Crazy SIL!!

Kombo · May 2011

So my Fiance is Indian and I am not. I chose his sister as one of my bridesmaids along with my sis and a couple friends. A few months after engagement my SIL mentioned that she wanted to change into a sari after the church ceremony. I agreed as a know it's a part of their culture and I'm open minded. No big deal..

Soonafter I mentioned that she should wear a sari to match the bridemaids (coral) and she stated her sari was WHITE!!! I almost died!! Lets just say that I had a minor tantrum and I believe rightfully so! My FI didn't think it was a big deal and it really doesn't matter (causing a fight). Oh and I forgot to mention that at the reception I would change into a red and gold tradtional dress and she would be wearing white at MY headtable. The next day she ended up saying she doesn't want to be in the WP anymore! WTF!!!! I know one day she will regret not taking part in her brothers wedding.. Her inconsideration is ridiculous.

So I'm sure she is still going to wear the white, but at least she won't be sitting next to me. I still can't believe she had the balls to do this, and they came to America when they 5 years old..I think thats plenty of time to learn the "American" tradaitions..

Any thoughts on this?
Frustrated

MyWedding13 · May 2011

I think she is just being a b*tch and can't handle not being the center of attention. The friends that I have that are Indian say that saris are usually in many different colors, so it seems to me like she went out of her way to find a plain white one.

vegasgroom · May 2011

It's a lot easier for a BM to drop out than you kicking her out, you got off lucky. Anyway, if the worst thing you have to worry about is the color of FSIL's dress, consider yourself lucky.

Cynthia1207 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_crazy-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8e195fcd-2e73-40ba-87c4-c1d29cef22dfPost:928223fc-ba56-44c3-96fb-d023e89df9b7">Crazy SIL!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So my Fiance is Indian and I am not. I chose his sister as one of my bridesmaids along with my sis and a couple friends. A few months after engagement my SIL mentioned that she wanted to change into a sari after the church ceremony. I agreed as a know it's a part of their culture and I'm open minded. No big deal.. Soonafter I mentioned that she should wear a sari to match the bridemaids (coral) and she stated her sari was WHITE!!! I almost died!! Lets just say that I had a minor tantrum and I believe rightfully so! My FI didn't think it was a big deal and it really doesn't matter (causing a fight). Oh and I forgot to mention that at the reception I would change into a red and gold tradtional dress and she would be wearing white at MY headtable. The next day she ended up saying she doesn't want to be in the WP anymore! WTF!!!! I know one day she will regret not taking part in her brothers wedding.. Her inconsideration is ridiculous. So I'm sure she is still going to wear the white, but at least she won't be sitting next to me. I still can't believe she had the balls to do this, and they came to America when they 5 years old<strong>..I think thats plenty of time to learn the "American" tradaitions.. Any thoughts on this? Frustrated
</strong>Posted by Kombo[/QUOTE]

This kind of rubbed me off the wrong way. Just because they immigrated here doesn't mean they need to conform to american wedding traditions. Indian brides get married in red and gold so her wearing white wouldn't be a tradition faux pas in Indian culture. Since you are blending two cultures, BOTH cultures should be respected. Her wearing a red sari would cause a lot more commotion than wearing a white one. She's abiding by your wishes for the ceremony so is it really that big a deal?

Saris I believe are quite expensive so maybe she doesn't want to buy a BM dress + a new sari? I don't know if she already owns the white one but it seems like that would be a smart move on her part.

I really doubt someone is going to mistake her for you even if she's wearing white at the head table. Did anyone mistake Pippa for Kate? Nope and *gasp* she was wearing a white dress also! OMG! Sorry but I'm with your FI on this one. You overreacted a bit.

midgetthemighty · May 2011

I agree with Cynthia.

If you're changing into a different color dress for the reception, I think it makes it even less of a big deal that she wants to wear white. (Even though it's not a big deal to begin with anyway)

sleblanc72 · May 2011

I agree with Cynthia and Midge 100%. You are changing anyways so what is the big deal?

Milsey32 · May 2011

If YOU are not following tradition/wearing white, then why does it matter if someone else is?

And does she consider herself an American or does she consider herself Indian? Just because she came here 5 years ago doesn't mean she has to "live like Americans" do.

thesequel · May 2011

I think that you overreacted a bit....okay a lot. You are changing anyways....so what does it matter? No one will mistake her for the bride!

lyndausvi · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_crazy-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8e195fcd-2e73-40ba-87c4-c1d29cef22dfPost:9d98b2ae-5245-4217-8326-ea1f6ca04c86">Re: Crazy SIL!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Crazy SIL!! : This kind of rubbed me off the wrong way. Just because they immigrated here doesn't mean they need to conform to american wedding traditions. Indian brides get married in red and gold so her wearing white wouldn't be a tradition faux pas in Indian culture. Since you are blending two cultures, BOTH cultures should be respected. Her wearing a red sari would cause a lot more commotion than wearing a white one. She's abiding by your wishes for the ceremony so is it really that big a deal? Saris I believe are quite expensive so maybe she doesn't want to buy a BM dress + a new sari? I don't know if she already owns the white one but it seems like that would be a smart move on her part. I really doubt someone is going to mistake her for you even if she's wearing white at the head table. Did anyone mistake Pippa for Kate? Nope and *gasp* she was wearing a white dress also! OMG! Sorry but I'm with your FI on this one. You overreacted a bit.
Posted by Cynthia1207[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>ditto..</div><div>
</div><div>I think you are the crazy FSIL in this story.

</div>

DNAtime · May 2011

As far as I understand it, in Indian culture the bride wears red/gold and the guests wear white. I think her dress sari is white because that is what color the formal/fancy saris are (think Indian version of a LBD.)

Especially since you are changing into a red/gold dress its really no big deal. Let it go. I think you were out of line to throw a tantrum and you should apologize.

noodle_oo · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_crazy-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8e195fcd-2e73-40ba-87c4-c1d29cef22dfPost:928223fc-ba56-44c3-96fb-d023e89df9b7">Crazy SIL!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So my Fiance is Indian and I am not. I chose his sister as one of my bridesmaids along with my sis and a couple friends. A few months after engagement my SIL mentioned that she wanted to change into a sari after the church ceremony. I agreed as a know it's a part of their culture and I'm open minded. No big deal.. Soonafter I mentioned that she should wear a sari to match the bridemaids (coral) and she stated her sari was WHITE!!! I almost died!! <strong>Lets just say that I had a minor tantrum and I believe rightfully so! </strong> My FI didn't think it was a big deal and it really doesn't matter (<strong>causing a fight</strong>). Oh and I forgot to mention that at the reception I would change into a red and gold tradtional dress and <strong>she would be wearing white at MY headtable</strong>. The next day she ended up saying she doesn't want to be in the WP anymore! WTF!!!! I know one day she will regret not taking part in her brothers wedding.. Her inconsideration is ridiculous. So I'm sure she is still going to wear the white, <strong>but at least she won't be sitting next to me.</strong> <strong> I still can't believe she had the balls to do this, and they came to America when they 5 years old..I think thats plenty of time to learn the "American" tradaitions.. </strong>Any thoughts on this? Frustrated
Posted by Kombo[/QUOTE]

While I agree that what she wants to do isn't very considerate, you sound like a total jerk. I get that you are upset, but that doesn't give you an excuse to act like a spoiled child, which is what you sound like when you say things like "she has the nerve to wear white at MY head table". And also making cracks about her culture is really insensitive considering you are marrying into her family. I think maybe YOU owe HER an apology for overreacting. Also, don't you think your relationship with her is more improtant than minor details about what people are wearing at the wedding? If she was upset enough to drop out of the wedding party, you gotta believe your FI is upset at what you did to her and her parents will likely be unhappy with how you are treating her as well. Is your being the center of attention on your wedding day (which you will be no matter what she's wearing) really worth the damage you are causing to your relationship with your future in laws?

Seriously, you need some perspective on what is important in life.

EmilyW416 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_crazy-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8e195fcd-2e73-40ba-87c4-c1d29cef22dfPost:928223fc-ba56-44c3-96fb-d023e89df9b7">Crazy SIL!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So my Fiance is Indian and I am not. I chose his sister as one of my bridesmaids along with my sis and a couple friends. A few months after engagement my SIL mentioned that she wanted to change into a sari after the church ceremony. I agreed as a know it's a part of their culture and I'm open minded. No big deal.. Soonafter I mentioned that she should wear a sari to match the bridemaids (coral) and she stated her sari was WHITE!!! I almost died!! Lets just say that I had a minor tantrum and I believe rightfully so! My FI didn't think it was a big deal and it really doesn't matter (causing a fight). Oh and I forgot to mention that at the reception I would change into a red and gold tradtional dress and she would be wearing white at MY headtable. The next day she ended up saying she doesn't want to be in the WP anymore! WTF!!!! I know one day she will regret not taking part in her brothers wedding.. Her inconsideration is ridiculous. So I'm sure she is still going to wear the white, but at least she won't be sitting next to me. I still can't believe she had the balls to do this, and<strong> they came to America when they 5 years old..I think thats plenty of time to learn the "American"</strong> tradaitions.. Any thoughts on this? Frustrated
Posted by Kombo[/QUOTE]

This rubbed me wrong too. I don't know that much anout Indian Culture but I think you need to talk to your FI about it, what there holidays are, what they do for um ect. Before something like that upsets you too.

Judith233 · May 2011

actually black and white aren't to be worn at Indian weddings. White = funeral and black = mourning. so she was probably being a huge B by wearing white at all and trying to see if the OP would even know.

I had this coversation once with some Indian co-workers while talking about weddings. here's an article explaining thing in more detail.

http://www.ehow.com/about_6603820_do-guests-wear-indian-wedding_.html

jaycee7389 · May 2011

while the comment about how they have had plenty of time to learn american customs was a bit insensitive, i actually agree with you. if it were the other way around, i am pretty sure you would not wear something "offensive" to her indian wedding. if she only has one sari, which i doubt, then you need to let it go that she is choosing to wear it. if she has more than one then i don't think it is wrong to expect her to wear any color other than red or white which is typically reserved for the bride.

Kombo · May 2011

I simply I feel that I'm respecting my Fiance's wishes by wearing the traditional red & gold..and maybe I expect the same respect in return. I will be wearing white to the church as that is the norm for both families. At our engagement party there were colors of the rainbow in every sari...pink, purple, green, orange, etc. I just thought it was really odd that out of every color white was the color she chose. When this came about I mentioned to her that usually white is only worn by the bride on her wedding day and she said "no, it doesn't matter". Obviously it does to me as that was how I was raised. Oh and by the way my FI texted me the following day and said that his sis was fake and not to expect anything from her and for me to pick someone who actually wants to be in the wedding.

Also, I did not mean to be insensitive when I said she had been here since she was 5 years old and I don't expect her to conform but I do expect mutual respect.. and I just figured she would understand my pov seeing as she has been here for such a long time. I asked my FI how she would feel if I wore red on her day?!

jferlenda · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_crazy-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8e195fcd-2e73-40ba-87c4-c1d29cef22dfPost:4cf7c69c-fccc-4457-8677-176f2203e0c4">Re: Crazy SIL!!</a>:
[QUOTE]actually black and white aren't to be worn at Indian weddings. <strong>White = funeral</strong> and black = mourning. so she was probably being a huge B by wearing white at all and trying to see if the OP would even know. I had this coversation once with some Indian co-workers while talking about weddings. here's an article explaining thing in more detail. <a href="http://www.ehow.com/about_6603820_do-guests-wear-indian-wedding_.html" rel='nofollow'>http://www.ehow.com/about_6603820_do-guests-wear-indian-wedding_.html</a>
Posted by Judith233[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Actually, I've heard this before, too.</div>

vanillalily1126 · May 2011

I agree with you 100%. It sounds like your FSIL is just trying to steal your spotlight on your big day. Regardless of what everyone else is saying on here, it is still YOUR wedding, no matter whose family you're marrying into. Wearing white to someone elses wedding is disrespectful, and I'm sure she knows this.

She IS the crazy FSIL, not you. You are completely justified. I would be FURIOUS!

Cynthia1207 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_crazy-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8e195fcd-2e73-40ba-87c4-c1d29cef22dfPost:60657fd0-0cd2-41fe-bb9a-26227d2eeb4d">Re: Crazy SIL!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with you 100%. It sounds like your FSIL is just trying to steal your spotlight on your big day. Regardless of what everyone else is saying on here, it is still YOUR wedding, no matter whose family you're marrying into. <strong>Wearing white to someone elses wedding is disrespectful</strong>, and I'm sure she knows this. She IS the crazy FSIL, not you. You are completely justified. I would be FURIOUS!
Posted by vanillalily1126[/QUOTE]

It's not. It's unconventional but not disrespectful.

OP you raise a good point when saying you wouldn't wear red to hers but I still don't think she did it out of spite. You are marrying into this family so are you really going to battle with her over a color? Pick and choose your battles. This is something that I wouldn't really waste much time on.

lyndausvi · May 2011

I'm not one who thinks it's disrespectful to wear white to a wedding. A full blown white gown? Maybe. Just wearing white? No, I think it's a stupid tradition. I certain do not think a white sari is a big deal when the bride is switching to a red sari anyway.

If now she changes her mind and decides on a red sari, then yeah she is being bittchy.

Cynthia1207 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_crazy-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8e195fcd-2e73-40ba-87c4-c1d29cef22dfPost:4cf7c69c-fccc-4457-8677-176f2203e0c4">Re: Crazy SIL!!</a>:
[QUOTE]actually black and white aren't to be worn at Indian weddings. <strong> White = funeral </strong>and black = mourning. so she was probably being a huge B by wearing white at all and trying to see if the OP would even know. I had this coversation once with some Indian co-workers while talking about weddings. here's an article explaining thing in more detail. <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.ehow.com/about_6603820_do-guests-wear-indian-wedding_.html">http://www.ehow.com/about_6603820_do-guests-wear-indian-wedding_.html</a>
Posted by Judith233[/QUOTE]

So everyone who wears black at an american wedding is being offensive to the bride and groom because they are wearing a color which equals to funeral/mourning?

I'm definitely adding : ''No black at my wedding. It's offensive'' at the bottom of my invitations now.

vicki0508 · May 2011

OP, is this worth ruining your relationship with your future in laws? It's just a color. Nobody will think she's the bride. Even if you think she's doing it to be a jerk, why not try being the bigger person? You should try being the gracious FSIL/FDIL instead of being the bratty FSIL/FDIL.

Yoda2010 · May 2011

I never really understood the big deal about others wearing white at a wedding. Thats all.

lyndausvi · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_crazy-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8e195fcd-2e73-40ba-87c4-c1d29cef22dfPost:8b7b2a1e-a20f-4d36-ad45-ae4fd8cbce7b">Re: Crazy SIL!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I never really understood the big deal about others wearing white at a wedding. Thats all.
Posted by Yoda2010[/QUOTE]

Especially at that point the brides isn't wearing white either. Because she is wearing both red and white are both colors off limit?

jferlenda · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_crazy-sil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8e195fcd-2e73-40ba-87c4-c1d29cef22dfPost:c4cafaf9-7a41-4c35-9426-dc471a1342e9">Re: Crazy SIL!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Crazy SIL!! : So everyone who wears black at an american wedding is being offensive to the bride and groom because they are wearing a color which equals to funeral/mourning? I'm definitely adding : ''No black at my wedding. It's offensive'' at the bottom of my invitations now.
Posted by Cynthia1207[/QUOTE]

<div>HA! Ok, good call :)</div>

Kombo · May 2011

Actually I was the bigger person and asked several times if she would change her mind and be in our wedding ..and she refused! I will not beg anyone to take part in such a special day and it's all a matter of principle. My FI admitted that we tried our best by asking her again. I think she was looking for a way out!!

She actually asked her mom to bring her the same type of Indian Bridal dress (lengha) from India so she can wear it at our wedding. Her mom told her that on her wedding day she would have her own lengha... then she decides on a white sari.... hmmm coincidence?!! I think not. Her intentions are clear... and honestly I'm over it now, I'm just glad I know what type of person she really is.

Crazy SIL!!

Re: Crazy SIL!!

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