Wedding guest request ( I need some help with this one)

Delaney85 · April 2012

I do not post often, but I am going to ask there before bringing it to m friends and family to avoid personal drama. I got an e mail today from my Aunt and uncle asking stating they are thrilled to attend our wedding in 2 weeks, however they said I need to either reimburse them for gas, pay for their flight or forfeit a wedding gift. They go on to say that I should also do this for my cousins ( their kids). I am a bit dumbfounded by this request and have thought about being passive aggressive about this e mail and ignore it. I do not mind not getting a gift they are family and I consider my self pretty close to them, but gas from the wedding to where they live is 4 hours. Any thoughts on how to deal with this? Thanks

mica178 · April 2012

Tell them that their presence will be present enough. Do not offer to pay for their travel. If they cannot afford to get to your wedding, they should decline the invitation.

SEWF · April 2012

Everything Mica said, especially since she said it much nicer than I would have.

MrsGandthebeag · April 2012

Wow, that is bizarre. I agree with Mica.

Delaney85 · April 2012

Yeah, I agree with you, I honestly could care less about a wedding gift. but still alittle irked by them being so presumptuous.

pokepoke27 · April 2012

That's kind of insane. I also would go with what Mica said. You don't need to be responsible for paying for their travel. And seeing as gifts are optional, it's NBD if you don't get one ; )

monkeysip · April 2012

Wow people really have some nerve. Ditto pps.

ootmother2 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest-request-i-need-some-help-with-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb9fb31a-5b19-42a1-840d-d0d66cada38cPost:e18dd4e8-0e0f-4968-97eb-598097fd0b81">Wedding guest request ( I need some help with this one)</a>:
[QUOTE]I do not post often, but I am going to ask there before bringing it to m friends and family to avoid personal drama. I got an e mail today from my Aunt and uncle asking stating they are thrilled to attend our wedding in 2 weeks, however they said I need to either reimburse them for gas, pay for their flight or forfeit a wedding gift. They go on to say that I should also do this for my cousins ( their kids). I am a bit dumbfounded by this request and have thought about being passive aggressive about this e mail and ignore it. I do not mind not getting a gift they are family and I consider my self pretty close to them, but gas from the wedding to where they live is 4 hours. Any thoughts on how to deal with this? Thanks
Posted by Delaney85[/QUOTE]

I'm not certain that I would even reply

Lizzieyounce · April 2012

OMGREALLYWTF?

What PP said....wow.

deanozzi · April 2012

Ummmmm? Wow!

ccarrion77 · April 2012

I'd talk to mom or dad which ever is the sibling to your aunt, this is not normal and something else may be going on. Regardless very rude...

HeathenSwan · April 2012

I'd probably ignore it for fear that I'd say something crappy...

Rose March · April 2012

Wow, wow, wow! I'd go with what mica said. But part of me would want to tell them don't bother.

pokepoke27 · April 2012

Ha, I just read this post to my mom and she had a little freak out. "I can not BELIEVE anyone would be so ASENINE as to actually say that to the brides FACE!"

redheadfsu · April 2012

Ditto Mica.

But yeah, those people are very tacky and strange to ask that.

Cortney1982 · April 2012

I would ignore the absurd request.

Delaney85 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest-request-i-need-some-help-with-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb9fb31a-5b19-42a1-840d-d0d66cada38cPost:c4ec7479-8b66-4e01-9bed-a2a3859e0b23">Re: Wedding guest request ( I need some help with this one)</a>:
[QUOTE]That is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. I would reply with "I am unable to pay for guests' travel. I hope you can still make it." I wouldn't even mention the gifts thing. It's just so presumptuous and rude. Honestly, if they can't afford to travel to a wedding, they should have declined the invitation like normal people. They shouldn't be bartering for gifts.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

Thank you for this answer....I wrote them this in a reply. Its a little bitchy ( or for me at least)

I can appreciate you being concerned about the cost of gas. In actuality the reason why the wedding is where it is, is so its within easy driving distance for all family members, vs where we really wanted it to be, So no I can not accommodate gas pay back. I do hope you can come to the wedding and see this as an opportunity to see your kids and grandchildren and Uncle so you can spend time with your brothers, my dad does not know this request coming from you.... his blood would be boiling if he knew you were trying to get money out of me. Thank you for adding stress to something that should be happy. I hope you enjoyed your 3 weeks at the Ritz Carlton in Naples for vacation.... do you want me to reimburse you for that too? Have a good night and I hope to see you in 2 weeks. Lets forget about this and I hope you can allow us to enjoy our wedding.
Warm Regards,
Sloane

pokepoke27 · April 2012

I appreciate that you're angry about the request, but I think that the email could have been a little....nicer.

I personally would have just replied with:

"I do not expect gifts from all of my guests, so if a gift is out of your budget then please do not worry about offending me by not buying one. I can not currently afford to help anyone out with travel expenses. I hope you are able to make it to the wedding, but if not I understand and you will be missed.

Regards

Delaney85"

I think that going into all the other stuff about your dad and their vacation is just going to start a fight. Yes they were rude and yes they were presumptuous, but I don't really see the need to start a "thing" over it. It really would have been better for you to take the high road. Now, instead of just them looking like pricks you also look a little childish for flinging crap around too.

C&MMartel · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest-request-i-need-some-help-with-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb9fb31a-5b19-42a1-840d-d0d66cada38cPost:cea3d804-dd44-4dff-a0e2-99ee77b72263">Re: Wedding guest request ( I need some help with this one)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding guest request ( I need some help with this one) : Thank you for this answer....I wrote them this in a reply. Its a little bitchy ( or for me at least) I can appreciate you being concerned about the cost of gas. In actuality the reason why the wedding is where it is, is so its within easy driving distance for all family members, vs where we really wanted it to be, So no I can not accommodate gas pay back. I do hope you can come to the wedding and see this as an opportunity to see your kids and grandchildren and Uncle so you can spend time with your brothers, my dad does not know this request coming from you.... his blood would be boiling if he knew you were trying to get money out of me. Thank you for adding stress to something that should be happy. I hope you enjoyed your 3 weeks at the Ritz Carlton in Naples for vacation.... do you want me to reimburse you for that too? Have a good night and I hope to see you in 2 weeks. Lets forget about this and I hope you can allow us to enjoy our wedding. Warm Regards, Sloane
Posted by Delaney85[/QUOTE]
Yikes! Well i can understand why you might be upset at their request i think i might have left out part of your reply. Some people just dont understand proper ettiquite when it comes to money and gifts....i had FI's uncle offer to DJ out wedding for "free" as a gift, but we would have to pay the gas money for him to drive down. (they live about an hour and a half away) and i was kinda put off with the request but just rolled it off and told him we were all set and that we wanted him to just enjoy his time. Although it might have made you feel better, you might have just shot yourself in the foot if it gets around to all the other people on how you responded. Hopefully they will just take it as they were rude and thats that.. but..good luck.. and PLEASE repost any email you receive back from them. hehe.. gotta love a good bit of drama every now and then.

Delaney85 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest-request-i-need-some-help-with-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb9fb31a-5b19-42a1-840d-d0d66cada38cPost:df58cf6a-0b39-4e1d-8cb5-c9a764d68bc5">Re: Wedding guest request ( I need some help with this one)</a>:
[QUOTE]I appreciate that you're angry about the request, but I think that the email could have been a little....nicer. I personally would have just replied with: "I do not expect gifts from all of my guests, so if a gift is out of your budget then please do not worry about offending me by not buying one. I can not currently afford to help anyone out with travel expenses. I hope you are able to make it to the wedding, but if not I understand and you will be missed. Regards Delaney85" I think that going into all the other stuff about your dad and their vacation is just going to start a fight. Yes they were rude and yes they were presumptuous, but I don't really see the need to start a "thing" over it. It really would have been better for you to take the high road. Now, instead of just them looking like pricks you also look a little childish for flinging crap around too.
Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

The point of this was they have alot of money and for them to be flinging dung in my direction is pretty shittty.... Its not like I would not help a family member if they were in financial trouble with this kind of request, if they were struggling, I would absolutely pay, or assist in payment, but coming from them is just iinsulting, because of their means.

Gabrielle76 · April 2012

Wow.

They were out of line to ask for gas money, but honestly how they spend their money is their business alone, and should NOT have been brought up in your reply email. Two rudes don't make a right!

Edit: crfb beat me to it! When someone is rude to you you're polite until they get the hint. You don't get down and fight them in the mud.

pokepoke27 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest-request-i-need-some-help-with-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb9fb31a-5b19-42a1-840d-d0d66cada38cPost:2d6f4da3-44b9-4662-8ec0-9af41748b1ee">Re: Wedding guest request ( I need some help with this one)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding guest request ( I need some help with this one) : The point of this was they have alot of money and for them to be flinging dung in my direction is pretty shittty.... Its not like I would not help a family member if they were in financial trouble with this kind of request, if they were struggling, I would absolutely pay, or assist in payment, but coming from them is just iinsulting, because of their means.
Posted by Delaney85[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Again, I understand your feelings about this. But like PPs have said, it does not mean you should put yourself down to their level. You got some really good advice from the ladies on this board and it kind of feels like you just ignored it.</div>

Delaney85 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest-request-i-need-some-help-with-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb9fb31a-5b19-42a1-840d-d0d66cada38cPost:970fb7fa-434b-4657-af7c-94aaebc85454">Re: Wedding guest request ( I need some help with this one)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding guest request ( I need some help with this one) : Again, I understand your feelings about this. But like PPs have said, it does not mean you should put yourself down to their level. You got some really good advice from the ladies on this board and it kind of feels like you just ignored it.
Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE.......
Luckly I just wrote the e mail and let it sit there in drafts before hitting send ( probably should have written that out before .)..... I used your version and hit send. I did not ignore the advise, but i feel better in writing out the other verson out first. You are right in needing to take the high road, they are family.... Thanks

pokepoke27 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-guest-request-i-need-some-help-with-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fb9fb31a-5b19-42a1-840d-d0d66cada38cPost:e7a899ce-1a43-41b9-8647-470c697377b5">Re: Wedding guest request ( I need some help with this one)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding guest request ( I need some help with this one) : Again, I understand your feelings about this. But like PPs have said, it does not mean you should put yourself down to their level. You got some really good advice from the ladies on this board and it kind of feels like you just ignored it. Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE....... <strong>Luckly I just wrote the e mail and let it sit there in drafts before hitting send ( probably should have written that out before .)..... I used your version and hit send. I did not ignore the advise, but i feel better in writing out the other verson out first</strong>. You are right in needing to take the high road, they are family.... Thanks
Posted by Delaney85[/QUOTE]

<div>If I had known you hadn't yet sent the email I wouldn't have said you ignored our advice - I'm very glad you decided to take the high road. </div><div>
</div><div>I am a big fan of writing angry letters to people and then throwing them away. It really just makes you feel better to get it out doesn't it?</div>

mkrupar · April 2012

This was weird.

tpender13 · April 2012

Agreed...

Wedding guest request ( I need some help with this one)

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