Younger Bridesmaid with Different Dress and Shoes?

latoya3709 · December 2011

Need some advice, ladies... this may get long, and I apologize in advance.

My sister is 10-12 years younger than the rest of my bridal party, but too old to be a flower girl (she'll be 17 when I get married). Initially I had her as a junior bridesmaid, but she got pissed (as expected) saying she is too old (and I agree). My dad is very, very conservative and will not allow her to wear what I have picked out for my other bridesmaids:

dress (in navy): http://www.lorabridalshop.com/sexy-midnight-blue-taffeta-vneckline-ruched-kneelength-cocktail-bridesmaid-homecoming-prom-dress-207007-p-13641.html

shoes (in pink):http://www.dsw.com/shoe/lulu+townsend+elanor+pump?prodId=232164&productRef=SEARCH

My dad thinks the top of the dress is too fitted and doesn't want her wearing a v-neck, and he thinks the shoes are too high (they are 4 inches and he said the highest she can wear is 1.5 inches). I feel like I could convince him to let her wear the dress, but he is absolutely not budging on the shoes (he says they are stripper shoes).

So now I'm back to her maybe needing to be a "junior" bridesmaid (meaning she wears something more modest). I really want everyone to wear the same dress and shoes and I'm trying to do this classic style with a modern twist.

I'm thinking maybe she can wear a dress that is the same color as my other BM's shoes (pink), and she can wear silver shoes with a kitten heel.

My concerns:

1. She really wants to be a BM and be included with the other girls. I can still call her a BM, because honestly the title doesn't matter to me, but I think her feelings will be hurt that she is wearing something different.

2. I could adjust what everyone else is wearing to an even more modest dress (I don't think they will be as flattering), and lower shoes (1.5 inches), but I think my girls will look frumpy and not the stylish, modern flare that I hoped for.

So... do I let my little sister's feelings be slightly bruised, or do I adjust the scheme for my dad's conservative taste? If I put her in something different, do you think it will still be cute (her in a pink dress)? I'm not having a flower girl, so she will be the only girl in a different color.

susanv85 · December 2011

You're making everyone wear 4 inch heels? I know that would cause me to back put of the wedding in a second. I don't really see the big issue, I'm sure you can alter the v neck to make it more modest looking, and just let them where whatever shoes. Actually, I would ask your sister what she prefers. What's more important? To be there with your sister or to have everyone wearing the same dress and shoes?

latoya3709 · December 2011

My girls picked the shoes - we're all divas - so that's no problem... they actually won't wear anything lower than 3 inches!

My sister is definitely in the wedding - so it's not a matter of picking her over the outfits. She will be there by my side - she's 10 years younger than me, BTW.

Everyone is wearing the same thing, except she may wear something boldly different. I just don't want her to feel like a little child, but I think my dad wants to distinguish that she is younger.

Hope that helps explain my issue...

latoya3709 · December 2011

Also.. I would never "make" my friends do anything... that sounds so negative :-) They picked them out themselves, but you are right... I wouldn't have chosen that height. Mine are 3 inches.

bmetz34 · December 2011

Why can't your sister just wear different shoes? I think that would be the least noticable difference, and shoes come off at some point anyway. Shoes won't be in all the pics.

mbatzlaff · December 2011

Is it possible to get the same dress as the other girls and then alter it so that it is more conservative? Maybe you could have them alter the V neck so that it is slightly more closed or get her a shrug. As for the shoes I'd let her wear what she wants...if she wants the same shoes as the other girls then she can fight that battle with your dad. I'd give all the girls an option of 2 shoe styles, the one they already picked and a shorter version, that way your sister doesn't feel like the odd one out.

gymbugmj2k · December 2011

Can you add a beaded modesty panel to the V neck (so that it has that look of when you wear a tank top under a low cut shirt). Navy with beads or sparkle there would look pretty with that dress. You could alter just hers, or all the girls. If that's still not enough, you can give the girls shawls, and they can choose to use them or not (her dad might make her use it. haha)

As far as shoes - its fine if hers are shorter. Your girls won't all be the same height even with the same shoes.

Ajoyd · December 2011

I agree with PPs that perhaps the easiest thing to do is have her dress altered to be a bit more modest and pick out a different shoe for her to wear that has a lower heel.

latoya3709 · December 2011

Thanks, ladies!

Merry Christmas to you all - and Happy New Year!

Younger Bridesmaid with Different Dress and Shoes?

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