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Wedding Shower & Rehearsal Dinner?

kellyh87kellyh87 member
First Comment
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

My soon to be mother in law recently made a big deal over the fact that I'm not considering hosting a rehearsal dinner. We will have 2 hours of rehearsal time at the venue but I don’t plan to have a rehearsal dinner afterwards. The reason she insist we have one is because she is under the impression "out of town" guest need to attend the dinner - that we are responsible for entertaining them...is that true? Please also keep in mind we are talking about 3 out of town guest.

As for the wedding shower, is anyone else doing a wedding shower (with groom and men invited) instead of a bridal shower? I'm thinking of going this rout.

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Re: Wedding Shower & Rehearsal Dinner?

  • sister2groomsister2groom
    1000 Comments
    No, you don't need to have a rehearsal dinner to which you invite out of town guests, but you do need to have one especially if you plan on having a rehearsal that's 2 hours long. You should invite those participating in the ceremony + SOs and your immediate family.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    If you are having a rehearsal, you should have a dinner for anyone required to attend the rehearsal and their significant others. You don't have to invite out of town guests, but since there are only three, you should consider it. 
    The dinner doesn't have to be fancy. Pizza or barbecue would be fine.
                       
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  • SaraAndrew2010SaraAndrew2010 member
    1000 Comments
    Ditto PPs about hosting some sort of meal for the people who attend the rehersal dinner.

    As for the shower, I'm sure you know not to plan your own shower.  For one of my showers, FILs friends hosted a couples shower for FI and me.  It was a lot of fun.  So co-ed showers are definitely allowed.  Mine worked because it wasn't too girly/showery.  Basically a BBQ with present opening at the end, but no silly games or stuff like that.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    How about putting the money you'd be spending on your wedding shower into providing dinner for the people you're asking to take time out of their day to rehearse with you?  That way you're avoiding both massive faux pas.  Because you are not supposed to throw any sort of shower for yourself, co-ed or not, and you ARE supposed to feed the people who come to the rehearsal.

    And if it's only 3 OOT guests + their dates, I would just invite them.  Chances are good that you don't get to see these people very often, and for as much money and effort as they're expending to see you, you should try to spend as much time with them as possible.  If it were a large portion of your guest list, then yeah, you could probably be justified in not inviting them, but it's 6 people.  Suck it up and buy them pizza.
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  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    2500 Comments
    edited November 2010
    Well, you're never supposed to throw your own showers, whether or not men are invited to them. If somebody offers to throw you one, you can graciously accept, but throwing your own is considered pretty rude and tacky.

    As for the rehearsal, no, you do not have to host your out of town guests if you don't want to (Although, even if all of your OOT guests have dates, 6 extra people really isn't that big of a deal if it'll shut your FMIL up, imo). But if you're asking people to take the time out of their day to run through a rehearsal, yes, you should feed them afterwards. It doesn't have to be anything incredibly fancy (Pizza or burgers or something is fine), but food should be offered to them just the same.

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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Ditto PP's.  It would be rude to make people go to a rehearsal and then not feed them dinner, especially a 2 hour rehearsal.  Why is your rehearsal  2 hours?  Ours was 20 minutes for a full Catholic mass.   And like the others said it doesn't at all have to be fancy.  Ours was supposed to be a pool party and we had foot catered but the rain kept us inside.  Pizza for everyone would also be fine. 

    Co-ed showers are fine, and there are many showers where the guests are ladies but both the B&G are there.  But as PPs said do not throw yourself a shower no matter what. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you have a rehearsal, you must have a dinner.  You need to thank the people for coming to rehearse.  You don't have to invite out of town guests.  If your FMIL wants to host them, she can host them.  

    You should have nothing to do with planning your shower.  You'll have whatever sort of shower someone offers to throw for you.  
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  • kellyh87kellyh87 member
    First Comment
    Oops sorry for any confusion on the wedding shower - my MOH is throwing the wedding shower and she purposed the idea of it being co-ed...thanks for all your input - very helpful!
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  • DavidandAmyClarkDavidandAmyClark
    100 Comments
    I am throwing a wedding shower for my MOH and her FI (they are getting married a month after us)  she didn't want a bridal shower, but I offered to do a co-ed shower and her FI jumped at the idea.

    You are not officially under obligation to invite the OOT guests to the RD, we are because its important to my FMIL (she is hosting.)  Although you really should have one.  If the FI and I were hosting our own we would probably still invite the OOTers just make the family happy.  Sometimes you have to pick your battles..... ya know?
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