Baptist of course) and he is COMPLETELY different, which I expected him to be. I mean the brotha gets DEEP in our business which is fine BUT the more we talk the more BUTTERFLIES I get about getting married. Like will it work? Will he be a husband from the Bible? Will I be a wife from the Bible? I know it's helping us which is great but I'm getting COLD FEET (where r the snow boots with only 1 month & 3 weeks to go Undecided). How are your premarital sessions going or how did they go?

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Re: Premarital Counseling/ "Butterflies" on getting married!

  • eagles347eagles347
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Hello, my ALMOST date twin! You sound exactly like me a few weeks ago. It is normal and unless something has happened that has you questioning things, it will pass. We have our final session on February 5th and as deep and challenging as they were...they were worth every minute spent, every word spoken, and we are all the better for them. Hang in there! Put on some fuzzy socks and pray for peace of mind and reassurance. We are so close!
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  • mahoganieyesmahoganieyes
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    Our third appt is this Saturday. So far doing good. The pastor is actually a family friend of ffil and fmil. Our premarital counseling takes place at his home and it just feel welcoming. We come in, say a prayer and talk. I like it! Fiance on the other hand likes it but realize how wrong he can be with certain things. Lately fi been "good!"  Cool



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  • tcage001tcage001
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We had our 3rd session last month and it was good. It forces us to get things out in the open and work it out with someone on the outside looking in. I think the butterflies come in with just having to say private things to another person. Don't worry it will be ok.
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  • sheshedukeshesheduke member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    NO we have not started yet but I cant wait. It is a must I really want to do it with a pastor because they teach from the bible. We are still looking for a church but that is one of my prerequisites. If we have to do one with just a regular counselor I don't think it will be so good but it will still help. You guys have me wanting to have a session right now especially since FI is working my nerves!
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  • eagles347eagles347
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_premarital-counseling-butterflies-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:e9ed0205-f012-4eed-b912-07efd6f8d0acPost:6feaf9c7-a81b-4e03-a0d1-cf9eb8370d06">Re: Premarital Counseling/ "Butterflies" on getting married!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Our third appt is this Saturday. So far doing good. The pastor is actually a family friend of ffil and fmil. Our premarital counseling takes place at his home and it just feel welcoming. We come in, say a prayer and talk. I like it! Fiance on the other hand likes it but realize how wrong he can be with certain things. Lately fi been "good!" 
    Posted by mahoganieyes[/QUOTE]

    Your sessions sound EXACTLY like mine except that our minister is a friend of my father's. His wife joined us for our last talk which centered around sexuality. You know what's funny...when we first started, FI realized so much that he needed to do differently to make things between us as good as they could be. Now, the deeper we go, the more I'm realizing that there is much that I need to do as well. We are truly in this thing together now and the change is amazing!
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  • asabbasabb
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    AWWW thanks a bunch ladies!! I feel a ton better now! I'm sure everything will be okay! And like some pp said the pastor is a long time friend of FI family as well!! @Eagles347- I got my fuzzies on :-)
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  • GiddyBride23GiddyBride23 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Pre-marital counseling was one of the BEST things we could have done. I think your questions are normal and to be expected ... but the great thing about counseling is that it opens the door was lots of necessary conversations. Congratulations (I think too many people miss this step) and hang in there :-).
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  • Shalone&GeorgeShalone&George
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm so glad you asked this question, I am feeling the same way right now.  We had our first session tonight and I'm thinking, uh-oh I was not expecting to get that deep so soon.  I know it is all for the best though and I'm actually looking forward to our next session.
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  • asabbasabb
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_premarital-counseling-butterflies-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:e9ed0205-f012-4eed-b912-07efd6f8d0acPost:a1ccef98-a1ce-44b6-96e0-16c83524ae3b">Re: Premarital Counseling/ "Butterflies" on getting married!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm so glad you asked this question, I am feeling the same way right now.  We had our first session tonight and I'm thinking, uh-oh I was not expecting to get that deep so soon.  I know it is all for the best though and I'm actually looking forward to our next session.
    Posted by Shalone&George[/QUOTE]

    We've had two sessions & I look forward to them as well BUT yes it does get a lil deep lol!
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